Beginning
The bottles of Ciroc and Vodka were half gone as we'd drank until we were intoxicated and the pills that we'd taken were sprawled out on the kitchen table and floor. I looked at the mess that we had created in our rage, glass laid shattered in some parts of the floor and clothes were thrown all over the place but in the clouded stage that I was in it seemed like a normal phase. He stared glossy eyed at me from across the floor leaning against the back of the couch; sometimes his eyes would wander towards the front door anticipating the usual visit of the police that the neighbors would call to dispute the disturbence. I slithered out of the kitchen chair and crawled over to him and laid my head down in his lap as he wrapped his arms around me.
We were a bad mix but the feeling of being in love with one another was like a high that you get...the good and bad. No words were exchanged between the two of us for the rest of the night and we slept in the same position still until the morning came. When I woke up I was no longer on the floor but on the couch with his jacket covering me for a blanket; he was up working on his artwork on the other side of the apartment. Events from last night replayed in my head; After spending the entire day together being mischievous we retired back to his apartment followed by heavy drinking and pills which then led to us fighting. A lot of screaming and fighting had taken place, he said some things and I said some things, and we ended up cuddling afterwards. Some would say it was an unhealthy routine but to us it was how we dealt with the world around us.
I got up from the couch and went into the bathroom; the sight of me was unbearable as I had black stained mascara tears, dark circles around my eyes and the red lipstick was smeared across my cheek and chin. I jumped into the shower and washed until I was clean and when I looked back into the mirror again I felt like my old self once more; quickly I dried and lotioned and threw on a fitted white wife beater and my leopard panties; after a night of fighting I knew he would like to see me in his favorite outfit. By the time I got back into the living room he was no longer painting but cleaning up the mess from last night but he stopped when he saw me. His mouth opened to say something but all he did was nod at me with a weak smile; I returned the favor and went into the kitchen..I guess he's still hesistant about last night. All that was left in the fridge was a six pack of Heineken and Chinese take out from a couple of weeks ago and the cabinets had but one can of beans. Suddenly I felt his prescence in the kitchen and I turned to see him close to my body; he picked me up by my ass and set me down atop of the kitchen counter and our hands roamed each other's body.
He began kissing the spot on my neck as I rested my chin on his shoulder softly moaning into his ear and his hands were found going underneath my shirt and pulling it over my head. We pressed against each other bare chested as our tongues played tag with one another before he returned to the spot on my neck again. A mirror hung on the other side of the wall crooked and I took a look; in the mirror was a reflection of love but all I saw was a repeated cycle of love and abuse.
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Icky
I found myself at her doorstep, wondering if I should just ring the doorbell or just walk away; my fingertip inched closer to the button..but instead I chickened out and started walking off the porch. The front door opened and my sister Shannon was standing in the doorway. "Icky...please don't leave. I was waiting for you to come back" she said. "I didn't think you'd be home sis..but I'm honestly glad that you're here. I've been meaning to patch things up with you" I said with tears rolling down my face. "Come inside" Shannon opened the door wider and let me come in and locked the front door. "Can I get you something to drink? Something to eat?" Shannon asked; "No..a friend got me some lunch" I said smiling at me and Jace's brunch date earlier. "So tell me what's been going on sis?" she asked me, I took a deep breath and began telling her about the mounting problems I had in my relationship with Ares. When I was done I was already in tears unable to catch my breathing, my sister hugged me tight, a hug that I'd been longing for for a while. "What are you gonna do now?" Shannon said wiping her tears away; "I don't know..I don't have a job or a place of my own; I can't go back to Ares sis..I just can't." I said calming my breathing down a little.
"You can stay here as long as you can until you get back on your feet again. You're my sister Icky and it pains me to have to see you struggle the way you do." Shannon said. "But I don't wanna put you out or make it seem like I'm taking you for advantage. I can stay in a motel for a couple of nights-" "No exceptions Icky...you're staying with me and that's an order lol" she said. "I love you sis" "I love you too" and then we had another sisterly hug again.
*Ares Art Gallery*
Ares
I'd been calling Icky all damn day with no fcking reply; I wish she could just hear me out and let me apologize. Looking around at my artwork posted on the walls it seemed like nobody was even interested in looking at it let alone buy any of my art pieces. With the combination of being in withdrawl and not speaking to Icky for a while I snapped at one of the directors; "What the fck is going on? Why isn't anyone buying any of my art pieces?" I said; "Well Ares, we've gotten certain complaints that your artwork is too sexual and derogative..not to mention a lack of creativity" he said. Now I was angry, I threw a folded chair across the room and startled a few people looking at me; "WHAT THE FCK ARE YOU GUYS LOOKING AT? YOU THINK THAT MY ARTWORK IS STUPID, WELL I'VE GOT MORE FCKING TALENT IN MY PINKY FINGER THAN YOU DO IN THE REST OF YOUR BODY!" I screamed. "Ares..please calm down before I have to send in security" the art director said; I was no longer paying attention and began making a scene. I jumped atop of the food table and knocked off the platters, cups and drinks onto the wood floor and started stripping down to my boxers. Many people were already leaving and others stayed behind to watch me fall from grace; "You are a menace! You shouldn't be allowed to be an artist!" a woman screamed at me shaking her finger. "Shut your fat ass up you shruken apple-headed bxtch!" I said; "Ares enough! I'm calling security!"
"Fck it I'm leaving anyways..this party was whack anyways." I made myself a glass of punch and walked out of the gallery. It wasn't long before the cops pulled me over and arrested me; I was hitting rock bottom and spiraling out of control..I need you Icky
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Icky
When morning came I stretched from the couch and went upstairs to begin packing up my belongings. Ares was passed out on the floor with his shirt off but he woke up as I was packing my stuff up midway; he slurred his words a little bit begging me not to leave but I hit him repeatedly with my hands and bag until he gave up. I rushed down the stairs and out the door giving it a swift kick before flipping it off before taking the elevator down to the lobby and out the door. I unknowingly bumped into somebody while trying to re-collect myself and knocked a magazine out of their hands. "I'm so sorry sir--" I looked up and as if it was fate Jace was looking right back into my eyes. "In a rush much?" he laughed and I picked up the magazine to give it back to him; "Sorry I-I'm just having a little personal problem with my boyfriend that's all." I said; "I hope it's nothing too serious to make you all fidgety" he said. "No I'm fine. What are you doing on this side of town anyways?" I said; "I was just going around the city that's all; haven't been home in a while so I wanted to get back in touch with my roots." Jace said. "You're from Toronto? I didn't know that" I said slightly stunned. "Yeah, us Canadians don't look like we come from Canada lol. "
" I'm really sorry for bumping into you Jace that was my fault" Icky said. "Why don't we clean the slate between us over a little brunch? he asked. "Fine..but just to make the situation clear Jace....it's only brunch and not a date" I said
"Okay..that's good with me." he said; Jace and I walked to this diner that was three blocks up. "Never heard of this place before," I said taking a seat in a booth; "I worked in here as a kid, plus the food here rocks." Jace said. While looking through the menus Icky asked; "Can I ask you something Jace?" she said. "Sure, what's up?" he said with a raised eyebrow; "How old were you exactly when you became--?" She hesistated on the last part and swallowed it down but he answered anyways. "Exactly 7 years old Icky, I was a baby back then. Terrified and sad; wondering when my next meal was coming from, and then this lady comes and takes me to this homeless shelter. Never again did I ever go hungry or without a home." Jace remarked; "Now I've got a question for you" he said; "What?" Icky asked, "You said you were having problems with your boyfriend...how serious?" he said.
Icky set her menu down and looked out the window sighing loudly. "Ah I see it's a touchy subject for you. I'll drop it" Jace said going back to look through his menu. The waiter came by and took their orders; Jace got a cheeseburger and Icky got chilli cheese fries, Icky's phone was blowing up with Ares number calling her and leaving voicemails so she just finally put it on vibrate. Jace and Icky seemed to be getting along nicely as they talked over brunch and it took Icky's mind off of last night completely.
"Thanks for the brunch it was a sweet gesture." Icky said; "Well, time for me to move on" "Where are you gonna go Icky?" Jace said. "Probably my sister's; I've been meaning to patch things up between us." Icky commented. "Well if you ever want to hook up again let me know" Jace asked. "How?" Icky asked; "Here's my twitter and number" Jace said as he'd written it all down on a napkin. "Sure thing..and by the way thanks again for the brunch date"
"I thought you said it wasn't a date" Jace laughed; she stopped and turned her head, smiling. "I changed my mind" Icky said.
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Next post: Ares' Art Gallery Opening Crashes with disasterous results
Icky
So a week has passed and Ares has been true to his word; no pills or alcohol at all. Well of course there were a few times at night where he'd wake up in a cold sweat and all but he's staying strong for me and for himself. At first I thought he wouldn't be able to do it, but I'm glad for him; in fact I quit drinking and pill popping just last week and have been three days clean. Me myself I am slightly struggling with the cold turkey therapy, but if Ares can do it then so will I. One morning I woke up and Ares was nowhere to be found, I figured that he must be downstairs working on the last bit of his painting but actually he was nowhere in the apartment. Suddenly I found myself to be bored so I figured today was the best day to get out and do something; I quickly showered and dried and lotioned. I wore my ripped jeans, black army boots and my bandana top; to top my outfit off was my black shades. I locked up the house and wandered around the town for a little bit; I had no idea where I was going or what my intent was but all I knew was that something was waiting for me....or someone.
Passing by a window I see this picture of this male model with a sign underneath that says:
"CK MODEL JACE MEET N' GREET TODAY, 3:00 P.M."
I look at my watch and it's 2:46 P.M. "Eh, what the hell?" I said to myself and went inside the store; a huge line of girls waited holding pictures and posters of the same guy next to a table of where the assumed model would be sitting. "Excuse me are you here for the signing?" a guy with broad shoulders asked. "I guess" I said peeking over my shades; the guy hands me a picture of Jace and tells me to wait in line with the other ladies. "So..who's this Jace guy?" I asked; a fan turned to me answering "Oh My God he's like the hottest model that's out now!" she said in a frantic/excited mood. "And he's so sensitive and caring, did you know that he donated half a million to this homeless shelter that he once stayed at?" Another girl answered. Hmm, so the guy's a saint; he's get a thumbs up for that one, I looked down at the picture once more and it's the same one that I saw in the window. "So how come he's doing a meet n' greet?" I asked the young lady in front of me; "Didn't you hear? Calvin Klein's looking for a new model for his big 'Grey Midnight' commercial? It's not just a meet n' greet but a competition as well." "Oh, well I just found out about the guy today so forgive me if I don't seem excited--" I was cut off by the sounds of screaming in the front of the line causing a domino effect, by now everyone was screaming and pushing; both in the back and front.
"Ladies...calm down. It gives me great pleasure to introduce this young man who's about to come out here and sign some pictures and autographs. T.O. I bring to you..Jace!" the store manager said; Jace came out through the side door waving and smiling at everyone he passed. Cameras were flashing and the screams were getting louder; loud enough to cause some ringing in my ears. The line began moving slowly but surely as each girl got either a picture, poster or an autograph; the girl in front of me was shaking like a leaf on a tree and when it came time for her turn she bawled her eyes out...she even threw her panties at the dude (rolls eyes). Jace had this bewildered look on his face but kept smiling and slightly laughed before she ran out of the store, and then it was my turn. I slid my picture over to him and waited for it to be signed; Jace and I made eye connection..instantly he smiled at me. It wasn't just a normal smile, the smile that he gave me was sexy and cute at the same time; the way that his soft pink lips curved made goosebumps pop up on my skin. "Here you...what's your name?" "My name's Icky..and you're Jace" "(Laughs) Yeah that's my name..but Icky that's a cool name" "It's MY name" I said. "(Laughs) you're not like most girls are you?" he asked. "Call me one in a million..chao" I winked at him before grabbing my signed picture and threw my shades back on.
I knew that he had to be watching me walk out the door so I sashayed my hips; when I looked back he was in a daze with his mouth still in that curved smile. Hey, there's no harm in me being a little flirtatious right? lol. My stomach grumbled loud at me; the time was now a quarter to 4 so I headed over to my favorite sub shop, Po' Boys.
Po' Boys was ran by an Italian by the name of Sal and I was his regular customer; "Icky, my favorite bella note!" he said from the counter as I walked in. "Hey Sal, I'll take the usual, meatball sub sandwich with marinara and mozzerella cheese" "Ah, I'll make you something better..only for you" Sal went into the kitchen to cook something up for Icky; while she's waiting she gets a call from Ares and when she answers his voice is low and shaky. "Babe are you okay?" she asks; "Get home..I need you" and the line went dead. A cold feeling ran through Icky's veins and the worst assumptions came to mind; once Sal was done with her food and had it wrapped up Icky paid and rushed home as fast as she could.
Bursting through the door Icky came home to the apartment to see Ares sprawled out on the floor severely shaking. Icky cradled Ares in her arms when she noticed the bottles of pills in his hand; "Ares did you take these just now?" she asked. "I needed them...it was only one time Icky I swear" Icky then helped Ares to the couch where he could lay down when he saw the picture of Jace hanging in her bag. "What is this?" Ares said snatching the picture; "I went to an autograph signing, some model was there signing them so he signed it for me" Icky said taking her boots off. "Bloody bastard" he mumbled under his breath before he ripped the picture to shreds; "what are you going Ares?!" Icky asked.
"He can't take you away from me...never" Ares was now going off the walls talking crazy; "Ares please, you're being delusional. It was only a photo nothing else" Suddenly he snatched Icky by the throat and shoved her against the wall. "I love you Icky..why don't you see that?" he said. "Ares what are you talking about? Of course I love you..through thick and thin!" Icky said trying to scramble out of Ares' grip. He got up into her face and she could instantly smell the alcohol on his breath; "You love me? Well then I guess I have to do something for you." he said. Just then Ares threw Icky over his shoulder and threw her on the couch so she was laying on her stomach. "What are you going? Ares!" she screamed but he ignore the sounds of her screaming as Ares pulled out a tattoo gun filling it with black ink. "Ares...what are you gonna do with that tattoo gun?" Icky said with her eyes wide; With no answer Ares roughly pulled down Icky's jeans and began tattooing on her. She screamed in pain as the tattoo gun scraped her skin and when Ares was done he kissed the tattoo before getting off of Icky. "You're mine Icky...don't ever forget that...I love you." he said coldly and he went upstairs; Icky gripped the sofa arm tight as hot tears drenched her face. Looking down at the floor was the ripped pieces of the picture Jace had signed, his face barely made out. Once she was done with her tears Icky went to look in the mirror to see what kind of tattoo had Ares done to her; almost by her hip was the word "MINE" tattoed in all big letters.
"So it has come to this..I've been marked...literately for the rest of my life." Well you've got two choices now Icky...you can leave while you still got the chance...or you can stay with Ares and wait 'til he does something even worse to you. This is the biggest choice I'll have to make...but tonight I just want to cry myself to sleep. Icky didn't even go upstairs to the bedroom so Icky crashed on the couch where she had to sleep on her stomach.
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Next post, Icky makes her ultimatum, Icky and Jace have a second encounter and Ares' Art Gallery Opening has a major downfall
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Continued
I hugged the sheets tight against me as he rolled off to his side of the bed, sweaty and out of breath; before I knew it he was sound asleep. My eyes rose to the alarm clock near the bed and it was almost noon; Getting out of bed I slid my underwear and shirt back on and went downstairs to the living room and turned on the T.V. to some cartoons. A couple of minutes later the phone rings; the caller i.d. said "Shannon" and I picked up on the fourth ring. "Hello?" "Icky it's me, am I interrupting something?" she asked; "No, actually I'm not doing anything at the moment why what's up?" I said. "Nothing..it's just that..(sighs) I guess there's no sense in me beating around the bush Icky but I'm kinda worried about you." She said in a sympathethic tone; "I'm fine, why should you be worried about me?" I asked masking the growing pain in my throat. "....Is Ares around?" Shannon asked; "He's upstairs asleep..why?" Shannon hesistated on the other end but I cut her off before she could get a response out. "If this is about me Ares' relationship we're fine..we just, have some screws to tighten up" I said reassuring myself more than Shannon. "You've been saying that for a while now Icky, I'm not even gonna react or respond to it because you know what I'll say" Shannon said. She was right; I'd said that line so many times now that it has become my catch phrase. Fiddling with the couch pillows I answered in a low voice, "yes i know." "You know I'm always here for you sis, me and mom" Shannon said; "Yeah, except you have the red carpet laid out for you when it comes to mom, I'm just the reject child" I said flicking the channel to a different station.
"Icky you can't let mom dictate you like this forever..it's not like you" I could feel the hot tears brimming at my eyes; I didn't want to have this conversation so I switched the subject. "Are you coming to Ares' Art Gallery opening this Saturday?" " Yeah;Might have to leave early though, I have a late dinner date with Garthia Anderson. I've been dying to meet up with her" Shannon said excitedly over the phone. "Yeah, you always did dream big" I slightly smiled; "So did you Icky. You had bigger dreams than me and then Ares...." the smile was soon wiped off my face; Shannon didn't even finish her last thought and then there was pure silence over the phone. "You know what? Let's drop what I said" Shannon remarked "Lets. I have to go now" "Now? We barely get to talk..would it kill you to have another 30 minute talk with me?" Shannon said. Before I could answer Ares was coming down the stairs half dressed; Lowly I spoke, "Ares woke up." Another pause before Shannon answered, "I understand. Call me, bye" "Bye" and I hung up the phone.
"Who was that babe?" Ares asked now putting on his white shirt; "Oh nothing." I said lying. "Sounded more like something, was it Shannon?" he asked plopping on the couch next to me. "Yeah, she just wanted to know what time will the Art Gallery start on Saturday that's all and then we got into some other stuff nothing big" I said scratching my eyebrow. "Oh babe I can't for you to see my biggest artpiece; I've been working on it for a month now..you gave me the inspiration." he said giving me a full passionate kiss. I smiled to the best of my ability but inside I felt like crying my eyes out; Last night and Shannon's phone call really had me depressed to a degree. "Icky what's wrong you seem upset about something" Ares asked; The words clogged in my throat and I was prepared to let it all out. "I can't do this anymore." I said in a low voice; "What?" he asked, "I said I can't do this anymore Ares...the drinking, the drugs, the pretending that we didn't say and do hurtful things and the pity make-up sex" I said now letting it out. "So that's what's been bothering you?" Ares asked; "I've felt like this for a while now Ares, it's like being in a g**damn soap opera." Ares leaned back against the sofa cushions deep in thought, "Okay..we'll change...I'LL change for you" Ares said grabbing my face with both his hands. "You mean it?" I said; "Yep..no more drinking..drugs, I'll even go to rehab to fix this mess of a relationship. I'ma stay 100% focused on my artwork and get us out this hellhole...all for you Icky" he said deeply gazing into my eyes. In my head my mind kept thinking, "What a beautiful lie he just told me" but my heart said, "He's truthful, you shouldn't doubt him" and like always I listened to my heart.
"Okay" I said; Ares wiped my tear stained cheeks and kissed my lips then went into the kitchen and dumped out the pills and threw out the Heineken case. "Starting today Icky..I'm going cold-turkey" Ares said with a smile, "So will I" Icky said.
(Author's Note: Just to clear some confusion, Ares abuses drugs and alcohol more than Icky does. Icky abuses drugs and alcohol because of depression and Ares abuses drugs and alcohol for two reasons; one he is a struggling artist and two it helps him combat the feeling of loss.)
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Next post is Ares' downfall, the ugly dispute between him and Icky and Icky making an ultimatum
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New Run later on tonight
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