The number of girls increased as the car inched closer to the hotel. It went from a few scattered to tens and tens of girls grouping around the entrance. I don’t know when I’ll ever get used to this. My phone buzzed on my lap as I observed the scene.
"Hey babe, how close are you? The suspense is killing me and the lobby is beginning to overcrowd."
The driver turned around to face me and put on a smile. “We’re here Ms. Hudson.”
"I’m right outside."
I texted back as I gathered my belongings. My phone buzzed as soon as I locked it.
"Oh, I see you. Stay in the car, I don’t want you surrounded. I’ll be out there with Big Pat in a second"
I sat there and watched the man pull my bags out from the trunk. First the big black one that had pink seams around it then the smaller suitcase that was pink with black seams around it. I’ve learned that when you travel with your boyfriend, you’ve got to bring a lot of your possessions. Why? Because you’re always in the spotlight.
There was an outburst of screams and yelling. It was muffled from inside the car but I could only assume who it was. I looked and only saw the top of my brown haired boyfriend from behind Big Pat who was approaching the car. He knocked and I opened the door to signal that I was decent to come out. When I got out, a few flashes of light aimed in my direction went off. Big Pat was telling a girl who looked like she had tried to go at Chris to stay back. His attention was back to me.
“Hello, Emma. Nice to see you again.” Big Pat smiled and I laughed.
“Stop treating me like I’m the celebrity, you goof.” I teased. Big Pat was like the dad I’ve always wanted. He was fun and not too hard on me, but he was protective of me more like a daughter than a girlfriend of the pop singer he guards.
I heard some screaming towards me. Things that I always heard; “Hi, Emma!” “You look pretty Emma!” “I love your shoes/shirt/hair/etc Emma!” I waved and smiled quickly at all of the fans. Another thing I’ve learned from being Chris Brown's girlfriend is to be nice to everyone, not that I wouldn’t be normally. But the nicer you are, the less death threats you receive. However, I knew from the start of this relationship, I would be taking on way more hate from the fans. I didn’t understand why, and I don’t think I ever will.
I looked around quickly to see where Chris had gone. Suddenly he came up to from my right. He handed Big Pat my two bags then looked down at me.
“Hey babe.” He smiled, his bright white teeth completely showing. I couldn’t help but smile back, his smile was contagious. There was a bit of a height difference between Chris and I. He rose a good six inches above me and he always made fun of me for it.
Chris took my hand in his, intertwining our fingers. He leaned down, giving me a quick peck on the lips. Big Pat hated when he did that because it caused some anger in a few fans.
“Chris, not here.” Big Pat pushed me and Chris to walk into the hotel. We walked and I kept my head down a bit to keep the attention on Chris. One of the things I hate being called is an attention seeker. I try to bring everything back to Chris. It’s better and safer that way. I could feel Chris’s body shaking from waving with his other hand. Then we were finally in the hotel where I thought things would be quite.
There were more girls sitting around in the lobby with their cameras and phones aimed at us. Big Pat walked where most of the girls were located so we could have more privacy. He always complained about how the girls got annoying hanging around the lobby waiting. I really don’t mind unless they come charging at us. Then it becomes a problem. When we got to the elevators, Chris pressed the button then pulled me in for a tight hug.
“I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you so much.” He kissed the top of my head and we stood there for a minute in each other’s hold. The elevator farthest to the right opened and we walked towards it where two teenage girls rushed out. They stopped as soon as they saw Chris and started smiling.
“Hi Chris! Oh my gosh! I love you guys so much!” One of the girls said.
He smiled at them and then pulled me into the elevator. Big Pat followed us in. Then we went through the elevator routine. Press the floor number right under our floor, get off, find the stairs, and walk up one flight. We can never be sure if anyone follows us. It’s happened once before when I was with them. The girl had happened to get off on the same floor as the boys and they had to move to a completely different hotel after.
We walked up to the real floor and let Big Pat lead me to my room. I had to finish up a few class days that went on longer. I found it lucky that I got a room all to myself because for one, I had an excuse to cuddle up with Chris and “accidently” fall asleep and for two, the bathroom was mine 24/7.
“Woah, this is giant.” I said as I walked into the room with an abnormally tall ceiling. “It’s nice.” I threw my stuff on the bed and walked around. “And we get balconies!”
“Alright, I’ll let you two have some privacy.” Big Pat set down my bags next to the TV stand and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
I walked over to the door to the balcony and peered through the sheer curtains.
“There are girls across the street in the other hotel looking out of their windows. s***, how do they find you so fast?” I asked Chris who was watching me with a smirk on his face. He walked over to me and pulled me out of sight from the window. Pulling me close again, he started kissing me. This time the kisses were much longer and much warmer. His kisses were one of the reasons I hated leaving. They were the things I missed so much when I went back home.
His hands trailed from my back down to my bum. They rested there now, where they usually were. My hands were placed on his chest, where I could easily push him off or pull him close. The last long kiss ended with a bottom lip bite from him, then he started giving me shorter kisses where I knew it would end soon. When it did, I found him smiling.
“How was your flight?” He whispered.
“Long. Boring. The usual.” I stole one last kiss from him before there was a knock on my door. “I knew that was going to happen.” I walked over to the door and playfully asked who it was.
“Em! It’s Brittany and Erica! Open up!” I heard Erica’s voice then looked back to Chris who looked a bit disappointed at the little privacy that we got. I opened the door revealing the two beautiful girls standing there. They towered over me just like everyone else.
“You look so great! I haven’t seen you in ages! How have you been?” Erica stood there complimenting me when she was the one who looked fantastic. I had always been jealous of her.
“Yeah, we keep saying we’re all going to get together but it never happens.” Brittany points out, looking quite fantastic herself.
“I’ve been at school and really busy, but no more now! We can finally sit down for that coffee we haven’t had. How have you guys been though, you both look great by the way.” I said, directing the attention towards them.
“Ugh, girl talk. I’m gonna go see what’s up with Big Pat. Be back in a few, when all this is done.” Chris says circling his hands around us. I rolled my eyes at him and walked into the room with Erica and Brittany following. They checked out the room like they had seen it for the first time.
“Chris hasn’t shut up about you for the past two days. It’s been a drag for everyone.” Erica says sitting on my bed.
“Really now? He didn’t act like it.” I said, with interest.
“Well, you know how he is. He pretends to be the calmed one.” Brittany laughed.
“Anyway, we’ve planned to go out tonight to celebrate the arrival of the last planned visitor and the start of the tour. We reserved a whole room at this fancy restaurant about ten blocks away. It should be fun.” Erica said, raising an eyebrow.
“Ugh, so I have to wear something formal on my first day here? You guys are killing me.” I walked into the bathroom to observe my appearance; messy hair, tired eyes, and casual clothes.
“Sorry, babe. I guess we didn’t really think about that.” Brittany said, sincerely.
“It’s all right.” I paused. “I guess I’ll take a quick shower then.” I said, pushing for them to leave so I could have some time to freshen up.
“Alright! We’ll be back in about forty-five minutes. To collect you. Wear that flowy beige top we picked out last time.” Erica said while walking out. “If you brought it!” Brittany shut the door knowing that I wanted the privacy. It had been such a long day that I almost debated taking a nap or not. Knowing me, I wouldn’t wake up until the morning.
I quickly undressed and hopped in the shower looking forward for the first night back with the boy before he starts the U.S. tour.
Comentarios
Run it
I licked my lips, slowly, watching Chris going on stage for the concert. He was dressed in his first outfit for the show and admiring himself in the mirror.
“What ya lookin’ at?” Chris said to me through the mirror. I snapped out of my daze and smiled at him.
“Just watching.” I replied. He smirked back to me then returned to looking at himself. I walked to the clothes rack and flipped through all the outfits. This was my second show and my first time being in the dressing room. As I got to the last outfit on the rod, Chris’s hands made their way onto my waist.
“That’s my favorite.” He whispered in my ear, sending numerous goosebumps rising on my skin.
“Me too. There’s something about dressy attire on you that really,” I paused, “turns me on.” I finished and listened to Chris snicker quietly. “What? Why is that funny?”
“It’s not, it’s cute.” He kissed my nose and instinctively squinted my eyes.
“Chris! 15 minutes ‘til showtime! Better finish up in there!” Ben pounded on the door. Everyone knew we were both in here and if they didn’t Ben just made it very apparent to them.
“I’ll be out in a minute!” Chris yelled back. I felt the blood in my cheeks turn red hot. Chris winked down at me and rubbed at the inch of skin that wasn’t covered by my shirt around my hips. I pulled his hand off and walked to the door.
“Come on. It’s show time.” I said, attempting to be serious. Chris laughed. I almost forgot that I had to meet up with Erica and Andy because we were sitting together. “Oh, crap! I gotta go catch up with Erica!” I said out loud. Walking back over to Chris, I gave him a quick kiss. “Good luck tonight!” Chris smiled back then went over to his phone while I headed out.
As soon as I opened the door, someone crashed right into my side almost knocking me to the floor. “Watch it!” I yelled then looked up to find Tyler with a worried look on his face. I wanted to feel sorry for him, but I didn’t know why. He didn’t deserve my sympathy.
“Sorry.” He said quietly. After, he quickly walked down the hall and disappeared. That was strange, he was strange. How did he just change from being furious to being regretful. Whatever it was, it had trouble written all over it and I wasn’t going to get myself in more of that. Chris opened the door, surprised to still see me.
“I thought you were going to catch up with Erica?” He asked, curiously.
“I am.” I said. I realized I sounded a bit suspicious so I walked off avoiding further conversation with him.
7:56 PM
I gazed around the packed arena, hoping that Erica, Andy, and I would remain unnoticed throughout the whole show. I knew the entire fan base still had it out for me and I was taking a huge risk by being there.
I caught myself thinking about Tyler again when I heard my name being screamed from a distance. Almost turning around to find the face that matched, I kept looking forward to the stage, ignoring it because I didn’t want to be b****ed at or called names.
At first a few stabs at me were taken from the same direction. Again, I chose to ignore it. Then, it caught on and sections from every direction, turned to face us. Some groups were chanting rude things, others were just shouting their own cruel words. I kept looking forward and I tried to stay strong. It was only a matter of seconds until the show would start and end it. It felt like so much longer though.
Soon enough it felt as if the whole arena had erupted into a booing and thrashing fest towards me. I barely noticed the tears falling down my face. I barely noticed Erica taking hold of me and covering my ears. Both Andy and Erica had sheltered me from anyone’s view. They let me cry and we kept to ourselves ignoring the harsh words and sounds. Soon enough Chris would run out and the girls would forget all about me, but I wouldn’t ever forget about them.
But Chris didn’t run out and the hate didn’t stop. The music that was background noise to the girls’ screaming came to a sudden stop and a loud high-toned screeching of a microphone erupted the speakers.
“Chris, no!” Came out of the arena’s sound system. Whoever it was yelling at Chris was too late. Chris stormed onto stage, shaking off someone attempting to pull him back. The arena screamed with excitement and a bit of confusion. Some girls caught on and began hushing.
“Seriously?” Chris started. I watched him through my tears. “You have got to be kidding me! You guys come here to watch me perform and support me and that’s really appreciated, but what I don’t get is that you are so incredibly rude and disgusting towards the one’s that I care about! I don’t get it? I love performing for you guys, I really do but I can’t stand the fact that I’m performing for the same people who can hate on someone I really love. You can hate me all you want, but you have no right to hate on someone who has done nothing.” He paused and his voice got a little shaky. Even though I had done something wrong, this proved to me that he was invested in making our relationship last. “Emma came here just like all of you, to watch me and support me so why don’t you give her a little respect because she’s much more of a decent person than any of you people will ever be.” No one had come onto the stage to gather Chris because everyone knew this needed to be said. I wanted to leave but that would just prove that they had an influence on me. “If I hear anymore nasty comments or booing directed towards her, I will not hesitate to bring the show to an abrupt stop and leave.” Chris walked off on that final note.
The booing stopped and the arena was silent for a moment then continued to be loud with conversation. A minute later my phone rang in my pocket.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey, babe. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get angry in front of everyone and I’m sure you didn’t want that but I’m just so sick of it.” Chris apologized through the phone.
“No, don’t worry about it. Thanks, though.” I said, my voice trembled a bit.
“If you don’t want to be out there anymore, you can come backstage, babe. That’s no problem.” He replied.
“And that just proves that I’m too cowardly and vulnerable.” I snapped.
“Ok, but if any time you don’t feel safe down there, don’t be stupid and stay down there ok?” He asked, waiting for my reply.
“I’ll be fine, babe. Just get out here and do your think. I love you and have fun.” I hung up and wiped the wetness off my cheeks. I adjusted myself to my new seat in between Andy and Erica. I was significantly shorter than both so I can accurately say I was hidden from sight.
A few minutes later, the countdown started and Chris came on. I enjoyed the show as much as I did the first time, even though I still received a few dirty looks here and there.
12:03 AM
“Night, Erica. Thanks, again, for tonight.” I smiled at Erica as she and Ben made their way into their room. Chris’s hand, which was interlocked with mine, pulled me towards ours. When I made eye contact with him, I noticed them fill with compassion and lust at the same time.
When inside our room. Chris wasted no time and placed his arms around my back pulling me in. Just before kissing me, I stopped him.
“I’m really sorry for all this. This is not what I wanted for you.” I said. Chris started at me for a while. I waited for his response and after a good amount of time I began to speak again but was interrupted by Chris’s lips being pressed onto mine.
I felt mine pressing back onto his. His lips softer than ever, I absorbed the warmth and comfort they provided. His hands felt their way up to the zipper on the back of my shirt and undid it. I slipped my hands through the straps letting Chris throw my shirt to the ground. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his torso, our lips still in contact with each other’s.
He walked his way over to the bed then threw me down on it. I giggled and he stripped off his shirt while I laid there watching. I bit my lip at the sight then crawled backwards towards the pillows and Chris joined me. He smiled as I covered my chest. After playing the staring contest, Chris placed his hand on my cheek and pulled my face to his where we shared a long, passionate kiss. Then, Chris’s hand slid under my back. Lifting me up, Chris struggled to unhook my bra. I laughed as he finally did. I fought to keep it on because I was so self-conscious about my body that I was always embarrassed when it came down to things like this.
Chris tricked me into distraction by kissing me deeply. He quickly slipped it out from under my hands and continued to kiss me. My feelings were written clearly on my face as were Chris’s. My shaky lips were soothed by his firm one’s making their way further down my body. The anticipation killed me yet excited me. I felt so unprepared for what was about to happen and that made me more comfortable than ever. So I did. I let it happen and that’s what I needed most. I watched as our bodies got close. I’d never been in this position before but I was ready and he was too. Neither of us were hesitant to make that next step…so we did.
Im so happy she told Chris, it was the best thing to do. No matter the consequences.
I wanna know why Chris punched Tyler in his stomach and not his face! Ughhh! He deserved it!
I love the way they are do affectionate towards each other and im glad that she doesn't feel that way for Tyler anymore. Well at least she hasn't expressed it.....
wait are they about to 'do the do?' or did it happen already? Tyler's a b.a.n. (b*tch ass n*gga) you got the nerve to call somebody all those things and act like they ain't gonna do nothing. That must've been one hell of a punch if his stomach still hurts from last night
Run iT! <3
Entry 14
I swung the door open so hard that it slammed against the wall behind it. I desperately wanted to check to see if I created any detriment but it would ruin the angry effect. Chris jumped twenty feet in the air then looked to see me standing there with my arms folded across my chest. There was no way I was going to have a repeat of what just happened, I was going to tell Chris about the kiss no matter the damage that’ll follow.
“Hey! What happened?!” Chris asked, nervously walking towards me.
“Tyler. Tyler happened.” I started, watching Chris’s expression. It was still confused and a bit worried.
“What did he do now?” Chris was quite unaware of what had just happened and I was really contemplating on if I should tell him.
“He kissed me again. Big Pat didn’t even want to see me, it was Tyler. He pulled me into the ice machine room and basically locked me in there and he said he wanted to talk but I told him no and, and—” I was running out of breath from talking so fast. “And I told him to leave me alone, then he kissed me.” It felt so good to tell him and not keep it to myself. Chris became angry, his face hardened, his fists tightened, and his gaze became locked. “Babe?” Before I could stop him, he was out of the room and bolting down the hallway. I didn’t know what he was going to do but I knew it wouldn’t end well, so I chased him down the hallway yelling at him to calm down and come back to the room with me.
“Babe, please! Look I know you’re mad but please, I’m begging you just come back with me and cool off!” I didn’t care that I was being loud, I didn’t want Chris to do something he would regret later, but I was too late. We got to Ben and Tyler’s room and Chris knocked loudly. When I caught up to him, I slipped in between him and the door and tried to get his attention. “Just think about what you’re doing right now, Chris. Please, don’t do this.” I failed at catching his attention and bringing him back down to a normal angry level. The door opened and Tyler stood there with an exhausted look. Not as if he were tired but as if he were annoyed by our presence. Chris stepped closer and I put my hand up on his chest, attempting to keep him back.
“What the f*** is wrong with you? You just can’t keep your hands off what isn’t yours, can you?” He glared at Tyler who couldn’t even look him in the eye. “Why can’t you look at me?” Chris reached over me and shoved Tyler.
“Chris!” I pushed my hands harder on his chest, but it was useless. I tried to look around Tyler, for Ben, but I couldn’t see him.
“Have nothing to say for yourself, huh? You never do. I don’t know why anyone ever feels sorry for you.” Chris kept talking at Tyler. I wanted it to stop. I know I did the right thing of telling him, but I didn’t want this to happen.
“Chris, just stop. You need to back off right now.” I didn’t want to seem like I was defending Tyler, but I didn’t want him to hurt him either.
“No, no. Let him continue. What else you got to say, big man?” Tyler straightened up, like he was challenging him. Chris stood up straighter, as well, and towered over both me and Tyler. “Please, go ahead.”
“How about stay away from Emma. Stop trying to take what’s mine.” Chris threatened.
“I wouldn’t try if she didn’t lead me on. You think I’d kiss her if she didn’t make it clear that she wanted it too? Didn’t think about that, did you?” Tyler looked at me, then back at Chris. I wanted to defend myself, but he kept going. “You can’t stand the idea of someone you’re interested in, might actually see something in me too. You’re self-absorbed, oblivious, and ignorant, and you’ve got a girlfriend to match you.” Before I could even be offended by him, Chris had pushed me out of the way and got in Tyler’s face.
“You can bash me all you want, but you’re in no place to bash her.” I should have gone back over to pull Chris back, but his punch hit harder and faster than I expected. I covered my mouth and watched Tyler fall to the floor, clenching his stomach and trying to catch his breath. Chris walked over to me, grabbed my hand, and dragged me out of their room. I looked back to see Tyler struggling for breath. He looked up and, for the first time, gave me a dirty look. I should have been the one who punched him. For one, it would have hurt less, and for two, I had more reasons to do it.
“He practically called you easy, you realize that? He thinks it’s ok to talk to you…to anyone, like that. I don’t care if you’re mad at me for that, he deserved it.” Chris paced back and forth in our room, dragging his left foot inward. He bit his thumb, thinking about who knows what. I slowly walked over to the bed and sat down. I didn’t really know what to say or think; I was just sick of all this drama. This was something I didn’t sign up for when I said I’d come.
This was the exact thing that I came to avoid, and here it was, at my doorstep. No, already in my house, making a mess and causing chaos. I kicked off my shoes, folded my legs, and continued to watch Chris pace. After a solid ten minutes of this, I got up and stopped him in his place. I didn’t bother saying anything because there was nothing I could say. I brought him over to the bed and sat him down, then stood in between his knees. His hands instinctively fell to my waist and rested there as I brought mine up to his face. I rubbed my thumb slightly and softly, physically telling him that everything was going to be okay.
He finally looked into my eyes with the grieving look he sported. “Everything is going to be alright, babe.” I gave him a soft kiss and felt the tension in his face become relaxed. He began to kiss back. We kissed and kissed and ended up falling asleep, taking a little nap, before we had to get ready to head to the venue.
5:10 PM -
When Chris and I got back down to the lobby to leave for the venue, we spotted only Dylan and Erica down there. I immediately walked at Erica who was staring off into space. When I approached her, I admired her outfit as she did mine. I let out a quick sigh of relief when I saw that she had dressed just as casual as I had. There’s always something comforting when someone else does something the same as you, when you’re not sure of your decision.
I always admired Dylan's and Erica’s gracefulness and how they always managed to stay out of drama. It’s almost as if Chris and I just have signs above our heads and we carry around magnets for this kind of stuff. I was just so over it all. One by one, each one of the boys came down. Last was Tyler, who was holding a bag of ice to his stomach. I had glanced at Chris who was now wearing the same glare as before whence confronting him. I walked over to him and wrapped my arm around his, rubbing it to comfort him.
“Breathe, babe.” I whispered. Just as Tyler reached the group, Big Pat had begun talking.
“We’re going to send Chris with Tyler straight to venue for sound check and prep. There’s no meet and greet for tonight, hence us leaving so late. Andy, Erica, and Emma, you guys will pick up the food so you don’t have to stick around for the boring stuff. Let’s go.” He finished up and we all walked outside. Big Pat was directing Chris and Tyler to the black van.
“You can choose to ignore him, you know? If it comes down to it, be the better person and only say what you need to say, ok babe?” I watched and commanded Chris like he was my son that I was giving advice to. While I was in mom-mode I added, “Behave yourself.”
He smirked at me and leaned down to give me a quick kiss. We parted, him going into the van and me getting into the black Sudan with Erica. I felt like no matter what I said, something was going to go down. It was just something that was meant to happen whether I could control it or not. This time I just hoped people would be around to stop it.
“What’s got you all erked?” I heard Erica say from the seat beside me. I was bound to tell her everything because she was the person I trusted most and confided in all the time.
“Should I start from when we got off the bus or skip to when Chris punched Tyler?” I asked. Her expression became worried as I started the story. She was really in for it this time.
6:21 PM -
“We come bearing food.” I said, stepping into the quiet room. I looked at everyone. Ben and Dylan were quietly joking off in one corner of the room, while Tyler was peering out of the windows into the arena, and Chris sat on the couch playing with his phone. As soon as he saw me, he jumped up and helped me with the bags of Subway sandwiches that we brought back.
“Gotta love Subway.” Chris said, smiling and taking two bags from me. He bent down and kissed me on the cheek. “Thanks, babe.” When we found our sandwiches, Chris sat on the couch and offered his lap as a seat for me. “I’m just trying to create room for everyone.” He winked and I laughed, but gladly joined him.
When we finished eating, Chris grabbed my hand and we left the room. He took me down the hall to the staircase, then into another hall a floor down. We got to a door that read “Chris’s Dressing Room.” Chris looked down at me and smiled. We walked in and as soon as the door shut, Chris had picked me up and set me on the counter, with my back facing the mirror.
His hands were touching every inch of my body and I soon found mine all over his too. We made out while pressing our bodies closer together. Soon, his shirt was off and I was giggling at the chiseled body in front of me. It seemed so unreal but I had loved that it was indeed real, and it was all mine. I slowly traced his every line, raising the goosebumps on his skin.
He admired me while I was doing so. Everything I had wanted on this trip was happening right now and it was perfect. My boyfriend wasn’t ignoring me, even on concert nights, because he wanted our relationship to work just as much as I did. I grabbed one of his belt loops and pulled him in. I ran my hands up his torso, feeling his muscles one-by-one once more, then wrapped my arms around his neck. I gave him a lingering soft kiss then looked into his deep brown eyes.
“I love you, Chris, and I don’t ever want this moment to end.” I said, in all seriousness. Chris slowly slid the stranded piece of hair in my face and placed it behind my ear.
“I love you too, Emma, and we don’t have to let this moment end.” He smiled and we continued. Gracefully feeling each other, moving with the other, and feeling exactly what the other felt. It was indescribable how much I felt towards him and I couldn’t help to think that he was really the only one for me. No matter how cheesy it sounded.
That's what I'm talkin about Emma!
Let that nigga know!
Run it
Entry 13
“You don’t understand! I’m ruining everything for him. Being here is just…it’s too much for me, you know? I really need to come home!” I cried into Chris’s phone. He left his in the bus and since mine was ruined, I only had his to use. When I got like this, I stuttered and I struggled to find words. I had been a mess for almost 24-hours and it was getting old. My friend Cara was on the line, letting me vent to her. “There’s just so much pressure to be Chris’s perfect little girlfriend that I’m just…I’m so overwhelmed by it all. One day they love you and the next they want to kill you. I just—I don’t know what else to do, Cara. I’ve tried so hard!” I exclaimed.
“Emma, first, you need to calm down. Seriously, take a few deep breaths, ok? I hate hearing you so upset, so just breathe.” She commanded and I obeyed. I closed my eyes and took in all the air I could several times. The tears calmed along with my voice. “You good?” She asked.
“Mhmm.” I responded shortly.
“I think that you’re just really submerged in the idea that you need to be perfect for everyone. What you really need to do is focus on you and Chris. Stop fretting over what his fans think and just…do you and don’t forget to breathe along the way. Ok?” Her advice struck me. She was right but it’s a lot easier said than done. “Just give everyone a few days to cool off, stay out of the spotlight, and everything will fall back into place. Don’t come rushing home as soon as things get tough, Em. Show everyone that you’re there to stay, whether they like it or not.” She advised. That was why she was my best friend and the first person I called to talk to about anything; she knew how to make every problem seem much littler than it really was.
“You really think they’ll forget about it?” I asked curiously, because this seemed like something that no one would forget.
“Maybe not completely, but something else will come up and they will obsess over that. The faster you forget, the easier it will be to move on.” It’s funny how she knew how to get through to me more than my own mother. “I gotta go, but text me how everything goes, ok?” She finished.
“Ok. I miss you lots, bye!” I replied, still thinking about what to do and what she said.
“Miss you too! See ya!” I heard the phone click and the door to the bus open. I rushed into the tiny bathroom and locked the door. Looking back at myself in the mirror, I wiped off the black that blurred under my eyes. It’s a good thing I don’t wear eyeliner because that would have made my face way more unrecognizable at this point. I heard only one pair of feet move closer to the bathroom.
“Emma?” Chris knocked on the door once. After making myself look somewhat decent I opened the door to my boyfriend. He looked down at me and saw my face and his suddenly saddened. “I’m so sorry.” He pulled me into a really tight hug that surprised me but made me feel so much better.
“No, I’m sorry. This was my fault, I got myself into this, not you.” Which was completely true. Chris was apologizing for something that he didn’t even do.
“Well, it’s Tyler’s fault really.” He mumbled just loud enough for me to hear.
“Now that’s not fair!” I defended and as soon as I did I wanted to take it back.
“It’s true…and you know it is.” He said back.
“Chris, you can’t turn on your best friend like that. That’s just mean.” I continued, wishing I could just agree with Chris and move on. Once I got started talking, there was no way to stop.
“I can when he kisses my girlfriend.” Chris paused, got serious, then let me go. He walked towards the front of the bus. “I don’t know why you’re defending him, babe. He started all of this.” He looked up, simmering down from a potential argument that could have started. My shirt was still sticking to my skin and became quite uncomfortable. “Look at you. You’ve cried, you’ve been hurt, and you want to stick up for him when he caused this? I don’t understand.”
“I don’t want to pick sides! I don’t want to be against any of you. What I want is to be your girlfriend and be everyone else’s friend.” I started. “No, I didn’t know that Tyler was going to kiss me and I’m really mad that he did, but I’m not going to blame him for everything when I had an equal part in it!” This hurt Chris and I saw it in his eyes. “I just want everything to be like it was…before this stupid situation happened.” I calmed my voice and walked towards Chris. “Even if it means I have to go home for a while.” I looked at the floor, waiting for Chris’s response.
“I don’t want you to go.” Chris took a step closer and grasped my arm that was folded across my chest. “I want us to get through this like we always do. We can get past this.” He leaned down and got close to my face. “We’ve done it before and we can do it again. I’m not giving up on us, ok?” He placed his lips gently on mine and put his hand on my waist. I didn’t notice a tear fall from my eye until Chris was wiping it away with his thumb.
“Ok.” I whispered as we pulled away. I didn’t know what else to say, he really wanted to work this out and I wasn’t going to object. Two minutes later, the rest of the group walked onto the bus, talking and laughing. I’ve been caught up in so much drama that I realized I was missing out on all of the fun. I really missed being part of the group.
Erica walked up to Chris and I sitting on the couch. “You stole our spot.” She joked. I noticed her holding a Chipotle bag and a grocery bag.
“For the road?” I laughed, looking at the Chipotle bag.
“Actually, it’s for you since Chris forgot to order you one.” She gave Chris a dirty look. “And Ben and Dylan were nice enough to get you a bag of rice.”
“Rice?” I asked very confused.
“For your phone. You’ve never heard of that trick?” She asked back. Without further words, she took my phone out of my hands and took it apart. I got up and walked over to her. She stuck the phone under the sink and started rinsing it.
“What are you doing?!” I exclaimed, panicking. Was she trying to destroy my phone?
“Just wait.” She said, calmly. I watched as she patted my phone as dry as she could, then fill a bowl up with rice. One by one, she placed each part of my phone into the bowl; phone, battery, and SIM card. “Since, you just had the damage done, it should take a few hours up to a day for your phone to work again.” She paused. “You’re welcome.” She looked up and winked at me. It was one of those winks where you knew she knew everything was going to be okay. I smiled.
“Thanks, Erica. What would I do without you?” I asked rhetorically. I’d have to live without my phone for a while, which might not have been such a bad thing. Suddenly, I remembered what I was looking at before. Tyler had sent me a message and I didn’t get to see it due to the Coke shower. This was sure to bother me until I saw it.
I had to distract myself from the aching of wanting to try to turn my phone on, so I cuddled up to Chris and spent the rest of the drive, being lovey dovey to him. It was a lot more torturous than it sounded.
3:14 -
“We’ll be spending only one night here tonight, so don’t make a mess out of your rooms…Tyler.” Big Pat informed. Everyone laughed because we all knew how Tyler was with hotel rooms. “We have two hours, exactly, until we have to be on our way to the venue. Emma, Erica, are you two still coming tonight?” Big Pat asked us. Chris looked to me.
“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, babe. I’ll understand.” Chris noted.
“I’m still going.” I said back to Big Pat.
“Me too!” Erica said, smiling at me. I looked at Chris and shot him a smile too.
“I’m not giving up either.” I whispered and Big Pat continued to talk. He kissed my cheek. After Big Pat finished instructing, we got our suitcases from under the bus and rolled them inside, quickly passing and avoiding contact with fans crowded outside. We spent about five minutes waiting for the room keys, in the lobby. Once we had them, we made our way up to the rooms. When everybody started including me in the conversations again, I started feeling better. Cara was right, things were falling back into place.
“See you guys later.” I waved to Josh and Ben as they made their way into their room. Chris and I continued to walk down the hall where we looked for our room number. We ended up walking down another ten rooms down.
“Nice and secluded.” Chris winked. He unlocked the door and we walked in. We quickly called sides and put our suitcases down. I started unbuttoning my shirt when a pair of hands began to help me. After he pulled my shirt off, he pressed his lips to my shoulder creating goosebumps up and down my body.
“That tickles.” I giggled, but he continued to kiss up my neck. I turned around to face him and kiss him but a loud knock on the door interrupted it. “Who is it?” I yelled, scavenging through my suitcase for a clean shirt.
“It’s Dylan! Big Pat wants to see you!” Dylan yelled through the door.
“Tell him I’ll be out there in a minute!” I screamed back. I threw on a white v-neck and looked back at Chris. “It has to be about what happened today, but I’ll be only a few minutes ok?” I kissed Chris’s cheek and walked out and down the long hall. I looked around for Big Pat, but I couldn’t see him anywhere.
I was pulled into a small room with an ice machine. I turned around and my eyes widened.
“Tyler, you really think this is smart?” I got mad and started for the door.
“I’m ready to talk now.” He stated.
“Well, I’m done talking to you.” I said, angrily, remembering what he had put me through.
“That wasn’t really a question.” Tyler said almost threateningly. “Don’t act like our kiss was a mistake. I know you felt what I felt; the tingling and the slowed down time.” It brought back the night and the feelings. I stood there speechless. Waiting for him to be done, but I knew that he would never let this go.
“It was a mistake. I felt nothing. I don’t want to talk to you anymore, Tyler. Can’t you see what you’ve done? If you cared the least bit about me, you wouldn’t try to hurt me like this! I hate you so much for what has happened. Can’t you just leave me alone?” I felt the words come out of my mouth like knives, stabbing him. I needed him to understand that I couldn’t take part in whatever plans he had to ruin mine and Chris’s relationship. He stood there with his stupid innocent look, his stupid blonde hair, his stupid blue eyes, his stupid lips that tempted me way more than they should have.
I got close to him, as close as we were the other night and glared. “I’m done being vulnerable, Tyler. I’m so done.” I took a step and that’s when I was pulled back. He kissed me before I was able to blink. What the hell didn’t he get about being done? Before I had time to think, my hand had slapped his face so hard that it was already turning red. I wanted to apologize but that wasn’t my responsibility anymore. I stormed out of the room leaving him in there, hoping he got the message. On my way back to the room, the tingling sensation turned up again and I got dizzy, but I chose to ignore it just as I’m going to do with Tyler for as long as I can, no matter what my body wants.
run it run it run it
I think she should at least talk to Chris about going home and not just go up and disappear on him. Run it
Entry 12
“Tyler told me everything.” Chris spilled. That didn’t make me feel any better.
“Don’t listen to Tyler.” I defended. It made Chris confused and then I confused myself. “Wait…what exactly did he tell you?” I asked curiously.
“He told me about you helping him get a girlfriend. That you were helping with the twitcam last night and he got carried away by kissing you.” Chris struggled to say the words. “I’m not saying that I’m fine with that, because I’m not at all. I’m still really mad about it. The fact is I had to hear about it and see it plastered on the internet before hearing it from you. It makes me look really bad, it makes both of us look really bad.” He explained further.
“I know and I regret it all. I should have told you and I didn’t.” I let out.
“Yeah, you really should have.” He looked broken and I really wanted to fix it. “I don’t know what to do, Emma. I have no idea what to say. This is mostly Tyler’s fault, but you’re not the victim here either.” He finished. I didn’t know how to respond. What was I going to say? Oh yeah, I was going to pull away but it was already done so why stop? Truth is, I had some sort of feelings for Tyler too that I didn’t want him to stop? Chris looked at me waiting for my response.
“I should have stopped it, but it literally happened so fast that I didn’t even have time to process anything until it was done. I’m so mad and disgusted at myself for it.” I cried. “I’m truly sorry and I know you’re really upset, I would be too. To be honest, I’m surprised you’re even talking to me right now.” I said.
“I’m talking to you because I want this relationship to work and for that to happen we need to be honest with each other and talk to each other. If I’m not doing something right, I want you to tell me. If I’m not good enough for you, tell me. All I want is you Emma and when Tyler can so easily kiss you it kills me. When I realized it was you, I wanted to hurt him really bad because you’re mine, Em. I love you so much and I don’t see myself with anyone else. Those pictures and videos makes me think that you don’t feel the same back.” Chris became a bit louder. His eyes got glossier and I realized that he was tearing up. I’d never seen him cry and to know that I caused that broke me.
“Babe, of course I feel the same.” I inched closer to him, grabbing his hand and holding it tight. “I don’t like what I did and I don’t like the fact that I’m making you feel this way. I was tired last night and if I was fully awake I would have never let him kiss me like he did and I can never apologize enough. Please know that? I love you too much to hurt you like this.” I apologized. This time it was my turn to wipe away his tears. He sniffled a bit and I rubbed his wet cheeks. I pulled his face towards mine so that we were close enough to whisper. “I’m so sorry, babe. I love you and I’ll never do anything to hurt you again, ok? I promise.” I ended it with a kiss. A real kiss that we both felt and knew was real.
I knew I didn’t deserve his forgiveness and I didn’t deserve him but he was willing to try again and I didn’t want to take that for granted. I felt him smiling on my lips, so I smiled back. Suddenly I had that weird feeling that someone was watching us again and to no surprise when I glanced around Chris, I saw Tyler staring at us. When he saw me looking back at him, he walked quickly to the fridge and pulled out three sodas. Chris noticed him as well and that’s when things got weird.
I watched as Chris glared at Tyler and Tyler looked innocently back. Chris placed his arm around me tightly, squeezing me uncomfortably. He looked back at me, smiling as if trying to prove something. I just went along with it and smiled back. Tyler stood there for a few seconds, a very awkward few seconds, then bolted out.
As long as he stays away from me and Chris, things should be just fine. But for how long? I know Chris can’t stay away from him for long and I will somehow be forced to talk to him at some point. I’m just hoping it won’t be weird.
12:01 PM -
After the conversation with Chris, I ended up falling asleep. I didn’t realize I was even asleep when Chris woke me up.
“Babe,” he tapped me lightly. “We’re stopping for some lunch.”
I shook my hands from their numbness after sleeping on them on the table. When my eyes finally decided to focus, I looked up to see Chris smiling down at me, his hand extended. “Where are we?”
“Somewhere in Indiana,” he laughed. “I don’t really know but I’m starving, so let’s hurry.” I took his hand and he quickly laced his fingers with mine. He must have not eaten breakfast because I’d never seen him so starving for food. We walked out of the tour bus to catch up with the group who was heading towards the outlet of restaurants.
“We all decided on Chipotle, is that ok with you?” Chris asked sarcastically knowing that that’s my favorite food chain. I nudged him in the side with the same arm that was holding his hand. Halfway through the lot, some girls ran up to our sides and started yelling and screaming.
“Hi, Chris! Oh my God, can you sign my phone?” A girl screeched in his ear while pulling out a marker and her phone.
“What’s she doing here Chris? Haven’t you heard she’s cheating on you.” Another giggled with her friend. I desperately wanted to slap her and her friend and I’m sure Chris would have loved that, but I had to keep my cool and ignore it. Chris walked faster and I almost had to run to keep up with his pace.
“Slut.” A third one said. That’s when Chris stopped and got a little too in their faces.
“Back off! If I have to tell another person to leave us alone, it’s not going to be pretty!” Chris raged.
“Ladies, please stay away.” Preston said, a little kinder, pushing Chris away from the girls. I tried to hide my face in the most discreet way possible so I wasn’t called a coward again.
“Maybe it’s too soon for me to be out, babe.” I said to Chris as we continued to speed walk. I didn’t get a response meaning he was to angry for words. This whole time, however, his hand was still attached to mine which meant he also wasn’t giving up on us.
We all ordered and everyone was talking to me again which made me feel like part of the group again. When the group broke off into their own conversations so Chris and I began our own.
“I really think I should wait in the car for situations like these, for a while. Not for me, but for you. I don’t want you doing something stupid for me.” I said, implying what just happened as one of the “stupid things.” I looked around and noticed a few girls with their phones aimed at us and some aimed at the others.
“Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure out something to say later.” Chris said, scoping the scene then Ben called him over. “Be right back, ok?” He kissed my foreheard and I leaned against the counter we were standing at. I pulled out my phone to check for messages. A message from Tyler popped up and I was surprised. As I tapped the screen to view it, a cold brown liquid covered me and my phone.
“You’re a b****.” I looked up to see a blonde girl with an empty soda cup in her hand, smirking.
“What the hell?” I said, letting the cold drink drip down my top. I forgot that my phone was in my hand and I panicked. Tapping the screen vigorously, I found that my phone had broken down by the drink.
“Oops, sorry! My hand slipped.” She laughed, looking back at her table. I noticed the other girl at the table laughing with a hand over her mouth while holding up a phone recording this. I also noticed the guy watching her laughing along side her. I wanted to slap this girl even more than the other and I was about to when Chris stepped in the way.
“Hey! What’s your problem?” He said stepping closer to her, threateningly. She looked a bit scared but she was quickly replaced by her, I assumed, boyfriend.
“No, man. What’s your problem?” He asked, attempting to sound husky. Erica rushed over to me holding a bunch of napkins and she began to pat me down. When I looked back up, Chris had pushed the other guy pretty hard, knocking him into a table.
“Chris! Stop!” I yelled, but it didn’t do much at all.
“How about you keep her under control.” Chris said pointing at the terrified blonde a few feet away. The guy shook his hand off from the pain the table had caused him and got inches away from Chris's face.
“How about I knock the pretty off your face?” The guy was disgustingly close and I was afraid of what might happen next. I looked around to see where Big Pat and Preston were but I couldn’t spot them. “What, little girl, can’t find your security to save you? Welcome to the real world, b****es.” The guy backed off and left with the two girls. I could have said that was a close one, but they got it all on video.
Chris’s reputation was sinking every day and why? Because of me. I was embarrassed and ashamed. All I could do at this point was cry and I hated crying more than once in a week, let alone a day. To avoid anyone from seeing, I ran out of Chipotle, straight to the bus. When I crashed into the seat I was sitting in before, I thought of every way I could make this better. Nothing seemed to be logical except one idea.
To go home. To stay home for a while. Clearly being on tour was too much for me to handle and I couldn’t ruin Chris’s reputation by being here and screwing things up for him. I had to do it, for him because that’s what he deserved.
My temper is bad at times and I don't care how dead wrong I was .. If you don't know me shut the f*** up !!! Now I would have cried like a little b**** on the bus .. ..
How is this conversation going to go? Ohhh wait was that a kiss??? O_o ohhhhhkaaaayyyyy
Runnnnn It !!!!!
Run it
Awww man, I don't know what I would do if I were her. I probably would have ran away and climbed up under a rock somewhere. That's so sad, people are so mean these days. I'm glad that Chris took up for her though. That's love.
Run it
Entry 11
The hard pounding in my head woke me out of my deep sleep. For a minute I didn’t notice the missing hand around my waist, but when I finally caught up with reality, I was disappointed. I had realized my gross state; makeup that had dried on my cheeks, the hair matted on top of my head, and the wrinkled clothes I had fallen asleep in. When everything caught up in my mind, I wanted to go back to sleep and ignore the physical and emotional pain flooding my body.
“Emma! Time to get up! We’re leaving in a half an hour!” Erica yelled from what sounded like inside my room. I jolted up into a sitting position right as she stepped into sight.
“What? How’d you get in here?” I asked rubbing my head. She was brushing her teeth and held up one finger signaling for me to hang on. After patiently sitting in bed for a minute, caressing my aching head, she came back out from the bathroom.
“Chris kind of took over my room with Dylan so I just told them I’ll sleep in your room last night.” She explained. At least I knew where Chris went. I wasn’t quite sure where I thought he had gone anyway.
“You saw Chris? That’s great. Did he say anything?” I asked, excitedly. I don’t know what I expected to hear because I’m positive it wasn’t good.
“I didn’t stay in there for long, just enough to hear what had happened.” I cringed a little bit but continued to listen. “He’s really upset, Em. He doesn’t understand why you did such a stupid thing, and I’m not so sure I do either.” I looked down, now even more embarrassed than before. “Why did you do it? You know Chris is crazy in love with you. You know he would never do anything like that to you…” She paused. “Don’t you?” She resumed softly.
“Of course I do. I just don’t know why I did it. There’s no logical reason behind it and I’m sure that’s what makes this whole thing a s*** ton worse. If only I could have said something last night. I was just so caught off guard and hurt to do anything.” I explained myself.
“How do you think Chris felt? Do you think he was happy to find out that not only his girlfriend but his best friend betrayed him. Don’t you think he was a little caught off guard and hurt?” Her words stung me. Everything always sounded more intense with an accent. “Look, I’m not going to speak for Chris but if I were in his shoes, I’d be angry too. And if I were in your shoes, I’d be hiding out for a bit.” It took me a while to figure it out, but she was right. I’m going to be dealing with a bunch of angry fans.
Erica left the room to go back and pack up her stuff, leaving me alone to get ready. After taking a quick and refreshing shower, I got dressed. I picked out a checkered top with tiny pink hearts, bleach washed high waisted denim shorts, coral loafers, and a black and brown canvas bag. I knew this outfit wasn’t going to do much disguising but I had to try. Then I went around the room picking up everything and shoving it into my suitcase.
Before leaving the room, I went around for a final check. At first, I would have thought to only check my side but something led me to check Chris’s side as well. It appeared to be clean until a flat and square box caught my attention under the bed. I bent down to pick it up.
It was black velvet and the size of a small wallet. When I opened the box, my heart stopped and the guilt already inside me shot through the roof now.
“Happy Two-year anniversary, babe!” Was engraved in the soft white silk background with the date “02-6-10” engraved underneath. With everything that had gone on, I had forgotten about our anniversary. I’m such a b****, I thought to myself. Before I could blame myself for Global Warming, my phone buzzed in my pocket.
I pulled it out and read who it was from; Chris. As my heart pounded I was ready to hear what he had to say. I expected him to be angry and I was going to accept any consequence. I unlocked my phone and read the message.
Time to go.
That was it? Not even a ‘b****’ at the end of it? I don’t know why but it made me feel worse that that’s all he said. Closing the box, I tossed it into my bag and garnered my suitcase along with it, placing the sunglasses, that would be my shelter for who knows how long, on top of my head, and walked out of the room. I didn’t dare look back because this wasn’t a place I would like to remember. It also wasn’t a place I was likely to forget.
In the hall, Preston was watching and, I assumed, waiting until everyone was downstairs to leave. At the same time I exited my room, Tyler did as well. He looked back at me and shot me a half smile. Normally, I’d catch up with him and go down together, laughing about something, but I just looked at him. I think I even glared a bit. Whatever I did, it sent him quickly to the elevators.
When I got down to the lobby, I approached the only person that I know was going to talk to me; Erica. She acknowledged me but continued to talk to Dylan. I couldn’t be a third wheel, that was just annoying. I braved up and decided to walk on my own and try to ignore everything. I knew everyone knew about it by now so there wasn’t much to say or do. Preston finally came down pushing Ben to go faster. He looked like a mess but he was up. Preston gave Big Pat the go-ahead look and Big Pat gave instructions again.
“We’ll be driving up to Michigan today. It won’t be too long of a drive so you guys can relax. Leave your suitcases in here, we will pack them onto the bus. Go straight onto the bus and don’t stop please, we don’t have time today.” Everyone knew that wasn’t the reason. I tried to lower myself from sight, more than I already was. “Let’s head out.”
I peered around everybody to see the crowd, which was big. There were a ton of girls waiting to maul Chris and probably attack me. A few security guards surrounded us, keeping the fans away from us. First out was Dylan and ERica, then Tyler. Next was Ben who put on a smile and waved to everyone. I looked around to see where Chris was. I looked behind me to see him staring at me. However, it was a protective look with a hint of glaring. It calmed me that he had my back. When I finally went through the doors, the crowd silenced a bit then started booing at me. I tried to let it pass me but then the names started.
“What the hell are you still doing here, slut?” One said.
“You just can’t get enough attention can you?” Another screamed. I could hear the words ‘b****’, ‘whore’, and ‘c***’. Surround me and I was glad my sunglasses covered my eyes because tears were gathering and were close to falling. Chants started forming and the girls were raging. We weren’t even halfway to the bus yet. There was no way I could make it. I was so disgusted in myself that I was starting to believe what they said.
Each and every word stabbed me and I began to flinch with every harsh burst. I looked up to see the angry faces of every girl, then looked to see the boys and Erica. They looked sorry for me and I didn’t like feeling so vulnerable. I felt like one of those stray puppies in the middle of a scary intersection. Lost and in the middle of an uncontrollable chaos.
“You’re a cowardly b****!” Some girl yelled, closely.
“Watch it!” Someone screamed back harshly. “You have no right in saying anything. Stay out of our business and leave her alone!” I felt a hand forcefully pull me. I looked up to see Chris angrily ranting. What was he doing? Why was he sticking up for me?
His grip around my waist tightened so much that it hurt. I put my hand on top of his to loosen it. As soon as I did so, Chris looked down shooting me a apologetic look. He let go of me and pushed me in front of him a bit so I couldn’t be seen. After another minute of hearing slightly insulting remarks, we finally made it into the bus. I wanted to jump into Chris’s arms and explain everything, but I knew it was too early for him to forgive me.
I made my way to the table and sat down hoping to be joined by Erica. To no avail, she sat with Dylan on the couch cuddling. Tyler, and Ben all went to the back where their game room was to play video games. Realizing that Chris was probably going to join them, I pulled out my book and opened it to where I left off.
I ended up reading the same line over and over again because all I could think about was Chris protecting me and sticking up for me outside. I finally made it to the second sentence when a figure slid into the seat next to mine. His hand rested on the back of the booth. I knew it was Chris from the way he stared. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, watching me. Finally, I looked up to meet his gaze. I breathed in.
“Can we talk?” He mumbled. The three words that are the deadliest in a relationship. I wanted to say no, I wanted to tell him to give it another day to think everything over again. I wanted to do anything to stop him from saying what he was going to say. So, I did the only thing I could think of.
“You left this.” I pulled out the black box and watched his expression change. I could see the memories flood his mind. He took the box into his hands then slid it a bit away on the table. That’s when I realized there was really nothing I could do. I looked down and the tears I had thought disappeared, came back again, but this time a few fell.
I almost jumped when a hand stroked my cheek pulling my face up. Chris looked at me and wiped the tears. His lips closed in on mine. He let them sit there for a few seconds, then pulled away. I must have had a confused look on my face because Chris addressed it.
“We just need to talk.”
Great story
Run it
I still have tons more to this! Thank you guys so much for your feedback. Means a lot!
Smh ..... That is all
Runnnnn It
I don't blame him for leaving. Shouldn't have done it......
Run it
Entry 10
I nervously watched Chris as he scrolled through his phone. Every tap and every flick of the finger made me so scared. Chris rarely checks his Twitter, but when he does he likes to read the mentions. I didn’t even know if he was even on Twitter, but it was my best bet.
“Someone got this really bad picture of me. I look mentally ill.” Chris said, breaking the silence.
“Oh, that’s too bad.” I responded quickly and suspiciously. Which caught both Chris’s and Tyler’s attention.
“Uh, are you ok?” Chris asked, glancing back and forth from me to his phone. If he looked at that phone one more time, I was going to explode. So, I did my best to distract him.
“Yeah, babe, I’m just fine.” I relaxed my voice and walked towards the chair he was sitting in. I grabbed his face with both of my hands and kissed him. I mean, really kissed him. A kiss he wouldn’t and couldn’t ignore. I sat on his lap and kissed him again. Then again, and again. He tossed his phone to the bed and then kissed me back.
“Ok, I’m out.” Tyler said, feeling uncomfortable. I was glad that he was. That’s how it should be. For a moment, I forgot that people knew about our kiss, I forgot that everything was going to get bad. I didn’t know when, but there was no doubt it was going to. The door clicked closed and I snapped out of my thoughts.
“Babe, I’ll be right back ok?” I looked at Chris who was lustfully looking back at me. He bit his lip which made me crazy inside. I gave him another kiss before running to catch up with Tyler.
He was just opening his door when he turned around and saw me. I was pissed that he had just forgotten what happened last night then had the obnoxious nerves to act like everything was hunky dory.
“Hey E—” Before he had time to finish his sentence, I had pushed him into his room forcefully. I closed the door hard behind us. Before going on a rampage, I made sure that his computer was nowhere to be found and of all things make sure that it wasn’t facing us. Not that I was interested in kissing him again. I had already established the fact that that was the biggest mistake and I wasn’t here to make another.
“What the f***, Tyler?!” I started. “Have you seen Twitter this morning? Do you know what you’ve done? What did you do? Because I’m not even sure what’s going on. Was that your plan the whole time? To get me to help you with Twitcam and then kiss me in front of the whole goddamn world?” I yelled. I was so angry and I wanted to say so much more but I was getting choked up just thinking of what Chris is going to say when he finds out.
“What are you talking about?” Tyler replied shortly, acting completely clueless.
“Everyone saw our kiss last night. I’ve been getting a ton of tweets about it. The only way they could have seen that was through the twitcam which I know I didn’t broadcast. So it had to be you!” I snapped. He spaced out, looking at the ground for a few long seconds and then realized what he had done. He must have not known that he did that.
“I didn’t mean to! I swear! I typed the tweet and I hit enter, I didn’t know! Have you seen the video? There has to be one up somewhere!” He panicked. That’s when I realized that he was just as terrified as me, if not more. He and Chris are best friends, no more than just that. They’re like brothers. Tyler rushed over to his suitcase and pulled out his laptop. After waking it up from sleep mode, Tyler typed away at YouTube, skipping over the Twitter tab that was already opened from last night. “What do I search?” Tyler asked, looking back up at me.
“Uh, search Tyler’s Twitcam and then yesterday’s date. Do you really think the video will be up already?” I asked and my question was answered. The page loaded with videos of the twitcam from last night. Tyler clicked the first one and waited patiently for it to load.
When it did, my face froze and my heart raced. The playback from last night had started and I couldn’t look away. I was forced to re-watch myself pretty much cheating on Chris.
The video distantly caught Tyler's voice and you couldn’t really make it out. I couldn’t help but notice the horrible quality of the video either. It was pixely and hard to see our faces since we were pretty far from the computer. At this point in the video, Tyler was standing with his back towards the camera and covering me completely. You couldn’t hear anything we were saying now which made me feel a bit better. How did anyone even see me? How would they even know that was me?
I saw my arms wrap around his neck and I saw my forehead and hair, but I couldn’t even see how anyone could even tell that was me. At that moment, I was reliving those few seconds. My arms slid off from around his neck but we were still within the same few inches of personal space. He leaned down and only my hair was visible. The kiss was a lot quicker than it seemed last night. It was over and I was gone.
“Is this working? Thanks to Emma for helping me figure this out.” Tyler said to the camera. He then clicked the back button and checked out another video. All were the same; crappy quality, mumbled voices, and the inability to recognize the girl.
“So everyone tweeting me is just assuming that it was me because you said I helped you. This is an easy fix. I just tell everyone that wasn’t me and that you had some other girl in your room.” I began to think of ways to make this lie easy.
“That makes the most sense.” Tyler said thinking to himself.
“Ok, so it’s settled.” I said back. It wasn’t settled, not in my mind. Why did we kiss in the first place? It was getting way too complicated. I walked out of the room without saying anything to Tyler. This had to be done, sneaking around and kissing him behind Chris’s back was stupid. I felt so guilty and I wanted to confess to Chris but I didn’t know what I would say. ‘Hey Chris, I was helping Tyler with a twitcam and we kissed. Oh, bonus! The whole goddamn world saw us too! I love you, babe. Hope we can get past this!’ No, I definitely wasn’t going to say anything.
As I opened the door, I saw Chris looking at his phone with intent.
“Hey Emma, come look at this.” There went my heart. It stopped and I stopped. I was frozen. “Babe, are you ok? What’s with you lately?” I looked up at him and he was smiling. He must not be looking at what I thought he was looking at, so I walked over and began to breathe again. I stood behind the chair he was still sitting in and looked over his shoulder. There it was. A still of the video that Tyler and I just got done watching.
“Someone on Twitter linked me to this.” He started and I was freaking out inside. “Who do you think she is?” Chris looked up at me and smirked. I shrugged. “Well at least he’s getting some action.” Chris winked and I nudged him. He looked back at the picture. “She has your hair.”
“Ha.” I joked and mentally wiped my forehead of the invisible sweat. This might actually work.
8:12 PM -
“Last night in Chicago, everybody smile!” A few flashes lit up everybody’s faces. There were flashes in every direction that were hard to avoid. Erica, the boys, and I stood in front of the hotel in a line, smiling. I had the urge to blink because they were so bright, but I kept them open. Chris’s hand was around my waist and Tyler’s arm was slung over my shoulder. I looked up at Chris who winked back at me and I happened to look over at Tyler too who was shooting me a indifferent expression. I could barely read it.
As soon as the pictures were all taken, Chris removed his hand and walked towards the guy who took a picture of all of us with Chris's phone. I knew that he was going to Instagram it, it was his ‘thing’. While he was over there fooling around with his phone, I lingered over towards Tyler who was looking at his phone as well.
“We should really talk about what happened, you know, last night.” I said to him.
“What’s there to talk about?” He responded quickly and coldly.
“A lot, Tyler. You can’t ignore me and you really can’t ignore what happened, ok?” I got angry because now he was treating me like I was nothing. He looked up from his phone and gave me another one of his sincere looks.
“Ok. We’ll talk about it, just not now and not here.” He agreed. After he said that, I looked back over at Chris whose expression was puzzled. Soon it turned to what seemed to be anger. I was about to walk over to him when Big Pat began to speak.
“Is everybody ready to go? Start heading towards the vans please!” He commanded. Everybody was really excited to go out to dinner tonight. After last night’s amazing performance, Chris and everyone deserved a big dinner. When I looked back at where Chris was, he was gone. I looked around everywhere and I couldn’t find him. Finally, I caught a glimpse of him walking back into the lobby. What was he doing? No one else seemed to notice, so I followed him in.
“Chris! Chris, where are you going? Everybody’s boarding the buses!” I yelled to him. He wasn’t just walking but storming further into the hotel. I was just about to catch up with him.
“Stay away from me!” Chris whipped around and looked me up and down with a nasty face, then turned back around, walked to the elevators, and got on one. I was panicking not only because this meant something extremely awful, but because everyone inside and outside the hotel could hear him. I was embarrassed and I wanted to run off and hide somewhere, but I needed to fix things.
“You guys go ahead. I think we’re staying in tonight.” I told Erica who was now standing inside the doorway. She gave me an are-you-sure look and I nodded. By the time I rushed to the elevators, Chris had already closed and was on its way up. So I frantically pressed the buttons and waited.
What was going on? This could only be about the kiss, but he saw the picture already and said he thought it was someone else. I didn’t get it and that’s what made my stomach turn. The second the kiss happened, I regretted it. Now, I was paying for it and I couldn’t deal with what was going to happen.
I ran off the elevator onto our floor. I wasn’t going to go through the whole precautions because I had more important things on my agenda at that moment. When I reached our room, I stumbled to get out my key card and swung the door open. I saw Chris packing everything into his suitcase.
“Wha—what are you doing?” I questioned. For a minute, he continued to throw his things into his suitcase; wandering from one side of the room to the other. Then out of nowhere he threw one of his shirts on the floor with force. He was really angry and I was terrified. He looked up at me.
“Do you think I’m stupid?” Chris asked softly and it confused me even more.
“What?” I asked back.
“I said…do you think I am stupid?!” He was screaming now. I flinched. I didn’t know what to say, I struggled to find any words because I’ve never heard him scream like this before.
“No, of course not.” I replied, hoping he would explain what he meant.
“Oh…really?! Then what the hell is this?” Chris pulled out his phone and tapped on the screen. He walked over to me with the picture that we were looking at this morning on his phone. Chris practically shoved it in my face.
“I, uh, I—” I wanted to lie, and I wanted for him to stop yelling, but he continued.
“No! No, don’t lie. When we looked at this this morning, I would have never thought that was you because I never thought you would ever do that to me.” He licked his lips preparing for more. “I thought you actually loved me and I made no connection whatsoever. But then just now when we took that photo and I saw how the picture turned out on my phone and how you looked EXACTLY like the girl that was with Tyler last night; that’s when it all made sense.” He pointed to the side of his head as if making that mental connection. “YOU were in his room last night. YOU helped him with the twitcam. And YOU…” he paused, stumbling on getting the last words out, “you kissed him.”
I stood there, shaking and crying because everything he said was the truth. The hard, cold, and awful truth. There was nothing I could say that could make any of this better, but I needed to try.
“Don’t cry. You shouldn’t cry. I didn’t cheat on you.” He calmed his tone a little. “You wanna know why? Because I love you and I would never, in my lifetime, think of ever doing something so disgusting in my life.” He gave me that same nasty look then proceeded to pack again. He didn’t expect me to say anything back and I couldn’t tell whether that was a good thing or the worst thing, so I just stood there, watching him through my tears.
He zipped up his bag and walked towards me in front of the door.
“Chris, please.” I put my hand on his chest thinking I could stop him from leaving, but he gently removed it. I sniffled and tried to stop crying but the tears fell harder. Chris stood there in front of me waiting for me to move, but I didn’t want to. “Please.” I let out.
“Please, move.” Chris said. I tried to look at him but he wouldn’t even make eye contact. His face showed disappointment and disgust. It was all because of me. All because of the decision I made. I stepped to the side, hesitantly, and watched him walk out.
I didn’t know where that left us and I didn’t know where he was going. All I knew was that every bone in my body felt weak and that I was disgusted with myself. This was real and Chris was gone. This realization made the tears fall harder and faster. I fell to my knees and cried for I don’t even know how long. After that, I went to my suitcase to pull out the shirt Chris lets me use for pajamas. I dug and dug for it but it was nowhere to be found and that’s what broke me more.
I crashed into bed crying again. What was wrong with me? This was all my fault. I wanted to punch Tyler hard but it wasn’t even completely his fault. I could have stopped the kiss from happening, but I didn’t and that’s what makes me cringe. There was nothing more I wanted than to have Chris’s arms around me, cuddling me, and telling me everything was going to be alright. However, that was just the point. The thing I wanted most right now, was off somewhere disgusted at me and doing God-knows-what.
I swallowed hard at my thoughts and kept crying. I kept crying until I couldn’t tell whether I was awake or asleep. If I was asleep, I didn’t ever want to wake up because I didn’t want to know what was going to happen now. What was Chris going to do? What was Tyler going to do? My thoughts faded into dreams and I drifted off not knowing what tomorrow was going to bring.
Sorry to say it but.......TOLD YA SO!!! Now you have to deal with it!
Run it
Tell him ! Tell him now !!!!
Runnnnn It
Entry 9
“It was fantastic. Great start of the tour, you know?” Chris said, slowly taking off his shoes at the end of the bed. I watched his fingers carefully as he tossed the shoes towards his suitcase.
“That’s great, babe.” I replied. I turned back around and continued to re-fold all of my clothes in my suitcase. I had been sitting Indian style for the past half-hour and I was beginning to lose feeling in both of my feet.
“Yeah. Did you get anything while shopping tonight?” Chris asked curiously.
“I was thinking about it, but I don’t want to waste a bunch of money in one place, so I’m waiting for a bit. Plus, I still have a couple shirts I haven’t worn yet.” I laughed. Chris joined in with a small chuckle.
“Girls..” He mumbled. As I rolled my eyes, Chris walked into the bathroom. “I’m gonna take a quick shower, ok?” He asked rhetorically.
“Mmhm.” I finished folding everything and tried to get up. The numbness in my feet weren’t helping me at all. I half-walked, half-limped to the bed, already in my PJ shirt and shorts and ready to go to bed after such a long day. It felt good to relax and kick back. Then an obnoxious noise interrupted that feeling and tensed me up.
“Who’s there? And can you stop knocking so loud.” I said without thinking that it may possibly be a stranger. It sounded rude and I wished I could have taken it back but the person responded quickly.
“I just need your help for two seconds.” The Brooklyn accent was heavy and I caught myself smiling at it. I got up and walked to the door to open it.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Miller?” I teased. He ran his fingers through his bleached hair and sported quite an exhausted look.
“Well, I’m trying to do a twitcam but the computer is never on my side. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Can you set me up?” He asked. I rolled my eyes because, for one, it’s almost one o’clock in the morning and for two, he’s so helpless.
“Sure.” I laughed, then followed him down the hall into his room, tiptoeing even though it was probably pointless. When he opened the door with the keycard, I saw that his room had been straightened up. “Impressive.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He waved my comment off. I saw his computer set up on the table across the room. It was facing the door and from the looks of it, it was on the twitcam site.
“Wait, where’s Ben?” I asked, observing that he wasn’t in the room.
“He went off somewhere with Josh and Sandy. I don’t know.” He laughed tiredly. “Anyway, I can’t fall asleep so I tweeted I would do a twitcam but it’s not working for some reason. The camera isn’t loading and it won’t let me start it.” He motioned to the computer as if he was fed up with it. I watched the screen with intent, then took a seat to figure it out.
After a few minutes of browsing around, first checking the internet, then restarting the browser, I found the problem.
“Aha! You had the camera application open which stops the twitcam from beginning.” I said, clicking out of Photobooth and reloading the twitcam page. The camera finally loaded and he was set to go.
“Why don’t I get computers? It all just seems so simple.” Tyler said, rubbing his eyes. He took a look at the computer and fiddled around with it for a second.
“I don’t know, but I’m gonna go back to my room now.” I laughed at Tyler.
“Yeah, uh, thanks for helping!” He said. We walked back to the door.
Tyler gave me that deep look again, an unbreakable gaze that swallowed me. Before I knew it, I was wrapped up in Tyler's arms and receiving the tightest hug from him ever. This was obviously about something way more personal than a compliment. I wasn’t objective towards it either, I was fine with it. After what seemed like a minute, the hug ended leaving my hands sliding down from around his neck. However, the two of us were still so close.
Then it happened. It was quick, but not too fast. It was definitely soft, and most certainly different. His warm lips came in contact with mine for a second and I welcomed them. My eyes even fluttered closed. What the hell was I doing? What the hell was he doing? I realized that I had just made a really bad mistake and it was not retractable. I had led him on and successfully lured him into thinking I had feelings for him too. It was sick.
“Goodnight, Tyler.” Was all I had to say. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Sweet dreams.” I heard him say as I walked back towards my room. The kiss still crawled on my lips and I brought my fingers up to them to tame the tingling sensation. My mind was still so unclear on what I did feel for him. I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell myself, again, that I had a boyfriend. Not to mention, my boyfriend was best friend's with Chris and that would kill him if he ever found out. He won’t ever find out because Tyler won’t tell him and I won’t tell him. It’ll be forgotten.
I reached the room and realized that I had forgotten my key. It took me several hard knocks on the door to realize that Chris was definitely still in the shower. All I wanted to do was go to bed. I wanted to sleep off everything that just happened. I wanted to wake up in the morning and hope that this night was all just a dream. Through many experiences I’ve learned that you can’t always get what you want, and this would be one of them. I was never going to forget. Who was I kidding?
I spent the next five minutes outside the door drowned in my thoughts that I hardly noticed Chris calling me to get inside.
“Is everything ok?” Chris asked. It took me a while to toss away the thoughts but when I finally did, I saw Chris, my boyfriend, standing in the doorway in just a towel.
“Yeah, Tyler just needed help setting up twitcam.” I responded honestly. Normally, I would laugh at this but I found nothing funny in it anymore.
“He can never get that s*** right.” Chris laughed, walking back into the bathroom. Yeah, he can’t get anything right. I thought to myself. South Park was playing on the TV and I was glad. I needed a good laugh. The last thing I heard before knocking out was some perverted joke Kenny told. I tried to stay awake until Chris came to bed too but there was no use. I was a goner.
June 1st - 11:01 AM
“She must have been up late last night.” I heard as I slowly rose to consciousness. At the end of my bed, Erica and Brittany watched me get up.
“Morning sleeping beauty.” Brittany smiled at me. I observed her stance; relaxed but stable. Her skin tight black skinny jeans matched her tote. I also noted the suitcase right by her side.
“Oh s***, I forgot you were leaving today! Oh my God, I suck.” I said, racing out of bed.
“It’s ok, you don’t suck that much. I just wanted to stop by before I left to say goodbye.” She laughed at my clumsiness.
“Ugh, we’re gonna miss you so much. I don’t want you to go.” I whined.
“Oh but I have to. I have a couple of jobs to do and I can’t take off much more vacation time. But I’ll miss you guys too.” Brittany returned. She leaned in for a hug and I gave her one then watched her do the same with Erica.
“Should I—do you want me to come down with you guys?” I asked, looking at my appearance and then back at theirs.
“It’s ok, babe. Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you soon, ok?” She replied.
“Of course! Have a safe flight!” I watched them walk out of the door then I noted the time. “What the hell?” I said out loud, unintentionally. Why didn’t Chris wake me up? I asked myself. And where is he?
I went to grab my phone to text him. After, I checked Facebook to find three notifications. One from my mom telling me that she misses me and that she hopes I’m having fun, the second from someone sending me a game request, and the third saying I have three pokes.
I went on to check Twitter. Normally, I wasn’t surprised at all my mentions but most of my recent ones caught my attention, especially one:
“You already have one of the boys, now you want two? A little greedy don’t ya think?”
What was going on? I scrolled down to look at more.
“What’s wrong with you? I’m sure Chris would love to hear about this.”
I was so confused and angry and scared. All at the same time.
“Does your boyfriend know about this little kiss, or did you forget about him?”
This couldn’t possibly get any worse. I wanted to scream. Loudly. I wanted to sink into the walls around me and never come out. I wanted to hide, somewhere really good where no one could ever find me. I knew what I had was bad, but this was so much worse. Why did people see that? What had Tyler done? What was going to happen to me? Does Chris already know?
So many questions raced through my brain and came out as tears in my eyes. How could I do this to him?
“Babe, are you up? I forgot my key card in there.” I swallowed hard and my eyes brighten. Do I tell him before he finds out? Could I find a way to avoid telling him at all? Maybe he’ll believe my lie over his fan’s truth. I walked to the door and opened it. Both Chris and Tyler casually walked in with Starbucks in their hands.
“Mornin’.” Tyler walked past me. Right past me. Barely even looked at me. Did he even know what he had done? I was wrong, this could get worse, and it just had.
Imma roundhouse kick the s*** out of her !! Like ugh
Runnnnn it :)
Run it
Ughhhh she's pissing me off
Run it.................away from Tyler!
Entry 8
I saw people already glancing towards the black van that approached the pull around street, many of which appeared to be tourists. This van was supposed to be more discreet and not draw as much attention, but, to me, it seemed to be doing quite the opposite. When we came to a stop, Big Pat stood up in the front and began to talk about what was going to happen. I was listening for a bit, catching the parts about how we stay with at least one other person and that there will be a security guard with every group to avoid dangerous situations from happening.
Chris's hand, that was laced with mine, moved to my knee. I looked down at it, then up to him, smiling. He squinted his face and began to rub my leg. His hands never failed to be soft and they were always so soothing, but I smacked his hand away. He gave me a confused look that was so cute that I wanted to smile and allow him to continue. I mouthed “not here” to him because we never exhibited such personal affection towards each other like this in public. It was always holding hands, hugging, or kissing, sometimes the occasional butt grab or hands-in-pocket deal.
He removed his hands and I smiled at him lovingly. When I turned my attention back towards Big Pat, who was finishing up his directions, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, Tyler was eyeing us. I could feel the tension rising in the small space we took up and it didn’t feel good at all. As I turned to him, his eyes rose to meet mine and I smiled.
“We’re leaving at 3. The girls will be taken back to the hotel in a separate vehicle and you boys will be taken straight to the venue. Don’t cause any trouble and be back on time!” Big Pat said, opening to door to the van. Dylan and Erica hopped out first. Ben and Brittany went after, then Tyler, and then finally me and Chris. I hurried off because Chris wouldn’t stop hitting my butt. After jumping down the distance from the van to the ground, Chris was quick to grab my hand and hold it quite tightly. This received another jealous look from Tyler, but it was a little more hidden since his sunglasses covered his blue eyes.
“Where to first?” Chris glanced down at me, squinting his eyes because of the sun. I reached down into my shoulder bag draped across my side and pulled out Chris’s Ray Ban’s. “How did you know I forgot them?”
“They weren’t on your face.” I winked, but soon realized it was pointless because my eyes were covered, as well, by the dark tint of my aviator glasses. “We’re gonna go to the end first and work our way down!” I said to Big Pat. Big Pat began to say something but was rudely interrupted by Tyler.
“I’ll go with them.” Everyone looked at Tyler, then exchanged glances. Everybody knows that when the girlfriends come, they spend alone time with the boyfriends. It’s like their rule, and Tyler saying this completely destroyed that. No one said anything because the rule wasn’t official but it was almost as good as official.
“Ookay.” Big Pat looked at him. He signaled to one of the newest guards and sent us on our way. Chris gave me a look and I could tell instantly that he was questioning me. I just shrugged because I honestly had no idea what was going on.
“I heard the Ferris wheel is amazing,” Tyler said, breaking the link that Chris and I were in. He draped each arm around our shoulders as we began to walk down the pier.
“This is gonna be a long day.” I mumbled looking out towards the lake that gleamed in the sun. “A very hot and long long day.”
2:37 -
“It’s definitely better the eighth time around.” Tyler said, laughing to himself. I could tell that Chris was pissed because his hands were clenched into fists. I reached out to him and touched his hand to hold it and his immediately released all the tension.
“You ok, babe?” I half whispered to Chris.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” He said while glaring towards Tyler’s direction. The other fist still clenched very tightly.
“Hey, hey,” I got his attention. “It’s ok.” I smiled and pulled his face to mine. “I love you.” I said, letting the words naturally float off of my lips. I watched as a wide smile formed on his lips right before he let them touch mine. I kept laughing as we continuously kissed, forgetting about the busy world around us.
“Alright guys, that’s enough. We should be heading back now.” The new security guard said, cutting off our kiss. Chris grabbed my hand that was placed on his chest, and wrapped his fingers in mine. Halfway down the pier, I realized we were missing something.
“Where’s Tyler?” I panicked. All three of us looked around us hoping to catch sight of the blonde boy that was with us up until this point. Even though I was terrified at losing him, the new guard seemed even more afraid. This was his job and he just lost him.
“s***.” The man said in a hushed tone.
“I’ll text him.” Chris said, pissed. He pulled out his phone and tapped away at the screen, exaggerating every letter. “Don’t worry about it man. If we don’t see him while walking back, we’ll take the blame.” Chris tried calming the guy down, and it worked.
When we finally saw the rest of the group, we noticed Tyler laughing and fooling around with Josh and Sandy. Not only did Chris want to beat the s*** out of him now, but so did I.
“Looks like we’re all here and we are on time!” Big Pat started. Chris gave Tyler a dirty look and Tyler just shrugged at him. “So we can hang out here for a few minutes while we wait for the cars. No wandering off.” As soon as he was done, I stormed over to Tyler and pulled him away from everybody. I signaled to Chris that I would just be a minute.
“What the hell was that?” I screeched.
“What was what?” He acted clueless.
“Oh, I don’t know…the c**k blocking, the third wheel act, the sneaking off?” I used my hands a lot when I was angry and I was using them right now. I wasn’t his mom but this had to stop. He needed to stop acting so weird.
“Are you kidding me? I wasn’t c**k blocking and I wanted to use the restroom. Sorry, I didn’t know I needed permission.” He looked at the ground, angry I could tell. “You’re not my girlfriend.” What was that supposed to mean? Of course I wasn’t his girlfriend? What was his point?
“I don’t get it, Tyler. I just don’t get it.” I said, giving up. I began to walk away, when his hand caught my arm. He pulled me in to a hug, a tight one at that. A hug more intimate than a just a friends should be. The strange thing is that I automatically hugged back with no hesitation. I wanted the hug and so did he.
“What are you guys talking about over here?” Chris said, breaking the hug off.
“We were just talking about our deal…about me helping him get a girlfriend. He’s lonely and I promised him today that I’d help him but I forgot.” I saved him. Or saved myself, I didn’t know.
“You had to hug about it?” He laughed. “NTyler, man, not cool today. You gotta warn us when you have to take a piss ok?” It almost seemed as if Chris was playing father, which was strange to me. Tyler pointed at Chris in agreement and walked away from this awkward bubble. “What’s his deal lately? Has he been acting weird to you?”
“No, like I said, he’s just lonely and all of our…canoodling…doesn’t exactly make him feel better.” I respond.
“Canoodling?” Chris’s straight face turned into a smirk as he made fun of me. He snaked his arm around my back and pulled me in close again. I could smell his faint cologne lingering on his clothes and it made me melt. “Like this?” Chris leaned down again kissing me like he always did, leaving me wanting so much more than he gave me. His hand rose up to my cheek, steadying there and holding my face to his. Once again, I was lost; in his lips, in his touch, in his cologne. I wanted to be alone with him but I knew I wasn’t and I had to pull away before it became too much.
“What happened to saving it for tonight?” I smiled, placing my hand on top of his. HChris opened his eyes slowly, still absorbing the kiss.
“I figured…why wait?” He winked and led us back to the group right as Big Pat directed us towards the cars.
“Chris, say goodbye.” Big Pat made a hurrying motion with his hands and we all said our goodbyes and good lucks for his first show.
“Can I have some more luck?” He winked, setting me back on the ground. I admired his constant PDA, it showed me that he wasn’t afraid to show the world that I’m his girl. I loved him for that and I’d never take advantage of that. I hope he knows that.
“Maybe tonight, when you get back.” I replied. “Now go have fun.” I watched Chris go into the van that we all came in. Erica and Brittany both approached my side smiling and laughing about something. Then I caught on.
“Shopping time!” We all said simultaneously. Shopping will get my mind off of things, off of Tyler. Hopefully. Did I even want it off of him?
Why us she feeling that way? I wish she would stop!
Tyler needs to stop too!!!
Run it
Entry 7
I was woken up by the feeling of something lightly squeezing my side. I was a light sleeper and anything could wake me up; no matter the amount of disturbance it caused. Letting my eyes flutter open, I was nicely greeted by a pair of brown eyes looking down at me. Immediately, I smiled remembering where I was.
“Morning, sleepy.” Chris said, peering deeply into my eyes. He stood there for another second and then kissed my forehead. My eyes squinted as he lips pressed against my skin. Chris’s lips never failed at being soft and warm.
“Morning.” I smiled and kicked at the covers to get them off of me. I usually have a hard time getting to sleep in hotels but with Chris’s company, it was easier this time. I stretched every muscle in body that resulted in looking quite weird, but it felt fantastic. Chris started chuckling in front of the mirror when he saw my strange movements. “Oh shut up.” I pulled the sheets back over myself and decided I hadn’t gotten quite enough sleep. As I began to easily drift off again, a heavy figure laid itself on top of me. It peeled back the covers exposing my face and his.
“Get up!” Chris demanded while wearing a smile.
“Get off me.” I kicked at him and he made a face. “Seriously, get off.” I switched my facial expression from kidding to serious. Chris got off then tore the covers away.
“Big Pat wants us downstairs by 11.” He stated bluntly.
“Maybe if you start off with things like that, I would get up faster. Don’tcha think?” I asked.
“I was just trying to be nice.” Chris quickly responded. I got up and jumped into his arms which he wasn’t expecting at all.
“I’m sorry, babe. I’m just…not a morning person.” I smiled and wrapped my legs around his torso and his arms supported my body. As soon as his hands slid down to right above my bum, flashbacks of last night came back. I went off into a daze and I started hearing his laugh again, and seeing his smile.
“Em? Emma? You in there?” Chris’s voice shook me out of my trance and I smiled at him. I needed to stop thinking the things I was thinking and start paying more attention to the boyfriend I have that’s always been there for me. Before either of us knew it, my lips had attacked his and his were attacking right back. We were so into it that Chris had stumbled back into the wall for more support. One of his hands grabbed my face and kept it in touch with his. When Chris’s tongue slid gently into my mouth, I knew that if I didn’t stop now, something serious was going to happen, and I wasn’t quite ready for that. On that note, I pulled away, catching my breath. Out of nowhere, a laugh escaped my mouth and soon enough Chris’s joined in. I unraveled my legs and slid down to the floor so I was standing.
“Save that for tonight.” Chris winked at me and gave me a short kiss on the lips. He walked into the bathroom and I followed watching him eye himself in the mirror, perfecting his look. He caught me smiling and smiled back at me. “When are you getting ready?”
I had almost forgot that we were on a time schedule and I rushed to my suitcase to pick out an outfit. I quickly decided on a tie fronted plaid shirt that was pink and blue and denim cutoff shorts to pair with it. I always dress myself according to Chris's outift. He was dressed very casually with a light blue v-neck, his dark wash jeans, and his converse.
“Can you possibly stop checking yourself out maybe and get out of the bathroom?” I snapped at him.
“Wow, fiesty.” He replied to my sassy request.
“Sorry, I just don’t want to be late. It’s nothing personal, babe.” He walked out and I shut the door so I could block out any distractions. I needed a distraction from a lot of things, but mostly my thoughts.
11:03 -
Chris and I rushed down to the lobby because we were slacking three minutes. When we finally reached it, we hurried out and met the whole group where we usually did; a corner with two big chairs and a plant in between them. Big Pat gave us an accepting look as he raised his eyebrows. Both Chris and I gave him an apologetic one back.
“So here’s the deal: we’re going to let you take pictures and sign autographs for 15 minutes with everyone outside. Try to make it around everybody and make it fair. At 11:20, we’re boarding the van and going to Navy Pier.” Big Pat informed us, making eye contact with each one of us. What this meant was that Erica, Brittany,Tyler,Ben, Dylan and I were going to have to stand off at the sides watching the Chris be attacked and mauled by other girls. It’s not like I get jealous, it’s just annoying after a while.
We went outside and the girls began to scream while Big Pat told them to calm down or they weren’t going to meet Chris. Chris stood by my side and held my hand tight. I looked up and him and gave him a squeeze. He took notice of my facial expression and dismissed it by giving me a kiss on the top of my head which made the array of girls, gasp and admire the sight.
Big Pat called the Chris over and so began the process of many pictures and signings. A few times, while the fans were waiting for their precious seconds with Chris, Erica, Brittany, and I were asked a few questions. When we answered them, the girls appeared to be taking serious mental notes. It was cute to know that we were some girl’s inspiration and role model.
Finally, Chris came to a finish. Chris smirked at me and grabbed my hand as soon as he was close enough to. When Big Pat came to us, he nudged us to get into the black van that was parked in the turn-around. As we started to walk, Chris dropped my hand and draped that arm over my shoulder. Since my hand was just left there to hang, I wrapped it around his muscular torso and held on tight.
“You’re gonna love Navy Pier.” I told Chris.
“Yeah?” He asked, smiling and revealing his bright white teeth.
“Yeah.” I smiled back.
“Good. By the way, those shorts look good on you.” Chris complimented me as I walked up the narrow stairs into the van, ahead of him. I could feel his eyes on my butt and I was tempted to shake it, but I had to remind myself to keep the inappropriate levels to a minimum.
I was stopped at the first stair, as everyone piled in and figured out their seating. Instead of waiting on the ground where there was plenty of room, Chris walked on to my step and enveloped me in his arms so that there was no room for escape. I tried to wriggle out, even though I knew it was pointless, and Chris laughed at my failed attempt. After squirming, Chris leaned down and gave me a kiss. I expected to just kiss back quickly, but found myself kissing him back with more force than intended.
After drawing back from it, Chris winked at me. “Wow, what’s with you today?”
I shot him a flirty glance but felt another pair of eyes watching. I continued to smile as I looked to left where I saw a pair of blue eyes and blonde hair to match it, watching us intently. His face was drowned in jealousy and sadness. Emotions flooded within me and my heart pounded harder where I could feel it in my chest. I felt as if I was cheating on Tyler, like I was having an affair with Chris and I was caught in the act. I know I shouldn’t have felt this way but it was something I had been feeling a lot lately and it needed to stop.
Chris took lead in front of me and looked for somewhere to sit. There were at least two spots that him and I could have sat alone at, but he walks right where I knew I didn’t want to sit.
“Hey, Tyler. You excited about today?” Chris asked him taking the seat at the window, leaving me directly in the middle of both of them. I watched Tyler’s expression completely change.
“Yeah, man. Should be interesting.” He replied, very bluntly. What was that supposed to mean? What was Tyler going to pull and would I have any way to avoid it because lately, I’ve found myself right in the middle of this mess with no way out.
I can't wait till she find Tyler girlfriend so he can back the hell up off her for Christ sake! DANG!
She's taken!
Run it
Run it