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Secluded Heart (Complete)

<a href="">Zaira</a> had everything going for her. She was excelling in her junior year at college at age 21, was involved in multiple extracurricular activities, and was madly in love with her boyfriend, <a href="">Travis</a>. Everything seemed to be perfect, that is, until she met <a href="">him</a> and he turned her world upside down.



I am so scared right now. I do not think I can handle any bad news right now. What could be going on with JJ? Is he ok? Is Krystal ok? Krystal is JJ’s mother. Too many thoughts are going through my head right now, I can’t even think straight. I need to sit down.

“Uh....come in. I need to sit down,” I said. The police officer walks in as Zaira closes and locks the door behind them as I sit on the couch. Zaira sits next to me and the police officer sits on the couch across from us.

“Is JJ ok? What about his mom Krystal is she ok?,” I asked quickly. Zaira grabs my right hand and I hold hers tightly in mine.

“Well there is no easy way to say this Julian.....but unfortunately....Krystal died.....about two weeks ago actually,” Officer Wilson. My heart just stopped in my chest. What? Krystal is dead? How? Is JJ ok? Zaira gently rubs my back as she whispers “I’m sorry baby” in my ear. I just look at her then back at Officer Wilson in shock.

“Wh-what? Krystal....she’s dead? How?,” I asked.

“She died of ovarian cancer about two weeks ago.....she was living in Fresno, California with your son JJ,” Officer Wilson said. Oh my god. I cannot believe this right now. I feel tears form in my eyes and instantly run down my cheeks.

“Oh my god,” I said softly. I just put my head down and close my eyes as I cry. Zaira wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight. I bury my head in Zaira’s chest as I continue to cry. This just hit my heart. I loved Krystal at one point and I never stopped because she was the mother of my child. I have so many questions I wanted to ask her, but now I will never get the chance.

“I know you probably have a million questions Julian. I understand that Krystal took your son from you about two years ago without your consent correct?,” Officer Wilson asked. I pull out of the embrace and Zaira wipes my tears and I look at Officer Wilson.

“Yes that’s correct,” I said softly.

“Well.....Krystal seemed to know she was sick for a while and she knew she wasn’t going to make wrote you a letter that explains everything,” Officer Wilson said. He pulls out an envelope from his pocket and hands it to me. I just look at him and I take it from him.

“Can you please just tell me if my son JJ is ok?,” I asked.

“ fine. He is just fine. Krystal took very good care of him.....he will be flying out here tomorrow. He will be at your mom’s house tomorrow morning at around 10 am,” Officer Wilson said. Again my heart just stopped in my chest. My son...he’s ok? He’s alive? Oh my god I get bad news, then good news so I don’t even know how to feel.

“JJ...he’s ok?,” I asked in shock.

“He is just fine.....hopefully the letter will offer you any explanation you have been looking for,” Officer Wilson said.

“Ok....thank you for coming.”

“It’s no since you are the JJ’s father, you are next in line to get custody of JJ if that is what you choose to do....also your mom offered to have temporary custody until you graduate from’s all up to you now Julian.” I just nod my head and Officer Wilson smiles a bit and he stands up and Zaira and I do the same. He shakes our hands and then leaves as I close and lock the door behind him. I cannot believe this. I’m happy and sad all at the same time. I’m feeling so many emotions I can’t even describe. I go to the living room and I sit next to Zaira on the couch and she gently rubs my back.

“Baby tell me what you’re feeling,” Zaira asked.

“I...I don’t even know babe. I’m so ecstatic that my son is ok and I cannot wait to see him tomorrow morning, but.....Krystal....I can’t believe she’s....gone. I loved her Zaira and I always will because she is the mother of my that makes me sad. It hurts,” I said.

“I understand baby.....maybe you should read the letter. It could help you.”

“You’re right.....could you read it for me?”

“Of course babe.” I hand Zaira the letter and she opens the envelope and takes out the letter and unfolds it and I rest my head on her shoulder.

“Dear Julian....I know you are probably wondering why I am writing you. I am sure you hate me and I cannot even blame you....I could never apologize enough for taking JJ away from you. I never ever should have taken your son away from you the way I did. It wasn’t right and I am sorry. I hope I can explain why I did what I did. Julian, I loved you so much and I will until the day I die. You were my first everything and I will never ever forget you. You meant everything to me and even when we broke up, I still loved you, even though I was mad. I was mad that you wanted to break up our family. I know it wouldn’t have been like that, but that is how I felt. I knew you would never abandon JJ, but I felt like you abandoned me and I wanted to hurt you for that. Also I was so scared that you were going to take JJ away from you and that scared me to my core Julian. So that is why I ran off with JJ. I took him from you because I didn’t want you to take him from me. It wasn’t right, but it felt right at the time. I cannot even imagine the pain that I put you through. I know how much you loved JJ and to have him taken away from you, must have been some of the worst pain you have ever felt. For that I am sorry. I truly am. But Julian, JJ never forgot about you. He asked me about you every day. He would ask me “where’s daddy? Why isn’t he with us?” I never talked badly about you to him. I just told him you would see him when you could. I made sure he never forgot you. I had pictures of you all over our house and he had one with you and him right by his bed. We always said a prayer for you before we went to sleep. He loves you Julian and I do too. I always will. You gave me the best years of my life and you gave me our miracle JJ. He has grown up so much. He is five now, which I am sure you know. He’s in school now and he loves it. Every day after school he tells me everything that he learned. He loves to read and we read a story every night. He is very curious; he always wants to know about his surroundings. He’s a sweetheart just like you. He is so polite to everyone he meets and everyone he meets falls in love with him instantly. His hair is so long now, you can hardly see his face at times, but I love his hair and I just couldn’t cut it. Anyway Julian, if you are reading this, well....that means I am gone. I have had ovarian cancer for about a year now and it keeps coming back no matter the treatment. It breaks my heart to know that JJ will have to live without me, but then I remember he has you. That is why I am writing to you. As soon as I am gone, JJ will be sent to you. You will be able to take care of him, like you always wanted. I’ve had five amazing years with my son and I will never forget them. I will always be watching over him, even when I’m gone. But now Julian, it’s your turn. I’m so sorry for taking that chance away from you two years ago, but now you deserve this. You deserve JJ. You deserve to have him in your life and he deserves you in his. Just promise me you will never let JJ forget me. Always let him know that his mother loved him and always will. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Forgive me for taking your son away from him. Just know that I did it out of spite, not because you were a bad father. You were the best father in the world. Just make sure JJ knows and sees that. I love you Julian and I always will. Take care. Sincerely, Krystal,” Zaira said. Zaira sets down the letter and we hug each other tight as we both cry together. I don’t even know how to feel. Krystal seems so sincere I can’t even hate her. I loved her and I always will, but now she is gone. I can’t believe it. I just know that I will take care of my son. I will do all I can for him. I can’t believe that I will see him tomorrow. I just can’t believe that my son is ok. That makes me so happy.

“Are you ok baby?,” Zaira asked.

“I’m ok Zaira,” I said softly. Zaira pulls out of the embrace and wipes my tears and looks at me.

“I’m so sorry baby. I’m sorry about Krystal; I know she will always have a special place in your heart. But your son is ok. JJ is ok and you will be seeing him tomorrow. I know that makes you happy,” Zaira said.

“I know. That makes me beyond happy Zaira. I cannot wait to see’re going to come with me tomorrow right? I need you and I want JJ to meet you,” I said.

“Of course I will baby. I’ll do anything for you.” I just smile and I lean in and kiss Zaira’s lips then I look at her.

“I’m sorry our special moment got ruined.....I was really looking forward to making love to you,” I said.

“I was too baby, but it’s ok. I know your emotions are all over the place now. We have plenty of time to make love.....I know I’m ready now so the next opportunity we have....I’m all yours,” Zaira said.

“Thank you for understanding baby. I love you so much.”

“I love you too...let’s get some sleep. We are going to have to get up early tomorrow.”

“You’re right baby.....can we sleep naked tonight?”

“Would you be able to keep your hands to yourself?”

“Of course not.”

“Then no.” Zaira and I just laugh and we go into the bedroom, put on our pajamas, lie down in bed, and fall asleep cuddled close.

Zaira and I wake up the next morning, Saturday at 8 am. Today’s the day. I can’t believe I will be seeing JJ, the son I haven’t seen in two years. I’m nervous as hell to be honest. According to Krystal’s letter, JJ will remember me; I just hope she’s right. I hope he doesn’t think I don’t love him and I hope he will give me a warm reception. That’s my lil’ man and I love him and I just want him to love me. Anyway, Zaira and I take separate showers and then we both get ready to head to my mom’s house. Once we are both dressed and packed with our overnight bags, we head out at around 9:15. On the way there, I stop by the candy store to pick up a few Reese’s Minis. JJ use to LOVE these, I hope he still likes them. Once we get to my mom’s house at around 10:15, I park and turn off the car and I sit back in my seat and I take a deep breath.

“Baby are you nervous?,” Zaira asked.

“Yeah,” I said while sighing.

“You shouldn’t be.....your son JJ is probably going to run in your arms the minute he sees you. He loves you.”

“I just hope you’re right.”

“Come on baby, let’s go inside.” I nod my head and we both get out of the car and we get our bags and I lock the car doors. Zaira and I go to the door and I unlock the door and Zaira and I walk in. We set down our bags and Zaira closes and locks the door behind us. My mom comes to the door smiling.

“Hey Julian, hey Zaira,” my mom said.

“Hey ma,” I said. My mom hugs Zaira then she hugs me tight and looks at me.

“Are you ready?,” my mom asked.

“Yeah I am,” I said.

“Alexis, come here baby girl,” my mom called out. I take a deep breath and Zaira grabs my right hand and holds it tight. Alexis comes walking out of the kitchen, while holding JJ’s hand. I cannot breathe right now. There he is! My son! My son is standing right in front of me! When JJ sees me, I see his little eyes light up and tears just fill my eyes.

“JJ, do you know who that is?,” Alexis said while pointing at me.

“It’’s.....daddy!!!,” JJ exclaimed. Alexis smiles and lets go of his hand and Zaira lets go of mine and I kneel down and I open my arms.

“’s me. It’s daddy,” I said as tears stream down my face. JJ smiles big at me and he runs right into my arms. I wrap my arms around him tight and hold him as tight as I can. I am balling and I can’t help it.

“Daddy I miss you. I miss you a lot,” JJ said.

“I missed you too lil’ man. I missed you so much,” I said.

“You not leave me right? Don’t leave like mommy, I want you to stay.”

“I’ll stay JJ I promise you I’ll you miss mommy?”

“I miss mommy a lot. I cry a hurts.”

“I know JJ I know....but it will all get better I promise.” I hug my son for what seems like an eternity. I never want to let him go. Ever. JJ pulls out of the embrace and he just smiles at me and I smile at him.

“You’ve gotten so big....and you have so much hair!,” I exclaimed. JJ just laughs and I run my hands through his afro that is two times the size it was when he left.

“I know I have lots of hair. Mommy liked it so I don’t want to cut it,” JJ said.

“You don’t have to cut it if you don’t want to,” I said.

“Ok....your hair is different too.” JJ runs his hand over the top of my head and I laugh as he admires my blonde hair. I pick him up and I kiss him all over his face and he just laughs. JJ puts his hand on my cheek and he just smiles at me.

“I’m happy to see you,” JJ said.

“I’m happy to see you too,” I said while smiling. JJ kisses my cheek and then he looks at Zaira and waves.

“’re pretty,” JJ said.

“Thank you sweetheart. My name’s Zaira,” Zaira said.

“Zaira is daddy’s girlfriend,” I said. JJ smiles at me then looks at Zaira and reaches out to her. Zaira looks at me and I nod my head and Zaira smiles and takes JJ from him. He smiles at her and then rests his head on her shoulder as he hugs her.

“Oh he’s so sweet,” Zaira said while smiling. JJ looks at Zaira and kisses her cheek and then she kisses his. This melts my heart. I really want Zaira to get along with JJ and I can tell they already will.

“I like your hair....can you do mine?,” JJ asked.

“JJ I would love to do your hair,” Zaira offered. JJ smiles and then looks at me. Zaira hands him to me and I hold him close. Zaira goes to Alexis and picks her up and kisses her all over her face while Alexis giggles.

“JJ do you still like Reese’s Minis? I bought you some,” I said.

“Yes! I love them!! They’re my favorite!,” JJ exclaimed.

“After breakfast, you can have some of them ok JJ? Ya’ll come and eat,” my mom said.

“Ok grandma,” JJ said. My mom just looks at JJ then looks at me and smiles. I know she missed him too, we all did. We all walk into the kitchen and fix our plates. I helped JJ fix his plate while Zaira helped Alexis fix his. JJ is so sweet. I never stopped loving this little boy and I have missed him so much.

“Daddy I sit with you?,” JJ asked.

“Of course JJ you can sit right in my lap,” I said. JJ smiles and nods his head and once everyone makes their plates and drinks, we all sit down. JJ sits on my lap and Zaira sits next to me and Alexis and my mom sit across from us. My mom says a prayer over the food and then we all start eating. I just watch JJ eat as I eat. He can use utensils and he isn’t a messy eater. I can’t help but smile while watching him.

“How’s the food lil’ man?,” I asked JJ.

“It’s yummy. Grandma it’s good,” JJ said.

“Thank you baby,” my mom said. I just smile and I gently rub JJ’s stomach. It feels so good to be with my son. I never thought I would see him again, but here we are eating together. That’s amazing to me. I’m not exactly sure what am I going to do custody wise, but hopefully I can figure something out. I want to finish college but a part of me would give it up if my mom would not be willing to help me out. I definitely have to talk to her about everything. After breakfast, Zaira helps my mom clean up while Alexis and JJ sit in the living room with me. I turn the television to a kid’s station and JJ sits on the couch and Alexis sits next to him. JJ rests his head into Alexis and Alexis wraps an arm around him. They’re so cute together. I kiss both of their cheeks and then I go into the kitchen and I see Zaira and my mom sitting at the table.

“Ma can we talk?,” I asked.

“Of course baby,” my mom said. I go over to Zaira and I stand her up, sit down, and then set her in my lap.

“ know I would be more than happy to take care of JJ until you graduated from college. I have more than enough room in this house. I absolutely love taking care of Alexis and I would love to do the same for JJ. He’s in school too so it’s really not that bad. I love children you know that Julian. You just tell me what you think is best. You and Zaira tell me,” my mom said.

“Ma...thank you so much. Thank you for the offer that means so much to me. I would really appreciate it if you kept JJ until I graduated. I want to finish college and get this degree so I can take care of both Alexis and JJ and my baby Zaira and even you. Are you sure about this though?,” I said.

“I’m positive. I’ve missed JJ so much so it would be really great to have him here with me. He is a sweetheart.....he reminds me so much of you when you were young Julian. Just an absolute sweetheart and so polite,” my mom said while smiling.

“Thanks ma....Zaira baby what do you think?,” I asked.

“Julian I think it would be best if JJ stayed here until we graduate and find a place together.....but I think you should spend all of your free time with him....I think we should come here every weekend and even some week days. He needs to see you as often as you can.....I know in our new apartment we have two bedrooms so he can stay with us whenever he wants to. Make sure he knows that babe,” Zaira said.

“Did I ever tell you how much I love you?,” I said. Zaira just laughs and I peck her lips.

“Ya’ll are beautiful....Julian how are you doing with the news with Krystal? Are you ok?,” my mom asked.

“I’m ok.....I cried when I found out because you know how much I loved her know she was my first hurts, but....I’ll be ok. Mom I swear with Zaira by my side, I’m like Superman and I can do anything. I can get through absolutely anything with this woman by my honestly think you are looking at your future daughter-in-law,” I said while looking at Zaira. Zaira just smiles at me and hugs me tight and I hug her.

“I already knew that baby.....from the first time I met Zaira....I just knew. I just knew that she would change your life forever. Since you have been in college, you have never brought any female home, so I knew she was special. I hear the way you talk about her and I see the love you have for her. Ya’ll are so in love and I can see more grandbabies until you both at least finish college. Do you hear me?,” my mom said.

“Yeah mom I hear you,” I said while laughing.

“We promise,” Zaira said while laughing as well.

“Zaira baby how are you doing? How is your recovery process going?,” my mom asked.

“It’s going really good Karen. I am doing a lot better.....your son has been so supportive towards me. He has really helped me through this and I love him for that. He has always been there,” Zaira said. I just look at my mom and I see tears form in her eyes.

“Ma why are you crying?,” I asked.

“I’m just melt my heart....Julian your whole life I have wanted you to just be happy....I know we have struggled but now I can tell you are genuinely happy. That makes me so happy,” my mom said.

“Ma I love you,” I said.

“I love you too Julian. I love you too Zaira,” my mom said.

“I love you too Karen,” Zaira said. Zaira and I hug my mom and then I look into the living room. I see my son laughing at something on television. He’s so beautiful and I can’t help but smile when I see him. JJ sees me looking at him and he smiles and waves.

“Hi daddy,” JJ said.

“Hi JJ,” I said.

“Come watch with too Zaira,” JJ said.

“Baby I am going to get out for a bit. Do a little shopping and pamper myself. Will you and Zaira be ok with the kids?,” my mom said.

“Of course we will,” I said. I go into my wallet and I hand my mom two one hundred dollar bills. My mom just looks at me in shock.

“Julian baby no, I can’t take your money,” my mom said.

“Take it ma. As a thank you. For everything you do for me. I’m not taking no for an answer,” I said.

“Baby no I can’t,” my mom said.

“You deserve it,” I said. My mom just smiles at me and she hugs me tight.

“I will give you any change back,” my mom said.

“It’s ok don’t worry about it ma,” I said. I kiss my mom’s cheek and she takes the money, says bye to the kids and then leaves.

“My baby is so sweet,” Zaira teased.

“Thank you baby,” I said. I kiss her lips and we go into the living room with Alexis and JJ. JJ reaches out to me and I smile and I pick him up and kiss his cheek. I then sit down with him in my lap and Zaira sits next to Alexis and Alexis rests her head in Zaira’s lap. Zaira smiles and gently rubs her cheek. Zaira and I spend the entire day with Alexis and JJ. It was really nice. I felt like we were a real family, which I could really get used to. We made lunch together and then we all went out to Pizza Hut for dinner, including my mom. It was great. JJ was up under me the whole time and I didn’t mind that one bit. I love spending time with him already. It’s going to be hard leaving him Sunday evening. I want to spend every day with him. But I want to finish school so I can give him the best life, which he truly deserves. Him, Alexis, Zaira and my mom; I want to take care of all of them the best I can. They all deserve that. Once we get home from Pizza Hut, my mom puts the leftovers in the refrigerator and then she takes Alexis upstairs to get ready for bed. Zaira and I take JJ upstairs to my bedroom so he can get ready for bed, since the time now is about 7 pm. I ask him if he needs help with anything, but he says he can brush his teeth and take a bath all on his own. He’s actually really independent. He says Krystal taught him to be that way. I respect that. I get him settled in the bathroom and I leave the door slightly open just in case JJ needs anything. I sit on the bed and I see Zaira sitting on the bed rubbing her left shoulder, like she is in pain.

“Baby you alright?,” I asked.

“Yeah babe, just a little knot in my shoulder,” Zaira said.

“Here, let me.” I sit behind Zaira and I pull her in between my legs and I start to gently massage her shoulders and she moaned out and threw her head back. I just bust out laughing and Zaira laughs a bit too.

“Baby damn! You make it seem like you were getting some d***!,” I said softly. Zaira just smacks her lips and hits my thigh playfully.

“Leave me alone, it felt good ok?,” Zaira said.

“I know....and if you were getting some of my d***, you wouldn’t even be able to get any sounds out. But on the other hand I would feel so good inside of you, that you would be screaming at the top of your lungs, while squirting out your pussy,” I joked.

“You are so nasty Julian,” Zaira said while laughing.

“I know babe....I wish I could really show you how nasty are so damn sexy. Do you know how hard it is for me to look at you without having a nasty thought about you? It’s impossible. Don’t judge me now, but when I first saw you, my mind instantly went to sex. I just....I never saw anyone so sexy without showing off everything she had. It amazed me how you could make me want to take all your clothes off without seeing any skin other than your face....your naturally sexy which is the best kind of sexy.”

“Oh baby you are so sweet. That means a lot to me. Thank you so much for not rushing sex with me. I know when we finally get to do it, it will be amazing.”

“I know. I love you.”

“Love you too baby.” I kiss Zaira’s lips multiple times and I continue giving her a massage. 25 minutes later, JJ comes out of the bathroom all dressed in his pajamas. He puts his clothes in the hamper and then reaches up to me. Zaira moves from in between my legs and I pick JJ up and I kiss him all over his face and he laughs. Zaira kisses his cheek then goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth and put on her pajamas. Once she is done, I do the same. Then Zaira and I lie down in the bed and I turn on the television. JJ lies in between us at first, but after about 20 minutes, he climbs on top of Zaira. Zaira just smiles at him as he cuddles close and rests his head on her two cushions ;)

“Your chest is comfy Zaira,” JJ said.

“Like father like son,” Zaira said while laughing. I laugh too and I scoot closer to them and JJ looks at me as I rub his back.

“I love you daddy. I’m really happy to be here,” JJ said.

“I love you too JJ and I am happy you are here too. I’ve missed you so much,” I said.

“I miss you too.....Zaira I like you too. You can be like my second mommy. That means I am lucky,” JJ said while looking up at Zaira.

“I would love that JJ,” Zaira said. JJ smiles and Zaira kisses his forehead and he turns to look back at me. He holds out his hand and I grab it and he holds it tight as he closes his eyes.

“He’s so precious,” Zaira said softly.

“Yeah he is,” I said.

“And he’s so beautiful....and guess what baby? He’s yours. This is your son.” I just smile big and I lean in and kiss Zaira’s lips, then JJ’s forehead. 25 minutes later, JJ is sleeping peacefully on Zaira’s chest. 10 minutes later, there is a slight knock on the door.

“Come in,” I said somewhat softly. The door opens and Zaira and I see Alexis rubbing her eyes.

“Can I sleep with you Juju and Zaira? Please?,” Alexis asked.

“Of course come on in,” I said. Alexis closes the door behind her and then goes over to my side of the bed and she climbs on top of me. I kiss her cheek and she kisses mine and then she lies down in between me and Zaira. She looks at JJ and smiles and rubs his cheek gently.

“He’s a cutie...he looks like you Juju,” Alexis said.

“You’re right he does,” I said.

“Is he going to live with me and grandma?,” Alexis asked.

“Yes he is....when I finish school you and JJ are going to live with me and Zaira. Would you like that?,” I asked.

“I would love that!! I can’t wait!,” Alexis said in a quiet excited tone. I just rub her back and within 20 minutes she is knocked out. Zaira looks at me and smiles and I smile back. I mouth “I love you” and she mouths it back. I just look at JJ and Alexis and I can’t help but smile. This is my family. I love them both so much so much. I look at Zaira rubbing JJ’s back and I smile at her as well. That woman is my family as well. We are all a family. I could definitely get use to nights like these.

Lol im mad they interrupted Julian and Zaria.
But anyway I hope they found JJ.

Love the new add. I hope his son is alright. Run It.

So I finally caught up!! Julian and Zaira are just so amazing!!! They are always there for each other!!! They was just about to get it in!!! But I wonder whats going on with Julian's son?!! Their date was so romantic!!

Aww that date was so Romantic. Julian sang to her in front of all those people And there gonna move in together. Aww. Zaria was ready to smash Ju too. Really tho? Right when they were bout to get it in. Police pop up. And what news do they have about J.J. I hope he's okay. Run It.

I hope they found his son since its about him it was ok to interupt run it

Ugh just when zaria was gone get the D lol....I hope Julian's son is ok


Well it’s been a month and I am doing better. I have still been in therapy and it has been very helpful. Also with Julian supporting me, I really understand that I am going to be fine. I went to the doctor’s two weeks ago and I am cured of the chlamydia. I have no STD’s. The doctor said I should continuously get an HIV test until it has been 6 months since the rape, since in some patients that is how long it takes the HIV virus to develop in the body. I understand this and I am willing to take all the tests I need to take. It’s just, I really want Julian physically. I have been thinking about it so much lately. I just love that man so much and I want to show him how much and I know he wants to show me how much. I want us to be able to show each other. It’s a really important step in our relationship and I want us to take it soon. Also Julian and I looked at the apartment Julian found and I loved it. It’s great! I really cannot wait until we can move in together. We plan to move within the next few weeks. Well anyway it’s Friday night and Julian is taking me out tonight. He hasn’t told me where, he just told me to get dressed up and be ready by 7. Well it’s 7 pm now and I come out of my bedroom dressed in <a href="">this</a>, with a black sweater and the purse in my hand.

“Baby I’m ready,” I called out. Julian comes out of the kitchen and when he sees me he stops in his tracks. I just smile at him as his eyes roam up and down my body a few times.

“Do I look alright? Am I too dressed up?,” I asked.

“No.....Zaira, you’re just so beautiful.....damn you look amazing,” Julian complimented.

“Thank you baby. You look really handsome as always,” I complimented. I look at Julian dressed up in a nice pair of jeans, a fitted black sweater and a nice pair of black dress up shoes.

“Thanks....come here,” Julian said. I smile and I walk over to him and he wraps his arms around my waist and he hugs me tight. He then kisses my lips multiple times and I put on my sweater and Julian grabs my hand and then we leave. We leave the apartment, I lock the door behind us and then we get into Julian’s car and he drives off.

“Baby where are we going?,” I asked.

“You’ll find out when we get there,” Julian said. I just laugh a bit and I nod my head. 30 minutes later, Julian and I arrive in Richmond, VA. Julian drives to this soul food restaurant and parks out front. We both get out of the car and he grabs my hand and we walk in. Julian knows how much I love soul food, so this is really nice to me. As I am looking around, I see a stage with live music. This is so romantic already. Julian and I are seated at a two person table right in front of the stage and in the center. The hostess gives us our menus and Julian starts to look through this.

“Baby this is so romantic. Thank you so much for this,” I said.

“Don’t thank me yet baby. This is only the beginning,” Julian said. I just smile and Julian takes my left hand and kisses it multiple times. I start to look through the menu and so many things look good! I want everything!

“Baby you can get whatever you want, I’m paying for us tonight,” Julian said.

“You’re so sweet baby, thank you,” I said.

“No problem at all gorgeous.” A few minutes later, a waitress comes and takes our drink orders. Julian and I both get iced tea. Once the waitress brings us our drinks, Julian and I order our food. Julian orders the fried catfish and I get the fried chicken. We order greens, macaroni and cheese, yams, and cornbread as our sides. Once the waitress takes our order and menus, she leaves the table and Julian takes my left hand and holds it tight as we listen to the musician on stage. I really like this place already. I just look at Julian as he lightly bobs his head to the music. Julian truly loves music and I can really see that. He has pure talent when it comes to music I know that much. His voice is amazing to me.

“Oh baby! I just remembered! I have a gift for you,” I said. I let go of Julian’s hand and I go into my purse and I pull out a jewelry box and I place it in front of Julian. Julian just looks at me and I smile at him.

“Baby you didn’t have to get me anything,” Julian said.

“I really wanted to. You deserve this. These past few months you have been so supportive. You have helped me through this ordeal and I have no idea where I would be without you. You’ve been beyond amazing and I fall deeper in love with you every day.....I never thought I would meet someone who would love me completely for me and support me through every situation, good or bad. But I found that in you baby.....I love you so much and I just got you this gift to show you how much I love you. I hope you like it,” I said.

“Oh Zaira, you’re so sweet. Thank you so much,” Julian said. He opens the box and gasps when he sees what’s inside. He pulls out the gold chain and looks at me and smiles big.

“Baby! I love this! Thank you so much!,” Julian exclaimed.

“You’re welcome handsome,” I said while smiling. Julian puts the chain over his head, onto his neck and looks down at it, then at me.

“How does it look?,” Julian asked.

“It looks great on you,” I complimented. Julian just smiles and he leans over the table and kisses my lips multiple times. I grab Julian’s hand again and I kiss his hand. The music stops on stage and a middle aged woman gets on stage.

“Good evening everyone. Hopefully everyone is enjoying their food and the music. Right now one of our guests would like to come on stage and sing a special song for his special lady......Julian Matthews come on up!,” the woman said. I just gasp in shock and I look at Julian. He winks and kisses my cheek and he stands up and everyone starts to clap for him, including myself. He gets on stage and hugs the woman and then takes the microphone and looks right at me. Oh my god this man is beyond amazing. Is he about to sing for me? This has to be the most thoughtful and romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.

“Good evening everyone, my name’s Julian and I’m here tonight with my beautiful girlfriend, Zaira. Zaira baby, I love you so much and I want to sing this song for you. I hope you enjoy it,” Julian said. I just blow kisses at him and he smiles and the music starts to play for Ginuwine’s “I’m In Love.” Julian knows how much I love this song. (Here is the link to the <a href="">song</a>). Julian looks at me every second he was singing. He sang his heart out. He got really into it and I could tell just how much he really loves me. The words describe our relationship perfectly to me and I could tell he really felt each word he was singing. And his voice turns me on so much! Ugh!! Now I have to sit through this date with wet panties! Lord help me! I continuously feel a throbbing between my legs as well. This can’t be good. I need to jump that man’s bones. Who am I kidding?! He is going to turn my ass out!! He is going to tear my ass up I know that for a fact! As freaky as that man is, I have no idea what I would be getting myself into! Oh let me stop and focus on Julian. I watch him on stage and he is a natural. He could have been a performer if he really wanted to. He is so handsome to me also. The man is beyond fine and he’s mine ;) I still can’t believe it sometimes, but best believe I will not let him go. Once Julian is done singing everyone claps so loud for him, especially me. I stand up and clap for him, that’s my baby. He smiles at everyone and takes a bow. He then looks at me, right in my eyes.

“Thanks everyone....Zaira baby I just want you to know that I love you. I love you so much. You mean the world to me.....before I met you I was in a very dark place to be honest. I was very unhappy but then I met you.....and you turned my world upside down. You came in and changed everything I ever thought about have shown me what it is truly like to love and how it feels to be genuinely loved. I could never thank you enough for that. I know we haven’t been together too long, but I can say this with are the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. When I think about the future, I see you and only you. No other woman could ever compare to you baby. I’m so in love with you baby,” Julian said. I just put my hand over my mouth as tears fill my eyes. Oh my god this man just melted my heart. He is so damn sweet and that amazes me. Everyone in the restaurant says “awww” and Julian walks off stage and walks to me and I hug him tight.

“Julian baby that was amazing. You just melted my heart. I love you so much,” I said through tears.

“I love you too baby,” Julian said. He pulls out of the embrace and kisses my lips multiple times. We sit down at the table and we hold each other’s hands. Julian is a miracle. I didn’t even know they made men like him anywhere.

“Julian you are so sweet.....I want to spend the rest of my life with you too. I know we haven’t been together for very long but that’s just fine. We love each other and that is all that matters. We both know how we feel and that is all we need,” I said. Julian just smiles at me and we hug each other tight. We then wait for our food and fifteen minutes later, our food arrives. Julian and I say our blessings and then we both start to eat.

“Mmm this is good baby!,” I exclaimed.

“I know it’s one of my favorite places to eat. My mom use to take me here when I was younger,” Julian said.

“Aww that’s nice babe.” Julian smiles and nods his head. He puts a bit of macaroni and cheese on his fork and then puts it to my lips. I smile and then I eat it and my eyes light up. This food is good!

“Mmm everything is so good!,” I exclaimed. Julian laughs a bit and I take a bit of my fried chicken with hot sauce and I put it to Julian’s lips. He smiles and eats it, then looks at me.

“It’s so good,” Julian complimented. I nod my head and Julian and I enjoy our dinner together. We were both so full once we finished! The waitress asked if we wanted dessert, but we both decided to pass. Julian pays for us and then we leave the restaurant. We get into Julian’s car and then we head home.

“Baby did you enjoy our evening?,” Julian asked.

“Yes baby thank you so much. It was so romantic and beautiful. I loved it when you sang. Your voice is amazing to me,” I said.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it baby....I just wanted to have a special night with you. Not for any particular reason, just to show you how much I love you.” I just smile and I kiss Julian’s cheek multiple times. Once we get to my apartment, we both get out of the car, Julian locks his car doors and then we go inside the apartment. I take off my stilettos and Julian takes off his shoes. I take Julian’s hand and we walk into the bedroom. I sit on the bed and Julian sits next to me. Julian sits so his back is against the backboard and his feet are stretched out. I smile a bit and I sit in his lap facing him and I rest my arms around his neck.

“Oooo I like this. Now if we were both naked it would be even better,” Julian said while smirking.

“Oh yeah? Maybe you can convince me to take my clothes off,” I said seductively. Julian raises both of his eyebrows at me and I wink at him. Julian licks his bottom lip and grabs my chin and pulls my lips to his and kisses them gently. I love this man’s lips. I want to feel them all over my body. Julian slowly slides his tongue across my bottom lip and I open my mouth and he slides his tongue inside of my mouth. I moaned slightly and I slide my tongue inside of his mouth. We each explore each other’s mouth with our tongues. I can feel Julian growing hard against me. I want to feel him inside of me so bad. I take my hands and I grab Julian’s hands. I take his hands to my waist and he moves his hands up and down my waist. I move his hands higher and he gets the message and he starts to feel on my breasts. I can’t help but moan out load; his hands feel so good. He squeezes them gently and he is drenching my panties at this point! Ugh! I want this man SO bad!! I pull out of the kiss and I look at Julian and he looks back at me. I put my hands to my back and I pull down the zipper of my dress and Julian looks at me in a bit of shock. I then take down the strap that is around my neck of the dress and I pull the dress down to my waist. I look at Julian as his eyes roam to my size D cup breasts, since I didn’t wear a bra. I see his eyes get big in shock, but then he narrows his eyes and he looks up at me with a look of complete lust.

“....Do you have any clue what you have just done?,” Julian said seductively.

“....Do you like them?,” I asked sexily.

“I love them Zaira....they look even better than I imagined.”

“Don’t talk, just show me baby.” Julian licks his lips and rubs his hands together and I laugh a bit. Julian leans in and starts sucking hard on my left nipple! Damn he just went right in!! He licks, sucks, and bites every inch of my left nipple. He swirls his tongue around my nipple, then flicks his tongue across it. Oh my god this man’s damn tongue is a weapon!! I just tilt my head back in pleasure as moans escape my lips. This feels beyond good. I can’t even describe it. Julian then kisses every inch of my left breast and then leaves a noticeable hickey on it. Julian then switches to my right breast and does the same thing he did to my left breast. Once he is done, he looks at me and I look at him.

“Baby.....are you sure about this? Do you want us to go further?,” Julian asked nicely.

“I really do want to.....but I have to be I’m scared,” I said nervously.

“ don’t have to be scared of me. I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

“I’s not you I’m worried about it’s me....I haven’t done this in so long.”

“And I know that.....we can take it slow if you want to. We can take it as slow as you want to. We won’t do anything you don’t want to do. You just trust me alright?” I just nod my head and Julian smiles and we go back to kissing deeply. I rest my hands on his waist and I pull on the bottom of his shirt. Julian pulls out of the kiss and takes off his shirt and beater quickly. I just look his torso up and down and I use my hands to feel his arms, chest and abs.

“You’re so damn sexy,” I said softly. Julian just smiles at me and I lean in and I gently kiss his neck and he moans lowly. I suck on his neck hard and leave him a small hickey on the left side of his neck. I lick down his neck and I plant small kisses all over his chest as he moans out loud. I run my right hand down his abs and to his pants. I stop kissing his neck and I look at him as I unbuckle and unbutton his jeans.

“Mmm baby I want to feel you so bad,” I said through moans.

“Oh yeah?,” Julian asked.

“Yeah.” I bite my bottom lip as I unzip his pants I move back a bit in Julian’s lap and I slide my hand inside of Julian’s boxers. I run my hands down the shaft of his d*** and I’m surprised when I feel how long he is. He is at least 9 or 10 inches long! My god he is going to kill me! I stroke his shaft slowly and I watch him as he closes his eyes and bites his lip.

“Baby do you have a condom?,” I asked.

“Yeah in the dresser,” Julian said. I nod my head and I go into the dresser and I pull out a Magnum.

“Let’s get undressed baby. You first,” Julian said. I smile and I set the condom in the nightstand and then I get out of the bed and I stand up and I look at Julian and he watches me. I look down and I slide my dress down to my feet and I step out of it.

“Look at me babe. I want to see your eyes,” Julian said. I look at Julian and in his eyes and he looks in mine. I put my hands to my waist and I take off my panties while looking at Julian the whole time. I step out of them and then I throw them to the side.

“’re beautiful. Every inch of you is beautiful,” Julian complimented.

“Thank you,” I said. Julian stands up from the bed and he stands in front of me and slowly looks me up and down. He then moves behind me and I swallow hard. I can feel his eyes roam up and down the backside of my body. I hear him take off the rest of his clothes and he moves so his body is pressed right against mine. Oh my god. He feels so good against me. I want him so bad. He slides his hands up and down my breasts then to my stomach, then to my pussy. I moaned as his right thumb gently rubbed my clit.

“Mmm Julian,” I moaned.

“Open your legs for me baby,” Julian whispered in my ear. He sucks on my ear lobe as I open my legs for him. He runs his right middle finger through the lips of my pussy and I can’t help but moan. Even his hands feel good to me. I rest my head on his shoulder as I feel his hard manhood against my lower back. I can’t wait to feel that. But just as Julian was about to slide a finger inside of me, there is loud banging and knocking on the door. Julian and I are both startled and I turn around to look at him.

“Who could that be?,” Julian asked.

“I’m not sure baby....let’s check it out,” I said. He nods his head and we go into the bathroom and we both put on out robes and then we go to the door. I look through the peephole and I see a police officer.

“Baby it’s the police,” I said while looking at Julian. He just looks at me confused and then I open the door and the male police officer nods his head at both of us.

“Sorry to disturb you at this time, but we are looking for a Julian Matthews. This address was given by your mom,” the police officer said.

“Yes I’m Julian Matthews. Is everything ok? Is my mom and my niece Alexis ok?,” Julian asked quickly.

“Yes they are both fine..... my name is Officer Wilson and this visit is in regards to your son JJ,” police officer responded. Julian just looks at me shock and I look at him. What is going on?

Wow this story for a while....I've been a silent reader :D can't wait for the next add..I hope julian finds his son..

Run It

Aww poor Julian. He's really hurting about his son. How can a b**** just up and leave with her kid taking him away from his daddy for no reason. Important glad he told Zaira and that she understands. Theyre so cute. I like that he dreams of having a family with Zaira. Im also glad Zaira wasn't mad at him for the way he blew up at her. They're too sweet together. Julians even looked at houses for them to share. Loved the add. Run It!!!

thats u just gon take his son and disappear?!

I hope Julian finds his sun... It's good to know zaria is better and I'm glad they are getting a place together


f***. s***. I’m just so f***ing angry right now. I have been thinking about my son situation for the past four days. It’s a topic that I do not talk about. Ever. It makes me uncomfortable and mad. I don’t know how to tell Zaira about this. I know she won’t judge me and I feel really bad about blowing up on her the way I did. I have avoided all contact with her since that day. I have not called, texted or seen her. I just need to clear my mind and get my thoughts together. The timing is probably awful because I know Zaira really needs me right now. But I have decided to come clean to her tonight. It’s Friday at around 8 pm and I am on my way to her place right now. Once I get there, I park the car and take a deep breath. I just hope this goes well. I get out a small overnight bag and then I go up to Zaira’s apartment. I knock on the door and Zaira answers immediately. I look at her and she smiles a bit and I smile back.

“Hi Julian,” Zaira said softly.

“Hi Zaira. Can I please come in?,” I asked.

“Of course.” Zaira moves to the side and I walk in and she closes and locks the door behind me and then we turn to face each other.

“I’ve missed you Julian....have you been alright?,” Zaira asked.

“Yeah I have....I’m sorry for blowing up on you the way I did. That was so wrong of me,” I said.

“Julian baby I love you. You can tell me anything. I will not judge you.”

“I know that now......can we talk about everything?”

“Yeah.” We both sit down on the couch next to each other. I turn to face Zaira and I take out a stack of pictures from my overnight bag. I take a deep breath and then I hand them to her. She looks at me then looks down and starts to look through the pictures. I see her smile as she looks at pictures of <a href="">him</a>.

“Julian.....oh my god. He is absolutely beautiful. I love his this your son?,” Zaira asked.

“......Yeah.....that’s him. That’s JJ,” I said while sighing.

“JJ as in Julian Junior?”


“Well.......what happened to him?”

“......His mom disappeared with him about two years ago. She was supposed to drop him off one weekend at my mom’s house, but she never showed up.....she literally disappeared and took JJ with her,” I said as tears started to fill my eyes.

“Oh baby,” Zaira said sympathetically. She sets the pictures aside and she holds me tight. The next thing I know I am balling on her chest. I don’t think I have ever really cried like this in front of Zaira. It’s just all the feelings I have had bottled in are coming out right now. I have no clue where my son is. I don’t know if he’s ok or even alive. That KILLS me. To know a part of you is somewhere out in the world, but you have no idea where, is probably some of the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.

“Baby it’s ok.....but why didn’t you tell me? You can tell me anything. I would not have judged you,” Zaira said softly.

“....I didn’t know how.....I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t want us to have secrets. I want us to be honest with each other,” I said through tears.

“I want us to be honest too baby,” Zaira said. She kisses the top of my head multiple times and rocks me a bit until I calm down. Once I am calm, I pull out of the embrace and Zaira wipes my face completely of my tears and then she kisses my cheek.

“Baby, didn’t you file a missing person’s report for the mother of your child and JJ?,” Zaira asked.

“Yeah and they searched for months. But she left no evidence behind she literally disappeared off the face of the earth. There were no leads,” I said.

“....How old is JJ now?”

“He’s five,” I said while smiling a bit.

“Oh baby I am so sorry. I’m so sorry you had your son taken away from your mom and Alexis know about JJ then right?”

“Yeah of course.....I specifically told my mom not to mention him to you and Alexis might remember him. They didn’t see each other too much only a few times.”

“....What was your relationship like with JJ’s mom?”

“....She was my high school sweetheart. We got together when we were 17 years old. We were truly in love.....or so I thought......I still have no idea why she just up and left and took our son with her....Zaira....I loved them both with all of my heart. They were my heart, my everything. That little boy meant the world to me. He was my life......some days I still can’t believe that I haven’t seen him in two years. That’s crazy to me.”

“That’s so sad breaks my heart to know you have a son out there, but you can’t see him. I’m so sorry Julian,” Zaira said while rubbing my left hand.

“Thanks baby.....again I apologize for blowing up at you and not telling you sooner. I was wrong for that,” I said.

“It’s ok baby I forgive you.” I smile and I peck Zaira’s lips then she kisses my cheek. Zaira picks up the pictures and continues to look through them.

“Baby your son is gorgeous....he looks like you,” Zaira said while smiling.

“Thanks babe....can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“......Do you want kids someday?” Zaira just looks at me and her face lights up. Wow.

“Julian....I have always wanted kids. Kids are.....miracles to me. I have always wanted to be a mother for as long as I could remember,” Zaira said excitedly.

“....You would be the best mother in the world.”

“Aww thank you Julian.....I already know you would be an excellent father. I am sure you were an excellent father to JJ. You probably spoiled him to death.”

“Well yeah I did. I went all out for my lil’ man....damn I miss him. I try not to think about it him but how can I not? He’s my son. He is a part of just hurts that he isn’t here with me.”

“Have you talked to the police lately?”

“I try to talk to them at least once a month but my case is a cold leads whatsoever.”

“Well maybe it will change one day.”

“I hope so....they could be anywhere in the world.”

“Were you together with the mother when she left?”

“No.....we were actually getting ready to discuss a custody deal. Our court date was two months away when she disappeared. I wanted joint custody but she wanted full custody. We just.....well I just wasn’t in love with her at that point. Neither of us was happy in the relationship. We just grew apart you know? It sucks it had to happen because I feel like if we were still together.....we would be living happily ever after somewhere. I would be with my son.”

“I how do you think Travis knew about everything?”

“.....Probably by Antonio. I was working for Antonio when I had JJ, so they must have talked about it, even though it’s neither of their business.”

“Oh ok......what do you miss most about JJ?”

“His smile......and the way he said daddy. He had the cutest voice,” I said while smiling a bit.

“Awww baby.”

“Whenever I would come see him he would say “Daddy I miss you. Stay with me”,” I said softly. I just close my eyes and I try to fight back the tears that are forming in my eyes.

“....It’s ok to cry Julian. You always tell me that,” Zaira said softly. I just sigh and open my eyes and I rest my head in Zaira’s lap and she gently rubs my left cheek.

“Thank you for being honest with me baby....I don’t want you to think you can’t tell me anything. You can talk to me about anything you want to,” Zaira said in an encouraging tone.

“I know....thank you babe,” I said.

“.....So what do you want to do tonight?”

“You,” I joked. Zaira just laughs and I look at her and make a funny face and she laughs harder.

“.....How are you doing with everything? Was that joke too soon?,” I asked.

“No baby it’s ok....I have been doing better. The nightmares have stopped and I think I am on the road to recovery.....I actually think about us making love all the time Julian....I just imagine it being perfect. In a way it helps me. It gives me something to look forward to,” Zaira said.

“Zaira baby I will wait as long as you need me to.....but I have to be honest. I miss your pussy. I miss tasting you that s*** was addicting. You’re so damn sweet and tight and wet,” I said.

“You’re nasty,” Zaira said while laughing hard.

“I know that, but you really don’t know that just wait until I am inside that tight, wet pussy. I will show you nasty.”

“Oh my god how did you become so freaky?”

“I was born this way baby,” I said while smirking.

“Yeah I guess so.” Zaira picks up the pictures and looks through them again.

“Oh my gosh JJ is so gorgeous. I want him,” Zaira said while laughing.

“I want him too,” I said.

“I can’t even imagine how much you miss him.”

“It’s hard I know that much.”

“.....Baby if you ever found him, what would you do? Would you get full custody?”

“Of course I would do my best to do that......I would take care of JJ and Alexis if I was ever given the would you feel about that? I mean....Zaira.....I really feel like you are the one for me and I want you in my life forever, so I need your opinion.”

“Julian....I would support you 100% in all of this. If you wanted to get a place with all of use someday, I would absolutely love that. I love kids and I want a house full of them.”

“You’re amazing.....I can’t wait until I can make a baby with you. The process is going to be so much fun,” I said while laughing. Zaira just slaps my chest lightly and then she leans down and pecks my lips a few times.

“Baby thank you for understanding all of this. I know I should have told you sooner,” I said.

“It’s ok baby, I was never mad at you. I know it must have been hard to tell me about it, but I am glad you did,” Zaira said.

“...Can I stay over tonight?”

“You don’t even have to ask baby.” I just smile and pucker my lips and Zaira leans down and kisses my lips again.

“I found us a place babe. The realtor said we could move whenever we are ready. You want to go check out the place in the next week or so?,” I asked.

“Oh baby I would love that! I can’t wait! I really am looking forward to living with you baby,” Zaira said.

“Me too.....the only thing I am worried about is your yelling.”

“My yelling?”

“Yeah....when I give you my tongue, you scream at the top of my lungs and you squirt, so when we take it further, the neighbors are going to complain about your yelling so much,” I joked.

“Ok I’m done with you,” Zaira said while laughing. She pushes me off of her and I fall to the floor on my back and we both start laughing hard.

“Come here,” I said.

“You want me to lie on the floor next to you?,” Zaira asked.

“No I want you to lie on top of me,” I said. Zaira bites her bottom lip while smiling a bit. Damn I love that s***. Zaira stands up from the couch and she gets on top of me and I grab her face gently and I pull her closer to me and I kiss her passionately. Zaira moaned out the minute our lips touched and I slide my tongue inside of her mouth. I run my hands up and down her back and then she pulls out of the kiss and we just hug each other tight. I know she isn’t ready for that next level and I am willing to wait. After a two minute embrace, I pull out of the embrace and I sit up with Zaira in my lap. She gets out of my lap and sits next to me and I pull her legs into my lap. I grab the pictures of JJ and I start to look through them as Zaira rests her head on my shoulder. I haven’t looked at any pictures of JJ in about a year now. It just hurts so much. After just going through the first few pictures, my eyes are already filled with tears. Zaira gently rubs the back of my neck and I look at her and smile a bit. I just wish I knew how JJ was at least. I am his father, I deserve to know that much. I rest my head on top of Zaira’s and I sigh heavily as the tears fall down my cheeks. I would do absolutely anything to get my son back. Anything. But right now, I just have to continue on with my life, just hoping and praying that wherever he is, he is alright.

Travis truly is crazy. And im glad they beating his ass in prison. Hes so manipulative. I don't believe a thing he says. But now I do wonder about this Julian having a son issue. He got so upset when Zaira asked him about it. But why tho? Why's he so upset now? Damn just when they were getting somewhere... RUN IT!!!

This is one crazy ass rollercoaster with them,, ... Run it

With why can't Julian just tell her about his son? I wonder what all he's hiding.
Run it!!!


Four days pass and today is Monday and I am doing alright. I am really just trying to accept everything, and move on. It’s awful that I have an STD, and I want to kill Travis, but it is treatable so I am thankful for that. I’m so thankful for Julian. I thank God for him every day. I would have fallen apart of it weren’t for him. I love him so much and I am just so happy that he is being so supportive through all of this. He stays strong for me and I love that. Well anyway, it’s around 2 pm and you won’t believe where Julian and I are on our way to. We are on our way to see Travis in prison. Shocked? Me too. Ever since last week, his lawyer has been blowing up my phone asking for me to visit Travis. I told him to go to hell the first few times he called, but then Julian convinced me to go. He told me that I need this closure. Travis will try to explain himself to me today. A part of me wants to know what he could possibly have to say to me. He better apologize. That would make me feel a bit better, but it will never undo the pain he caused.

“Babe you alright?,” Julian asked.

“I don’t want to see him....soon as I see his face, I know I am going to become angry,” I said.

“Do you want me to go in with you? Because you know I will.”

“No because I don’t want you to have to go to jail for killing him,” I said while laughing a bit.

“Well....I can’t argue with that. I know as soon as I see him, I will want to choke him to death or something.....he hurt my woman, my baby,” Julian said while rubbing my left hand.

“You’re so’re perfect.”

“I’m far from perfect babe. You are one of my top priorities, I just want to make sure you are ok at all times.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I lean over and peck Julian’s cheek and I sit back in my seat. Once we get to the prison, we get out and walk in. Julian waits in the waiting room but before I am lead to the visiting section, I give Julian a kiss and a hug. I am seated at a table separated by glass. A few minutes later, the inmates start to come in. I see Travis and I gasp when I see him. He has two black eyes, a busted lip and multiple bruises over his arms that are exposed from his outfit. He is walking kind of strangely too. Once he sees me, he smiles a bit. He sits down across from me and he picks up the telephone. I take a deep breath and then I pick up the phone and I look at him.

“Hi Zaira,” Travis said.

“Hi,” I said softly.

“....You look good Zaira.”

“What do you need to say to me?”

“.....I still.....I can’t believe what I did to you Zaira. I can’t believe that I.....raped you.”

“.....How could you do that to me Travis? How could you hurt me like that? Especially knowing that I was raped once before. You saw that pain I had to deal with and you knew how difficult it was for me. We were in a relationship for six months and we didn’t even have sex because of that how could you put me through all this pain?”

“I can’t answer that.....but I feel awful Zaira I really do.”

“....Was our relationship just sex to you? Is that all you wanted from me? Was that all my worth was to you?”

“Not at all.....I loved you Zaira. I still do.”

“Yeah right Travis. You don’t hurt someone the way you hurt me if you love them. That makes no sense.”

“Well I do.....I have never loved anyone that way I love you Zaira. I swear to you I believe you are my soul mate. You were made for me.” I just look at Julian in complete shock. What?! Is he serious? He is seriously psychotic.

“Travis.....please spare me.....what you did to me that night, I will never ever forget. I won’t forget a single second of hurt me in the most personal way and you know raped me Travis. You taped the whole thing....and you didn’t have the decency to use a condom and you want to know something? I have a f***in’ STD because of you,” I said evilly. Travis just stares at me in shock; I take it he didn’t know.

“Zaira.....I don’t know what to say.....I’m sorry I truly am,” Travis said sympathetically.

“Ok you’re sorry fine. I can forgive you, but I won’t forget......ever since you raped me, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. I have been angry, sad, depressed, just everything. I was just so beyond hurt that someone that I loved and was there for, for six months, could take advantage of me the way you did. I wanted to make you feel the pain that you caused me....I wanted you to be hurt just as bad as I was.......but in all honesty, I have a man that has been.....beyond amazing with all of this. Julian loves me so much Travis. He loves me so much. He loves me in ways you could never ever understand. It’s because of him that I’m not walking around with my head down like my world has ended. You hurt me, but my life is not over. I have Julian to thank for reminding me of that. I would probably be in a very dark place without him, but he is here and he assures me every day that I am going to be fine. may think I am your soul mate, but I know you are not mine. Julian is and I am his,” I said as tears streamed down my cheeks. I look at Travis and he puts his head down and I see tears stream down his face. Boy can he put on a show.

“....You can really put on a show Travis....but I’m not stupid. When you looked me in my eyes the night you raped me, I saw no soul. Your eyes were completely you had no soul whatsoever. You can say sorry and cry all you want but I know better. You did what you did and you can’t take it back. It’s done and you have to live with it. You will spend a good portion of your life in prison and I honestly hope you rot in here, because I am going to be fine. I’m strong and I am going to make it,” I said.

“Zaira.....I honestly rather be in here than in the outside world anyway.....the only thing that has ever made me truly happy......was you and I know I can’t have you now. Zaira you mean everything to me and I know I hurt you and I don’t know why, but I did,” Travis said.

“Travis sound insane.”

“Well maybe I am Zaira.” I just look at him and I shake my head. He is insane actually probably beyond insane.

“....I’m already being punished for this s*** Zaira. As you can tell I have been beaten multiple times because of what I did to you......these niggas in here don’t really like inmates that hurt women or children.....I’m lucky I haven’t know....raped,” Travis said softly.

“You deserve to be punished for what you did to me Travis.....and you should get an STD test so you can should probably tell your ho that too,” I said rudely.

“......You hate me don’t you?”

“You want the honest answer? I don’t. I don’t hate you. I don’t have the time or energy to hate you. My heart is not filled with’s filled with love. Not for you, but for everyone that I care about. I don’t need to carry hate in my heart when I have people that love me unconditionally.....I forgive you for what you did Travis I honestly do. If I didn’t forgive you, I would ruin all my relationships and I need them.” I look at Travis and I see him turn his head to the side slightly and then narrow his eyes at me. He looks angry and I just roll my eyes. Nothing about him will ever change.

“....That nigga is far from perfect you know,” Travis taunted.

“You’re one to talk one is perfect. And that includes Julian....he has been through some tough s*** in his life and he has his problems just like the rest of us,” I said.

“Yeah that’s he’s told you about his son then right?” I just look at Travis in confusion. What the hell is he talking about?

“Wh-what? What are you talking about?,” I asked while stuttering a bit. Travis just smiles evilly and then sets down the phone and leaves the table. I just set the phone down. What is Travis talking about? Julian has a son? Why have I never heard about him? Or met him? Julian sees Alexis every weekend and that’s his niece so if he had a son I know he would treat him just as well as he treats Alexis. He would be there for his son; I know that for a fact. I’m confused. I just sigh heavily and I get up from my chair and I leave the visiting room. I find Julian in the waiting room and when he sees me he smiles and I give him a faint smile as well. He stands up from his chair and walks over to me.

“How was it babe?,” Julian asked.

“It was ok......he apologized but he said he still loved me and that I was his soul mate.....he is honestly insane. But I got all of these feelings I have bottled up towards him off of my chest, so I feel good about that,” I said.

“Well as long as you got ready to go?” I nod my head and Julian grabs my hand and we leave. We get in his car and he starts to head to my apartment. I really want to know what Travis was talking about when he said Julian had a son. He could be lying, but he could be telling the truth. Why would Julian not tell me about this?

“Babe.....can I ask you something?,” I asked hesitantly.

“You can ask me anything baby,” Julian said.

“Well.....when I was talking to Travis.....he mentioned something....he said.....that you had a son.” Julian just looks over at me and I see he looks shocked. He instantly pulls over to the side of the road and he parks the car and turns to face me. I look at him and he looks angry and sad all at the same time.

“....Why the f*** was Travis telling you about that? How the f*** does he know about that?,” Julian asked in an aggravated tone.

“I don’t know Julian....he just said you weren’t perfect and I told him that I knew that.....then he mentioned it true?,” I asked. He just looks down and takes a deep breath. I see him clench his fists and I can tell he is very angry. He just turns back to face the steering wheel and then he speeds off, causing us both to shift back in our seats at how quickly he picked up speed. I have never seen Julian like this. I must have hit a very sensitive topic.

“Julian.....I’m sorry but I want to know....I need to know. Do you have a son?,” I asked. Julian just clenches his jaw and shakes his head.

“You don’t?,” I asked.

“I don’t want to talk about this s*** Zaira!,” Julian yelled. I just look at him in shock. I have never seen him angry like this. Why is he acting like this?

“Julian.....I just want to know. Don’t you think I deserve to know?,” I asked.

“Just leave it alone,” Julian said calmly.

“Julian don’t shut me know you can tell me anything. I will not judge you.”

“I’m just going to drive you home then I’m going back to my place for the night.”

“I don’t want you to do that.”

“Well that’s what I want to do.” I just sigh and I rest my head against the window. Once Julian gets to my apartment, I quickly get out with all of my things. The second I close the door, Julian speeds off. I just watch as he drives down the road. I don’t understand why he is acting like this. I just want to know the truth. What is Julian hiding?

Julian is just so perfect...he is so understanding and compassionate toward her. Run it

Lol right I think I think I just fell in love with Julian...

julian is perfect!

I freakin love Julian. He's not going anywhere and he's letting her know it. I hope her therapist can help her get through this. Damn chlymidia tho that sucks. Thank goodness it's tractable. And she needs to quit feeling ashamed about it. She was raped and got it. It's wasn't willingly caught. Swear Julian always has such sweet words to say. Love him. RUN IT!!!

I love that Julian tries to make sure zaria is ok mentally n supports her

Thanks for the love ladies I love ya'll <3


Three weeks and a few days pass and I am doing a little bit better. I am really trying to move forward. I am still very hurt by what happened. I have been seeing a therapist the past two weeks, and she has been helpful. I talk to her about anything that I am feeling and it feels so good to get all of these negative thoughts and feelings I have had out of me. Julian has gone with me and I appreciate that. I love that man so much. He has been nothing but supportive to me. He tries so hard to do whatever I ask him and I appreciate that so much. He always knows what to say or do to make me feel better. He’s perfect I swear. I would not know where I would be without him. Well right now it’s Thursday afternoon and me and Julian are on our way to get my results from my STD/HIV and pregnancy tests I took last week. I’m kind of nervous. I just hope that everything comes back negative. I really would not know what to do if anything came back positive. Julian and I are waiting in the waiting area in the doctor’s office and the time now is 3 pm. I am missing class in order to make this appointment. At 3:15, the doctor calls Julian and I. We both stand up and I grab his hand and then we follow the doctor to a room down the hall. The doctor sits down in a chair and then Julian and I sit down across from him.

“Well Zaira, you did test negative for pregnancy and HIV,” the doctor said. I just exhale in relief. I look at Julian and he smiles and I hug him tight.

“Oh thank goodness. What about everything else?,” I asked.

“Well....there is no easy way to say did test positive for chlamydia,” the doctor said sympathetically. The wind was literally just knocked out of me. What? I have an STD? No. I cannot believe this. This can’t be right.

“....Wh-what?,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry Zaira. You have chlamydia. This STD usually does not have noticeable symptoms in its early stages, so that is why you probably didn’t notice anything I know no one wants this diagnosis. But it’s treatable. I will give you antibiotics today and you will be fine, completely cured. Until then if you choose to have sex in the next two weeks, you will need to use a you have any questions?” I just look down as tears overflow my eyes. My whole world is caving in. Julian wraps his arms around me and I just bury my head in his chest and I start balling my eyes out. Why? Why does bad s*** always happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? What did I do that was so bad? Why am I being punished? I just want to scream. That is exactly what I do. I scream at the top of my lungs, startling Julian and the doctor.

“Baby it’s’s treatable you will be fine,” Julian said. I just push Julian away and I get up from the chair and I run out of the room. I am so.....I have no words to describe my feelings. Julian comes running after me in the hallway and once he catches up to me, he grabs my waist to stop me and he spins me around to look at him.

“Baby calm down ok? This isn’t the end of the’s ok. You are going to be fine,” Julian said.

“How can you be so supportive? Your girlfriend, has f***ing chlamydia and she didn’t get it from you. How can you even look at me? How can you not be disgusted with the fact that I got an STD from another man? Huh?,” I yelled. Julian just stares at me in complete shock. He knows that I NEVER swear so he knows I must be very angry and hurt.

“Because it’s not like you cheated on me with another man Zaira. You were raped. Travis took advantage of you that’s what happened......I feel horrible that Travis gave you an STD. It isn’t fair I know that, but it is going to be fine. You are going to be fine. You can be treated in just a matter of weeks,” Julian said in an encouraging tone. I just stare at him as he looks down at me. I don’t get him. How can he still be so supportive with all of this?

“....I don’t understand you.....I’m nasty and vile! Only nasty people get STD’s!,” I yelled.

“Zaira stop. You are not nasty or vile. You’re not a ho or anything like that. You got an STD because you were raped, not because you lied down and willingly opened your legs. Don’t you understand?,” Julian said calmly. I just shake my head and look down as numerous tears stream down my face.

“Listen baby this is treatable. You will take the medicine and be fine ok? Now let’s go get your prescription so we can go,” Julian offered. I just walk past him and I walk back to the room. I am so angry right now. I have never been so angry in my life. I am usually a very chill person, but my blood is boiling right now. This just isn’t fair. It’s sickening that Travis could just do what he did, possibly knowing he had an STD. I am thinking so many things right now. I am sure he got it from Lisa, with her nasty ass. What if Travis and I were still together and he gave this STD to me when I willingly had sex with him, because he did cheat on me with Lisa. Thank goodness we aren’t. That thought makes me sick to my stomach. He has no shame. That man did not love me one bit. That s*** really hurts. It hurt then and it still does. Ahhh! I feel like hitting someone. I really need to calm down; being angry is not in my nature. But right now I wouldn’t mind taking Julian’s gun, finding Travis and Lisa in jail and ending their misery. That is how mad and hurt I am. I get the prescription from the doctor and then I leave in a hurry. Julian follows quickly behind me. I really don’t want to talk to him right now, I am way too upset. I don’t want to say anything that I might regret later on, so I’m going to try to keep my mouth closed for a bit. We get to his car in the parking lot and we both get in and Julian starts up the car and looks at me. I know he wants to say something, but I don’t want to hear it.

“Julian can you please just drive to the pharmacy so I can get this prescription? I don’t want to talk,” I said quickly.

“Alright babe,” Julian said softly. I just sigh heavily and I rest my head against the window and Julian pulls off. I cry the entire ride to the pharmacy. I can’t believe I still have tears to cry. I have been crying ever since I was raped, which was like 7 weeks ago. I’m sick of crying. I don’t want to cry anymore. I don’t want to be sad. I want to be over it. I want to be happy. I want to be happy with Julian. He is truly amazing. He has been nothing but supportive. I know he loves me and I love him. I love that man with all my heart. He is my everything. I need him and I just hope I don’t push him away. Sometimes when things get rough, I tend to do that with people that care about me. He doesn’t deserve that though. Once we get to the pharmacy, we get the prescription filled and then we leave and head to my apartment. We both get out and walk in and Julian closes and locks the door behind us. I go into the kitchen and I get out a bottle of water and I quickly take the pills with the water. Afterwards I sigh and I see Julian looking at me.

“.....I can cook us dinner if you want,” Julian said softly.

“I’m not really hungry,” I said.

“Are you sure babe?”


“....I know you’re angry....and hurt. I know I can never ever understand or feel the pain you do dealing with all of this, but you have to remember that I am here for you.”

“.....I know.....I just don’t understand how you are so accepting about all of be honest.....I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore Julian.....I am disgusted by what I see looking back at me. I hate every inch of my body......I feel like a used ho. I feel like trash,” I said as tears begin to cloud my vision.

“Oh how can you feel like that? You know you are not a ho, don’t even think that for a second.” I just look at Julian. I don’t get him. He always knows what to say. He refuses to let me push him away and I really appreciate that because I need him. I truly do.

“......So when you look at me Julian....what do you see? Tell me,” I asked. Julian smiles a bit and moves closer to me and wipes my face of my tears.

“I see.....this beautiful, sexy woman.....that right now, is hurt......but this woman is strong. She’s stronger than she knows. She has been through some very tough things in her life, but she is still here. She’s still standing tall even if she might not see it. She thinks that Travis broke her spirit, but he really didn’t. He may have put a few cracks in it, but it’s far from broken. How do I know that? Because she still manages to smile even though her heart is aching. She still makes sure her man is happy, even though she isn’t.....when I look at her.....I see the woman of my dreams. No experience she goes through will ever change that. That is what I see when I look at you Zaira,” Julian said strongly. Oh. My. God. Is this man an angel sent from heaven? He must be because what he said to me just melted my heart. What he just said has to be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. He is beyond amazing. He’s perfect for me and I am not going to let him go. Ever. Tears are flowing down my face like a river. I just run to Julian and he laughs a bit as he picks me up and holds me tight. I wrap my legs around his waist and I hold onto him tight.

“I love you so much Julian,” I said through tears.

“I bet I love you more,” Julian said jokingly. I just laugh a bit and so does Julian. Today could have been one of the worst days of my life, but as usual, Julian is doing his best to make it one of my best. Julian has been amazing through all of this and I am really starting to realize something; with him by my side, I’m going to be just fine.

Julian is so good to her.
I hope Zaria can get through this.

Aww for Zaira she's going through it. But Im glad Ju is there by her side through it all. Helping her through this. I do think she should see a therapist or something to help with how she's feeling. That necklace Julian gave her was sweet. He's such a good man. I hope Zaira can move on and go back to the old her. She's such a sweet girl. Run It

Julian is such an amazing man. Where can I find one like him ? Lol

poor zaira

Aww poor zaria I hope she gets thru this


It’s been about a month and a few days since Zaira was raped and well....Zaira has changed. She isn’t the outgoing, fun person she used to be. She just....isn’t happy right now. She hardly eats, barely sleeps, has changed her style completely and she has even put on a few pounds. She wears only baggy clothes, in an attempt to hide her body. She doesn’t wear makeup or any jewelry anymore. I think she is trying to make herself look plain or less attractive. She still looks absolutely beautiful to me. I think she is really struggling. I think she might even be depressed. She still smiles and gets her homework done, but I know that she is having a hard time with the aftermath of the rape. Some days she only wants to cuddle with me, but some days, she doesn’t even want me to touch her. Some days she wants numerous kisses from me, but some days she doesn’t want any. This is really hard on both of us. Well right now, Zaira is taking her shower and I am sitting on her bed waiting for her. She comes out of the bathroom all dressed and she instantly sits next to me on the bed and I look at her and smile. I kiss her cheek and she smiles a bit.

“Baby, I have something for you,” I said.

“Really babe?,” Zaira asked. I just nod my head and I go into the nightstand drawer and I hand Zaira a long jewelry box. She just looks at me and smiles.

“Baby you did not have to get me anything,” Zaira said.

“Open it gorgeous,” I said. She looks at me and I see her eyes soften.

“What’s wrong?,” I asked.

“.....Am I really still gorgeous to you?,” Zaira asked hesitantly.

“ are the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Open your gift.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too baby.” Zaira nods her head and she opens the box and her eyes bulge in shock. She takes out the <a href="">necklace</a> and then looks at me.

“Julian....oh my god. This is beautiful,” Zaira said.

“I know it isn’t much, but I just wanted to get you a gift. Just to remind you that I love you....let me put it on you,” I said. She hands the necklace and me and she turns her back to me and I place the necklace around her neck and latch it. I slide Zaira in between my legs and I wrap my arms around her waist and I hold her tight. I rest my cheek against Zaira’s and I feel tears on my cheek. I look and see Zaira crying.

“Baby what’s wrong?,” I asked. Zaira just sighs and rests her head on my shoulder. I kiss her cheek multiple times as I gently rub her stomach.

“Talk to me baby. Tell me what’s wrong,” I said.

“Everything,” Zaira said through tears.

“Everything is wrong?”

“I just feel....very unhappy Julian. I don’t feel like myself at all. I’m depressed.....I swear if I didn’t have you Julian.....I wouldn’t know what to do.” Damn. My baby is hurt so bad and this s*** hurts me to be honest. I hate seeing her like this. I wrap my arms around her tightly and I put my lips to her ear.

“Zaira, baby you mean everything to me. I love you so damn much. If you’re hurting then so am I. You have to know that I am right here for you. If you want to cry in my arms for days, then I will let you. If you want me to stay away from you for days so you can vent on your own, then I will let you. You tell me anything you need and I will do it for you no questions asked,” I whispered in Zaira’s ear.

“...Why are you so amazing huh?,” Zaira whispered back.

“Why are you?” Zaira just smiles a bit and closes her eyes as I kiss her cheek multiple times.

“Thank you for the necklace. It means so much to me, I love it,” Zaira said.

“I’m glad you like it baby,” I said.

“.....Can you do something for me?”

“Anything baby.”

“....Can you.....touch me? Show me your hands are different than Travis’ and Lisa’s. Show me you won’t hurt me,” Zaira said through tears. Oh my god. That s*** just hurt me so deep. Zaira.....she is so damaged by all of this, but I will help her get through this. I take my hands from her waist and I gently caress her body from her neck down to her arms, her waist, and up and down her legs. I felt her shiver while I did this; I hope this is a good thing.

“How’s that baby?,” I whispered.

“Your hands...feel so good baby.....I wish I could make love to you,” Zaira said softly.

“...You mean that?”

“Yes. I need to be intimate with you so bad.....I need you to show me that sex shouldn’t be something I should be something beautiful that we share together as a couple,” Zaira said as tears ran down her cheeks. Zaira is breaking my heart right now. To hear some of her thoughts, they hurt me so much. They hurt my heart. Damn.

“You’re so right is a beautiful experience that will bring us closer together as a couple....when the time is right, it will happen,” I said.

“....Can I be honest?,” Zaira said softly.

“Of course baby.”

“.....That night....when Travis raped me.....I wanted to make love to you so bad. I thought about it all day....I was rushing home because I know you had a special night planned. I had it all planned out....we were going to enjoy the dinner you made, then I wanted to enjoy making love to you until the sun came up....I felt so ready and willing that night.....but Travis and Lisa quickly ruined our plans without even know....when I had my boyfriend in high school, the man I lost my virginity to....I didn’t really like sex. It was uncomfortable most of the time because we were both so new to it, so we had a lot of learning to do....but with you Julian.....I knew I would love it. I just had this feeling that sex with you.....would be one of the best experiences of my life....I knew that because our chemistry is off the charts and we love each other so much.....I knew you would be so gentle and loving towards me.....I knew it would have been perfect....I wish I could go back to that night and do something different. I don’t know what, but I would have fought harder or something. I would do anything to get myself out of that situation.”

“ everything you just said is really hitting me right in my’s really sad that you feel the way you feel....but have to know that God does not make us go through anything that we can’t handle. And in God’s plan....there are no mistakes. Everything happens for a reason.”

“I know I just...I wish I understood the reason why I had to get raped by Travis, a man that I once loved....I know I shouldn’t question anything, I just need to deal with it.....but it’s so hard Julian. It’s so hard to keep living life when I just want to disappear.” Damn, Zaira is hurting my heart right now. I don’t even know what to say.

“I don’t want you to disappear.....where would I be without you huh?,” I said softly. Zaira turns her head to look at me and she smiles.

“I don’t know where I would be without you Julian,” Zaira said.

“You’re strong Zaira,” I said.

“I don’t feel strong right now.....I feel weak.....completely broken down and torn apart.”

“But you’re still here right? So you must not be that weak babe.”

“.....I guess you’re right....but that’s not how I feel.”

“....Well I understand that baby....tell me what I can do. I will do anything to help you get through this.”

“So’re doing everything right Julian.” I just smile and I lean in and I kiss Zaira’s lips. She turns her head forward and rests it against my shoulder and I hold her tight. I know that Zaira is strong and she will get through this no matter what. I just hope she realizes this too because as soon as she does, the sooner she will be able to move on.