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{Without Him} - Chap 19 & 20 is up... STORY IS FINISHED NOW!!!

First and foremost, I would like to thank Bre'Na Wells for the title to this story. I was stuck and she gave me the best idea yet.

Now unto the story.

<Strong> Intro </Strong>

I remember it as though it was yesterday. The summer’s heat was seeping into our bones through our open pores and he was still here with me. Continuously told me that he was so in love with me, but he was sorry for what was to come. If only I knew then what I know now, I would have left him, left them, left there as soon as possible. I would have looked around for the emergency exit before having considered pressing the panic button. But unfortunately, I wasn’t as aware as I should have been. Within 24 hours of telling me what he wanted from me, he left without warning. I could blame God for taking him away so soon, but it wouldn’t be fair on God for he obviously knew that his time was limited and failed to tell me. Now I’m lost with nowhere to go, no one to turn to and a life of hell ahead of me.

My friends try to console me each day, but even a year later I still feel that it was my fault he died. If only I cared more I would have been able to tell that something wasn’t right with him. If only I hadn’t been so caught up in my own world, I would have been able to spend more time. But now he is gone and all that I’m left with is memories of him and a child. His child.


<strong> Chapter 3 </strong>

This was it then I guess. Los Angeles. The place where stars are born. I looked at the house that looked back at me and I must admit, it was beautiful. Painted in white. The windows were outstanding and had a perfect finish. The door was oak and looked amazing where it stood. This place was so much better than where we lived in NY. I took Ni-Yah’s hand and we walked in. “Daddy house?” She asked as she looked up at me. She just never once stopped asking for him. Ever since she started identifying folks, and she looked at the pictures and realised that she didn’t know who he was. She would always point and ask who. When I finally told her that was her daddy, she then started asking where he was. I told her that he was in heaven, but my poor doll didn’t understand that heaven meant he was dead. It was amazing to see that he still lived within her though she didn’t even have any memories of him.

“Nah baby, this house is for me and you. We live here now.” I said as I picked her up, having her wrap her arms around my neck. I loved my baby so much. She was the product of a relationship I do not wish had never happened. Darius and I got in a relationship when I was 15. Though he was 2 yrs older than myself, it had not really been much of an issue to our parents. They all knew each other through work, which meant that they knew each other’s values and knew what to expect from us. In the early parts of our relationship we were escorted to the movies by an adult. We were only allowed to go out for a meal together if we went in a group, and had to be home by 10pm. Well, I had to be home at 10pm, as a guy, he was still allowed to go to his friend’s house after leaving me at home.

“I love my room mommy!” Ni-Yah screamed as she jumped out of my arms and threw herself on the bed the way Darius would. It always irked me when he did that as I was scared the bed would break. I smiled at my jovial princess as she ran over to her toy box to see that she not only had her old toys, but she had new toys also. I must say, I was impressed with what Kay did to this place. Well, her henchmen more like. But this is why she was a very good friend of mine.

When it came to telling my parents and his mother, it was not as hard as I thought at all. To my surprise Kay had spoken to them about it before I was even warned. My parents thought it was the best idea yet. They felt as though I was too wrapped up in the death of Darius. But how could I not be? I wasn’t prepared for his death. I wasn’t warned about it. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be where I am today, so I couldn’t move on without him. But apparently this jump to LA would change things.

I left Ni-Yah in her room and continued to walk through the house. It was pristine. It was peaceful. It was just what I needed. Then his voice sounded through my mind saying “this is what I wanted you to do.” I remember the week before he died we were talking and he had asked me what I would do without him if he ever died. “Darius, you really gonna come with that? At a time like this?” I said as I took a sip of wine. “I just wanna know my sweet caramel biscuit.” He said as he snuggled up next to me in the bed. “In that case, I wouldn’t be able to go on without you.” I looked into his eyes as he held me close to him. “What if I wanted you to live without me?” “I still wouldn’t be able to.” There was a pause between us as we stared into each other’s eyes.

I wish I was able to tell what he was trying to hint at then. If only I knew. I would have been more prepared to let go off him. I would have been more prepared in finding methods of coping. I would have booked myself in for a psychologist. I would have escaped to hide from the pain. Why did he have to go so soon? He was the most loving man I had ever met and I do not think I would meet anyone else as loving and tender as he was.

Now that I was here in LA, I knew I had to set goals and make changes. My plan was to become more absorbed with work and Ni-Yah so I would have less time to think about him. I promised him I would move on if he died.

And he did die.

Now. It was time I fulfilled my promise. My team was right. This move was to do me a wold of good.

“Darius, you were the first and only man whom I loved. The only man I made love to. The only man who could make me cry tears of joy. You were my heart and you still are. No-one can ever replace you. I love and miss you.” I placed the picture of him beside my bed. How was I to let him go?

My phone vibrated with a reminder to let me know that I had a meeting at 9am with my new colleagues and Mr Brown himself. He was to be my partner in all this to help me allocate individuals to appropriate posts and finding new talent. Chris had been out of the game for a year now and took a backseat when he started producing. I listened to some of the tracks he worked on and was impressed at the talent he held.

ok this has nothing to do with the story... BUT...

How is it that I can sing, yet my boy that aint much of a singer has influenced me to start singing at random moments in random places?!

:-) lol aint really much thinking about waiting because you kinda need to wait lol

I'm currently writing chapter 4 before I knock out completely. Which I think will be soon as I feel drugged up *yawns*

Ok I guess I can wait Toya!


*grandma wisdom* Patience is a virtue my child =]

Have I ever failed u with this story thus far? :-)

I wish this was more than a teaser!
Run it!

<strong> TEASER </strong>

My phone vibrated with a reminder to let me know that I had a meeting at 9am with my new colleagues and Mr Brown himself. He was to be my partner in all this to help me allocate individuals to appropriate posts and finding new talent. Chris had been out of the game for a year now and took a backseat when he started producing. I listened to some of the tracks he worked on and was impressed at the talent he held.

Thanks for your feedback girls. Much appreciated. I havent been able to write anything today, so will be doing that now, which means chapter 3 wont be up today, unless I manage to write chapter 4 and 5, and some of 6 tonight.

Reason being, I don't want to get stuck when writing and rushing chapters. I want everything to flow how it has been flowing already.

So stay tuned. Any questions you want me to answer in chapters to come, feel free to ask them. They won't necessarily come in the following chapter, they may come 3/4 chapters later, but I will try to incorporate them.

New reader here! :) moving from NY to LA is definitely gonna be different. But she should try something new..and might even meet a new person there.. (wink wink):)

i think her moving to LA would be so great for her. she needs a new
environment and to meet new people, interesting talents should be
a breath of fresh air.

Run It

@Toya Ohh, okay.

Dang, they just send the lady off??

How the hell she...

*gets frustrated for a second*

Alright, nevermind.

..but they must`ve planned this waaaaay ahead.

They even did all the work for her too?

Well, daaamn!

They practically shipping her away.

I hope this is a good idea or those mfs will pay.


Run this Toya.

Aww that's sad :(

But I like this story! So run it :)

omg Amby really? Casper? loool sorry but that was funny.

I'm not cruel enough to kill anyone else of... me thinks...

Know what Bre'Na... I was gon say something but it would have been a spoiler... plus, you gave me super idea for a future chapter.

Aww she moving and stuff!
What she gone tell her family! :((
Run it!

*Grabs another box of tissues*

This s*** is just too sad. Poor Ni-Yah. She has to grow up without knowing her father and, almost lost her mother, on her freaking birthday. I would have never forgiven you if you killed one of them off. lol I want Darius to go all Casper and come back from the dead or something!

Seriously though, this is some Romeo and Juliet tragic type s***.


<strong> Chapter 2 </strong>

When I left the hospital, my mother had already been at my house with Ni-Yah. I was happy to know that my family was still there for me as many a times since he died I felt alone. I had to smile when I got home. Mom had cooked so much, it’s as though she was cooking for the whole neighbourhood.

“Mom did you invite all our family and long lost relatives over for a meal?” I said as I walked into the kitchen and kissed her on the cheek. I was in a huge amount of pain and winced as I went to sit around the island. “Well, I cooked enough so I wouldn’t need to cook for another two days.” She replied as she set a plate down for me. “Now eat up. You can get seconds if you want.” Ni-Yah walked into the kitchen at the same time with dad. “Food!” She squealed as dad picked her up and sat her down beside me. It was so good to be with family. I missed them so much.

We were finished eating and dad was doing the dishes whilst mom, Ni-Yah and myself were now in the TV room. Mom and I spoke about the good times together and then she mentioned him. His name was Darius. Darius Mitchel. The man I grew to love. We said till death do us part. But he still had a hold on my heart after a year and I am still unable to move on. We got married when I was 21 and he was 23. I gave birth to Ni-Yah 2 years later, and he only lived to see her through the first year of her life. Now I am 25 and lost without him.

In the middle of our conversation I received a text from the office. My secretary said she was said to learn what happened to me and she was looking forward to seeing me back in the office. Along with that, she informed me that they wanted to relocate me from NY to LA. Ok, I don’t mind being relocated, but going to LA from NY feels like going to the other side of the globe. They really wanted me to pack up all my stuff and just move to LA when my whole life was here in NY? They had to be pulling a stunt. I was not looking forward to this one bit.

The next day I had my team come over to my house and we had the meeting in my study whilst mom took Ni-Yah shopping. My manager, the creative director, my secretary and several others were present and ready to discuss their views and opinions with me. My manager was also a very good friend of mine. She had always tried to encourage me to leave the neighbourhood for a while to help my recovery having lost Darius. However, this decision was not one made by my manager, but it was a collective decision from the group. They felt that with me going to LA, I would be able to seek more talent for the label. My job was to get new talent from all over NY and neighbouring states. I had employed individuals in other states to carry out the same duties. We not only looked for singers and rappers, but we also looked for dancers, choreographers, graphic designers, engineers, fashion designers, IT literates. We wanted them all.

Moving to LA would be the biggest move for me. I would have to get a new house. Make that house my home. Get Ni-Yah settled in there. I would have to get her into a Nursery School, I would need to get us registered at the doctor, paediatrician and dentist. It would be so much and I had no family there.

“I can’t do it.” I said as I looked around the room at everyone.

“Yes you can.” Kayanna said to me. “Girl me and you go way back and you know as well as I do, that this would do you the world of good.”

“My whole life is here.”

“Exactly. Now you need to be uprooted and go sow seeds elsewhere.” Everyone agreed with ahs and hmms.

I looked at them all and took a deep breath. I couldn’t believe I was about to say it, but I did. I told them I would think about it. No sooner had I said it than Kay told me she already found me a house, made arrangements with a Nursery School for Ni-Yah and sorted out health plans.

soso all Im gonna say is... keep reading

trop, when he said another child, he was referring to his son-in-law, they were all a close fam.

awww Bre'Na don't be crying girl.

And thanks girlies

Aww :((
Toya run this!
I swear I feel like im gone be crying through out your story
Run it!

Awwwwwwwww :(

This is soooo sad :-/

I don`t know what she should tell her daughter.

Auugggh! That`s soooo sad man!

I wonder how he died though!

& losing another child?...did her sister die too?


Run this Toya.

she should just tell her daughter
that daddy is in a special place watching
over them.
i'm glad they made it out of the accident
alive cause that'd been crazy for her to
die after the man she loved died, too.
i almost shed a tear thinkin if she died
on her daughter's birthday
then it'd be 'without them'. but sooner
or later she's gonna have to tell that
child where her daddy is.


pshhh u aint going on no STRIKE... plus... u aint replied to my message.... mmmmhhhhhmmmm

but nah, pwease read. *batts lashes*



Just tell me what you all think please!!!

well me going on STRIKE !

i no no do nothing !



well I do!!! (^_^) and the most important thing is the story!!! we shall not argue about the title.

The title stays and that's final. (^_^)

Check messages.

nopee nopee nopee i havee myy reasons !

me no likeyy dang it !


I can tell you that you too shall see the light and see that the title works well with the whole story. :-) I'm bout to reply to your message now.

. . . i dnt likee the titlee . . /

be back to read in a min Toya
&& check your messages

<strong> Chapter 1 </strong>

Today was my daughter’s second birthday and more and more she comes to me raised shoulders, questioning arms, tilted head saying “where is daddy?” and today I was scared that she would spend more time asking about him than enjoying her day. For her it was to be the happiest day of her life, whereas for me, it was to be the anniversary of his death. I gathered her toys and placed them into her bag before proceeding to pack her clothes along with mine in the suitcase. I had even packed some of her clothes into a suitcase for her because she enjoyed imitating the things I did. We were on our way to visit his mother and spend some time with her for his first anniversary. The man I loved once is now completely gone and I know I would never be in love with anyone else for the rest of my life.

“Ni-Yah, it’s time we leave baby.” I said in a sing-song voice as I walked out of the kitchen and into the TV room where she was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I stopped and stared at her for a short while. She looked just like him. Her eyes. Her smile. Her lips. Her ears. She got it all from him. I wish he was here to see her grow up. To teach her to ride a bicycle. To teach her how to look out for worthless men and stay away from them. As I snapped back into reality, I walked over and turned the TV off. She looked at me with pleading eyes as though she wanted to ask for 5 extra minutes, but I shook my head no.

As we set off into the evening’s sunset, we bobbed our heads back and forth to the selection the DJ had chosen. I was so focused on what this trip had in store for us that I hadn’t noticed the car that had run a red light heading straight for my side of the car. All I seem to remember was Ni-Yah screaming out. Her scream brought me back to reality as I swerved away from the car that was headed right for us and did an emergency stop in the middle of the road. Unfortunately, I swerved because I was hit and the emergency stop was because I thought I had managed to steer clear away from the other car. But how wrong could I have been.

In no time, the ambulance had arrived. I heard Ni-Yah screaming. Telling them she wanted to be with me. The paramedic that had been there with me reassured me that my daughter was safe. But that is all I can remember before waking up in this room.

Though I was awake, I was under anaesthetic as I always was in surgery. I was aware of all that was going on around me, but was unable to move. This wasn’t the first time that I have ever been on an operating table and I’m sure it won’t be my last either. My first time was when I was 15. I had been in a fight with a group of girls who were around 17. They were after one of my friends Shana. I could not stand back to watch them beat her to a pulp. What I hadn’t noticed was that one of them had a knife, which had been driven into me whilst the rest kicked, punched and beat me with bats.

When I was under anaesthetic then, I remember waking up in a room filled with doctors and panicked nurses. All trying their best to save my life and it was the same at the age of 15 and the same after the accident. “If we take much longer, we will lose her.” I remember hearing one say. “She is stabilised doctor.” I must have been in the theatre room for hours on end. Then I remembered. Ni-Yah. Where was my baby? Was she safe? I needed to go find her. I tried to squirm but it was no use.

When I finally left theatre room, I was placed into a room within a ward with some old folks. Not my idea of a fun ending for my daughter’s birthday or the anniversary of her father’s death. In no time I fell asleep but was then woken to my baby on the bed with me. As my eyes fluttered open, I saw her sitting in apprehension looking at me. But having reached out to her and holding her hand, she smiled and that brightened up the room for me a lot more than anyone could ever imagine.

“The accident wasn’t that serious dear.” I heard my mother’s voice coming from the left side of the room. I looked over and saw her sitting in the chair alongside my father. His mother was also there with my parents. “The doctor told us that you will be home in two days and will require crutches and physiotherapy sessions for two to four weeks” my mother said with sadness in her voice.

“I love you mommy” Ni-Yah said as she curled up beside me. I was lost for words. My parents, my daughter and his mother was there with me. I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat was dry, I reached for the water that I saw beside my bed and had a sip. “Thank you all” I managed to say as I tried to sit up. My father stood up and came to my side. He kissed my forehead and told me that they would always be there for me. “We couldn’t do with losing another child in the space of a year now. You are a fighter girl.” He said to me with a smile sitting on his face.