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{Without Him} - Chap 19 & 20 is up... STORY IS FINISHED NOW!!!

First and foremost, I would like to thank Bre'Na Wells for the title to this story. I was stuck and she gave me the best idea yet.

Now unto the story.

<Strong> Intro </Strong>

I remember it as though it was yesterday. The summer’s heat was seeping into our bones through our open pores and he was still here with me. Continuously told me that he was so in love with me, but he was sorry for what was to come. If only I knew then what I know now, I would have left him, left them, left there as soon as possible. I would have looked around for the emergency exit before having considered pressing the panic button. But unfortunately, I wasn’t as aware as I should have been. Within 24 hours of telling me what he wanted from me, he left without warning. I could blame God for taking him away so soon, but it wouldn’t be fair on God for he obviously knew that his time was limited and failed to tell me. Now I’m lost with nowhere to go, no one to turn to and a life of hell ahead of me.

My friends try to console me each day, but even a year later I still feel that it was my fault he died. If only I cared more I would have been able to tell that something wasn’t right with him. If only I hadn’t been so caught up in my own world, I would have been able to spend more time. But now he is gone and all that I’m left with is memories of him and a child. His child.

Comments

run it run it

AWW C'MON LIL D! YOU HAD TO CRY RIGHT THEN?!
lmaoooooo
But that was nice how they finally got
together.

Run It

aaahhhhh Sosoooo

your chap summaries are amazing girl!

Anywho hope u all enjoy Chap 15... it's my bedtime now

<strong> Chapter 15 </strong>

<em> *Trop girl, you are inspiration for part of this chapter. Had you not mentioned that there was something you wanted to know, some vital information would have been left out. Enjoy girls!!*

I woke up to an empty bed and a huge headache. I think the headache was result to my tossing and turning last night. Though I loved Chris, though I knew he loved me, I wasn’t able to get what he said out of my head. How could he say that he gets pushed aside each year for Darius? It’s not as though we dedicated the whole day to him. All we did was as we promised Niy we would do. Read the notes with her and then go about the rest of the day as usual.

I swung my feet off the side of the bed and sat up trying to adjust my mind to the new day ahead of me. Something was telling me that today was going to be a long and annoying day. Chris wasn’t going in the office and Niy had to go to Kindergarten. I was drained and had a baby to look after. I managed to drag myself to the bathroom and brushed my teeth firstly then washed my face. That was step 1 completed. As I was undressing, I heard the bedroom door open. I quickly put my robe on and walked into the room to see Niy. I hated seeing her so sad. My quick witted daughter was somehow lost and trapped in a body which suppressed joy.

“What did I do to get daddy mad?” She asked as she sat on my bed. Was I to tell her that he hated her reading Darius’ letters to her? “You didn’t get me mad baby.” He said as he walked in the room with lil D. She looked up at him and smiled. “He’s not ugly again.” She said referring to Darius. Chris smiled as he looked at her and then back at me. I sighed and felt as though the weight of the world was taken off my shoulder. I kissed Niy on her forehead and told them that I needed to get ready for the day ahead and returned to the bathroom. Once I was finished, I wrapped my towel around myself and went into the room to get my clothes for the day.

I headed downstairs and smelt beautiful aromas from the kitchen which Chris had whipped together for breakfast. I have to admit, it’s been quite a long time since Chris has done anything like this and it made me even more grateful. As we sat down to eat, Ni-Yah mentioned that she had an announcement to make. “Instead of putting all of my birthday money into my account, I want to split it with Darius and buy something for him.” Chris and I looked at her with shock written on our faces. We honestly thought it would have taken a long time for her to show such affection to him. “What you want to get him?” Chris asked her. “Well, a big teddy which says I love you and me and mommy can stitch his name on to it and I can write to say that it was from me.” She said with a huge smile on her face. His first ever teddy from his big sister was coming out of her birthday money from the man he was named after who was her late father. Time passed and Chris got her ready to take her to Kindergarten whilst I cleared dishes and went into the study to get some files sorted out for work.

When I went into the study, I looked at the picture of Chris and I that was on the desk. I remembered the holiday we went away on. It was then that he told me that he wanted to be more than just my colleague and more than just my friends. It was the Bahamas that we had gone to. It had been Chris, myself, Kayanna and some other members from our LA and NY companies. It was to be a business holiday, so I left Ni-Yah with my parents in NY. I was clueless at the time not knowing that Chris had such feelings for me. I always tried to hide the way I felt as I didn’t feel I was at all ready to get into a relationship with anyone. Chris was always there whenever I needed him and he was always around for Niy. The night he told me he wanted more out of our relationship, he had taken me to a beautiful restaurant. He talked over dinner then danced along to the music that had been playing. When he held me I felt so comfortable. I felt all the emotions that I longed for since Darius died. “Can I be the one who holds you close each night?” I remember him whispering into my ears. I nodded my head against his chest as he brought me closer to him. “I can’t bear to see you hurt as you think of him, I want to comfort you and bring joy back to your life.” He continued to say. He wasn’t replacing Darius; instead, he was just looking after me as Darius had wished. I had just fallen in love with him.

“I remember that night too.” He said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. “You cried so much having received the letters from Darius and it hurt me each time a tear escaped your eyes.” I placed my hands on top of his and brought my head back. “Chris, I’m happy you came into my life the time you did. You returned joy to my life as you said you wanted to.” I turned around and faced him as we stood there. Neither of us wanted to let go. But lil D had different plans for us as he cried for our attention.

God blessed me with an amazing husband as he did with my late husband.

Chapter 7
CTFU @ ni-yah callin chris an ugly stranger and then actin so professional af. she a lil boss lady already! mmmmmmmm, *takes chris off suspect list* darius seems like he'd pick someone perfect to be with his wife. i guess he cool for now.

Chapter 8
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ni-yah called him daddy. that's too cute. i'd cry, yo. she just too damn much for me *wipes tears away*

Damn, it's really hard being a top notch lawyer and having to deal with mafckas who can't take responsibility and wind up going after the people who sat up there and fought for them. it's horrible mr. brown had to die that way especially since he didn't have a choice but to be involved

ayeee i like Ms Joyce. she gave some really great advice.

Chapter 9

*fans self* THE TEARS! i couldn't stop crying man. she got a heart condition problem?! aw man... i legit cried

Chapter 10
well good as long as its not the same heart condition there shouldn't be any major problems; she'll survive.

omg that lil girl is too much lol! her lil funny self and STILL callin him daddy lol but i guess he's making a great impression on her and is there for her, somewhat as a father figure even if he doesn't mean to be or say he is

Darius, my G...these letters are mad weird. but i guess he just knows his wife enough to tell her what should be down and how she should keep her head up

Chapter 11

lmfao this lil girl is sum else! idk, my nephew is 2 and he talks a lot as well so i don't see it as talking so much, she just learning fast. Anyways, glad they making big moves for the business

Chapter 12

whoa s***! niy 4 years old! tf! damn i should've seent it coming the way they two was spending time together plus a baby. cupid must've had his arrow ready for these two love birds. lmao that ngga sweating bullets and shid on the way to the hospital and then the ngga slept the whole time! he must've been real tired.

...i'm starting to think that this ngga Darius was a psychic or sumn lol jp.

Chapter 13
aw niy jealous of the baby lol she'll get used to him and will soon appreciate darius when she's at home and has no one else to play with

Chapter 14
MM MM MM! smh, tf chris? really he gonna be out all day on niy's 6th birthday? all because he's tired and doesn't want to read the letters anymore? what he thought this sht was, stop reading letters day cause he doesn't want to? Nope! darius wants them to read them letters, then dammit that's what they gon' do! lmao...wow. she married the man and he feel as if they pushing away? niy is 6. he ain't seen nobody push him away until a teenager has told a ngga to get the fck out her face, she hates them, and leave her alone *slams door* ...chris is tweakin. that lil girl loves him no matter what she says and so does dalia. he needs to stop that and be a man. he has a child with dalia now, put them feelings in his back pocket and let his step-daughter read letters from her father.

AUGHHH! RUN IT

It's coming along slowly. I have only written 1/4 of it.

*sips lemonade as I wait*

Chapter 15 tonight me thinks.

Well, I did say things were gonna change.
Had to leave the land of sadness
and mix the story up a lil
Life has changes aye :-)

Wondering if I should write 6more chapters and wrap this story up...

I do just wanna hug him because although he signed up for this, just isn't the same now that his heart is actually in it.

He feels as though he is being more than man enough for them but they haven't completely moved past Darius. It is hurtful to watch.

But Chris should have handled it better

yesssss because he putting my girl Niyah in a mini depression. and not answering you phone is not okay. Dalia was probably thinking he was dead or cheating. I know I was. all Niyah wants is to read the letters from her birth father with the man SHE choose to call her father. she's on 6 not 16!!!

Awwwww chris u shouldnt feel like that but I get I wonder how ni is gonna take the news of how chris feels:( RUN IT!!!

@jazzy thats what im saying!
Chris big head ass know he suppose to be looking out for them!
Chris betta suck that s*** up!
And take care of his two lil kids*rolls eyes*
This nigga really said "Each year I get pushed aside for him"
Chris must have started his damn period or something*re-reads the chapter*
Chris just made me mad again!
Run it Boo!

Lol Jazz u seeem like u wanna slap Chris upside his head and Lele it seems as though you wanna just give him a hug.

Poor Chrissy :(

But that staying out all late ain't the move smh ...

And my honey Ni feeling that new sibling depression . Lol she will be fine though

They both going through some things.

Runnn it.

once a year you feel pushed aside!! suck it up chris. Darius choose you to watch after his family and that's what your doing. if you didn't want to read the letters you shouldn't have promised to do it every year. smh that was selfish in my opinion. Niyah and Dalia love you and want you there for every moment. and now Niyah thinks you don't love her anymore. sigh, get it together man.

run it

<strong> Chapter 14 </strong>

It was now Ni-Yah's birthday, Chris was at work and I was in the tv room with her and lil D. We were waiting on Chris to get home so we could read the letter from Darius together, but it was getting late and Niy had to go to school in the morning. I called his cell in hope to get through, but all that happened was it ringing until it went through to his voicemail: <em> Yeah this Chris Brown, leave a message and I will get back to you. </em> Niy left messages. We sent texts. I called the office. But still no word from him. I called his mom and even she had not heard from him. This was getting ridiculous now. I had to apologise on behalf of Chris to Niy and sat there and read the letter with her.

<em> You are now 6 </em>

<em> Happy Birthday baby girl. If you are still reading these letters then I know you haven't outgrown me. You getting real big now huh. Has mommy got married yet? If she has, I hope you behaving for your new pops. Is Chris still around with y'all? He was a good friend of mine before I died and I asked him to look after yourself and your mom until your mom got married. Has Chris told you that his first son is to be called Darius David Brown? If I was alive he would have been your god-brother so you got to look after him. I want you to look after any brothers or sisters your mom gives birth to after she gets married. I want you to be a good big sister. Hope you have a good birthday baby girl. </em>

I had to hold myself together having read that letter with Niy. Though it seemed as though Darius bought wedding gifts knowing that Chris and I would get married, I just realised that he knew the type of guy I would get with.

"Where were you Chris?" I asked as he slowly undressed at the end of the bed. He came in and didn't even look at me. He went straight to the bathroom off our bedroom, cut the light off and sat at the end of the bed with his head in his hands before he begun undressing. I sighed as I got no response from him. "Chris, can you please tell me what's going on?" I tried to plead with him as I sat up in the bed. With the help of the moon's light that was coming in through our bedroom window, I noticed him turning to me. He sighed before he said anything to me which got me scared. "This has got to stop Dalia." I was even more confused than I was before he spoke and asked him what it is that he was talking about.

I swallowed hard when he said it. It was getting to him and he had never said anything to me. He wanted us to stop reading the letters Darius left for Ni-Yah. He wanted to stop reading them with Ni-Yah and I. But how was I to explain to Ni-Yah that Chris no longer wanted to read her father's letters with her? Was she old enough to understand that this was too much for Chris? "I can't keep this up." He said with sadness in his voice. "I love you and I have loved Ni-Yah as my own, but it seems as though each year, I get pushed aside for him." I crawled over to him and wrapped my arms, "Chris we don't push you aside and I'm sorry if you feel that way. I love you and you know Ni-Yah loves you too. She was crushed when you didn't show up Chris. She said you do not love her anymore." We sat in silence until Chris got up and finished getting ready for bed. I gave him a massage before he held me close and we drifted off to sleep.

Thanks Bre Bre :-)

Im back*grabs tissues & reads chapters 12 & 13*
Omg my baby Ni just grew up!
Aww and my new baby david just here smiling and stuff*wipes tears*
You are really an amazing writer!
I figured since I been bot leaving feedback in alil bit!
That I would leave you a long comment!
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN IIIIIITTTTT
TOYA!
Lol but forreal Run it boo!

Chap 14 being written now

I understand what Niyah is going through. when your mom is pregnant it's exciting but when the baby gets there reality hits and all your thinking is "wait a minute the new kid is gonna steal all the cookies, mhmm he has got to go" lol she'll get over it

runnnn it

<strong> Chapter 13 </strong>

I thought Ni-Yah would have been over the moon when Chris and I arrived with Darius. I expected that she would have run up to Chris and peep in the car seat at her brother. But I couldn't have been more wrong. Instead of running to Chris, she sat on the sofa close to the window and didn't even look our way. "Niy you aint wanna see your brother?" Chris said as he walked over to her. "He is ugly." She said folding her hands. "Nah he not." Chris laughed as he tried to pick her up. She wriggled free from Chris and ran past me, up the stairs and into her room.

I put David down and went up after her. I was confused about what was going on. It just made no sense. Before we left she was excited, but now, she was a different person. "Chris isn't my daddy anymore. He is the baby's daddy." She said as she curled up in my lap and I wiped her tears. "I'm always gonna be your daddy." Chris said as he walked in the room with Darius. She looked up at him then buried her head in my lap again. "I'm going to love you no matter what. I am going to love both of you." She lifted her head off my lap and gave him a weak smile.

We spent some time with Niy in her room explaining to her that Chris would never abandon her. Even got her to hold lil D. I know she still was some what skeptical but I also knew it would take sometime to adjust.

"Ni-Yah come on it's time for dinner." Chris yelled from the bottom of the stairs. There was no movement and he called her for a second time. She still did not budge so mum went to try. It took her 10minutes to actually get Ni-Yah to come down. "Niy baby what's going on?" "Why does he have to be here?" She said pointing at Darius. Now I got it. She was not ready to have a younger sibling just as yet.

This was gonna be a challenge.

Chris took Niy into the sitting room after we had finished eating so he was able to talk to her. I know she still loves him, but I wouldn't want her jealousy taking over which would lead her to hating her brother. I joined them with lil D and we all started playing together. Mom joined us and we chilled together for an hour until Ni-Yah fell asleep. I put lil D to sleep then stayed up talking to mom and Chris about how we would be able to help Ni-Yah adjust to lil D being around.

I know this was going to be the biggest challenge yet but with Chris on my side, I know I would make it through.

Yay!!

*Dances*

Ooo yh thanks for thats all gotta come up in some chapters from now.

U have given me idea for future chapter. :-)

Awwwwwwwwww :)

They`re finally together.

I wanted to know how they finally got together though! :(

I guess that`s coming up! :)

Please NO! I don`t wanna have to blast a mf!!

I wonder what`s gonna happen next -____-

Run this.

I cant stop thanking yall for reading and leaving your comments.
If I write what I have in mind, I think yall gonna want guns and all that.

Things bout to change though

*skips out*

It's freakin crazy how he got notes and ishh ..nd knew that chris was gonna eventually marry his woman..and ugh it just sound so played out... like he'd been planning this for a longggggggg time. Just too crazy...mm run it!

*brust into tears* Ohhh Myy Gossssh !! They married and with a baby ! Nini all grown up.

Honey listen I am truly tearing up . Like *walks away shaking head*

Just run it

Darius is the best late husband in America lol he had everything planned out in the most creepy but sweet and thoughtful way lol

time sure did fly by NiYah is six and has little brother. I already know she's gonna be an amazing sister. and Chris is gonna be an amazing dad.

PAUSE did he sleep through the entire birth??

run it

*In Mr. Brown voice* Hold up. Wait a minute. Let me put some Amby in it.

The f*** have I been? My little baby Ni-Yah (Yes-I'm stealing you fictional child character.) is growing up so fast. I missed her first day of pre-school. :( *cries* I'm a horrible fictional Godmother.

CHRIS AND DALIA GOT MARRIED AND GOT BUSAYYYY! Tehe.

They're such a cute couple. Chris and Darius are...err....was...about what and what when it comes to being a great husband. I love how supportive and understanding he is of Darius's relationship with Dalia. Most nigga's would be like:

"Read a later? b****, I ain't got time for that s***. You betta watch your ass some Dr. Phil and keep it f***ing moving."

Lol.

Awwwww ..they named him after Cas-I mean....Darius.
Beautiful add.

RUN ITTT

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