Who Does Chris Brown Think He Is?
The dancing 18-year-old R&B heartthrob knows how to “Run It!,” but he used to be a nerdy straight-A student. Set phasers on stun as we boldly ask …
Your self-portrait looks kind of scary and freaky, Chris.
I drew myself in a goofy persona: a reject, a nerd.
Is that how you see yourself, as a reject?
Well, it’s how other people don’t see me. I try to be different from everybody.
Did you wear glasses as a kid, nerd?
I had glasses from sixth grade to the eighth grade, for astigmatism. I used to get headaches all the time.
What did your 10th-grade report card say?
A’s, A’s, A’s. Straight A’s, all through kindergarten, elementary school, middle school …
What were your best subjects?
Math and science.
You really were a nerd. Did kids give you s*** about being smart?
No. ’Cause I’d beat ’em up.
Who was the last person you punched?
I used to fight in the hood in Virginia. Gang fights—not “gang fights,” but fights with people: “Man, forget them!” “Forget you!” Boom! Boom! Boom! I wouldn’t brag, but I didn’t lose a lot.
Have you ever been arrested?
Yeah, but it’s not on my record. I got arrested for fleeing from the police on a little minibike. When I was living in New York, my homeboys wanted to ride through the park. The police caught us, but all they did was take the bikes from us, so we didn’t get in trouble.
It’s a typical Friday night at 11 p.m. What are you doing?
Looking for some girls. [Laughs.]
If you could make one apology, what would it be?
I’d apologize to God for all my sins.
But you’re only 18. What vices do you have?
Basketball, my music and women.
What personal habit do you have that other people find annoying?
I like picking the nails off my toes.
Pretty annoying! What would you like written on your gravestone?
Chris Brown, the horniest man alive! [Laughs.] Check it, I’m lyin’. Probably, Here lies a legend.
What do you look like naked?
Pretty damn good.
How would you characterize your taste in sex?
I’ll save that for the lady of my life.
What do you refuse to eat?
Chitlins. My grandma used to cook them, and she’d be like, “These are good, boy!” I never would eat them. They smelled like feces.
Dogs or cats?
Dogs! A dog is more manly. But cats, they clean up after themselves. All they need is a litter box.
Underwear or commando?
Underwear. I wear a new pair of drawers every day. I won’t wash my drawers and put ’em back on. I just throw them away.
If we drug-tested you, what would we find?
Nothing. Just urine. I don’t really take drugs. I don’t drink. My uncle died from drinking. Alcohol can hurt you in many ways. It hurts, like, females that get drunk at a party, then pass out and dudes take advantage of them. Typical high school story — not from me!
If we talked to an ex-girlfriend, what would she say about you?
That she f***ed up!