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Social Suicide

Orientation was tomorrow and I could not sleep. I started to think about all the new faces I was going to see and the school, wow the school, I heard so much about it. Like how big and clean it was, Boca in general, and how the beach was not too far away, but now I was going to see for myself!

It was now three in the morning and because of the dragging drive If we wanted to get there on time we had to leave the house no later that 6 a.m.

I don't remember how or when I fell asleep but I knew I did because I remember my mom coming into the room and waking us up.

It hit me. I was actually doing this, taking the first step into independence. That really shook me up and for some reason a part of me didn't want to go. Not that I wasn't ready for college, I'm just not too big on change. All my life I've been stuck here in this small city never branching out and that is what I ever grew up to know.

The bigger problem came when it was time for me to get ready. I didn't know what to wear. Something you probably don't know about me is that I hate my body!

I hate how broad my shoulders are and how skinny my legs are and my boobs, ugh everyone thinks my boobs are perfect but I personally think my boobs are way too big. At least for my skinny body! I was throwing shirts and tossing pants trying to find the right outfit causing my level of nerves to sky rocket! My hair was pulled back Indian style and a bang was dropped across my forehead covering up my right eye.

Make up I didn't even bother!

I grabbed my duffel bag and headed down the stairs. Mother Nature couldn't pick a better day for it to start raining. That is one of the many things that I hate about Florida. The rain was always random and ruining your greatest plans. I bee-lined for the car door and quickly got in! I placed my big blanket across my legs and laid my head on top of it. It was a little uncomfortable but I knew with the little sleep I got I was bound to fall asleep as soon as the car started up.

First stop: The gas station.

When we got there my mom's boyfriend insists that we all go in and get something to eat but I wasn't hungry. Maybe I was just too nervous. I was not ready to let my mom know that and besides it's a two hour drive from here to Boca and I knew I would get hungry later.

So I went in anyways. I grabbed a glazed donut and bottled water. I don't normally drink water but because of the fear of being called out during orientation about being unprepared I was forced to buy it. See I didn't do anything on the orientation check list. I didn't bring paper, an umbrella (regretted that one real quick), or a water bottle and I brought my own blanket and pillow when it specifically said not to. Everyone was back in the car and I started forcing myself to eat the donut. I couldn't!

Next stop: Boca Raton, Florida!

Who doesn't know how to read a GPS right, especially when it talks to you? I was rudely awakened from my car nap just because my mother didn't know whether the GPS system was telling her to turn left or right. We were here! Well not at Florida Atlantic University but here, at Boca!

It was beautiful. People back home were right it was clean ... and rich! I felt out of my element. Not that I don't appreciate the finer things in life but I'm just a closed in person and this, this was for the fearless. It kind of reminds me of my hometown, well downtown at least.

You know how they say every nice city has a bad part where everyone is rude, is in a gang of some sort and everyone was referred to as being "ghetto"? Yeah, well that's were I was from. Golden gate in Naples wasn't all that bad. People weren't out every night shooting up the neighborhood and

most of the people were really nice but most of the people were also black! So I guess that's where the fear from "the outsiders" comes in.

For further explanation, the majority population of Naples is white... and old!

Florida Atlantic was huge. We got out of the car and headed to the first building we saw! Good thing people were out there guiding us or we would have ended up in the next city.

When we reached the student union they separated us! I went one way and my mother, her boyfriend, my brother and sister went the other. I was going to check into the room I was staying in overnight. My dorm was freezing! Good thing about it is that I had my own room.

I didn't get to see any of my suitemates but that wasn't a problem because I know I would get to meet them tonight.

I set my stuff on my bed and head back to the Student Union. The Student Union was just a plain building where you can buy souvenirs, get your nails and hair did, guys and girls, and where you hear about all the exciting activities happening on campus. Too bad that's not what was planned for us.

We had to sit through a whole two hour lecture in the auditorium and that wasn't even the worst part. All of the guests were told to leave to their separate orientation and they put us into groups. With people I didn't know and had no intentions of trying to get to know. They all seemed stuck up and too caught up into their own lives. They had no problem in making friends with each other though.

I am not a social butterfly. I hate being in a new environment with new people and I suck at simple conversation.

I'm an introvert. We introverts don't do social environments. Not that we don't like people (don't get me wrong I think people are interesting, I love them) but we just get drained of energy when interacting with other people for long periods of time and sometimes that a good thing but sometimes that an unfortunate thing. Like now!

After all of that walking around a dividing, the day was coming to a close and I have not made one friend yet. I felt like a loser.

One part of our orientation was to take a bus to one of the three locations: the mall, the beach, or Publix. Everything was on a first come first serve bases so I was at an advantage when my orientation leader let us out early. I went straight for the mall bus. I took a seat all the way in the back in my own section and slid all the way over to the window.

As everyone was walking in and the crowd of people started dying down I kept thinking no one was going to sit by me and I'll look like a bigger loser.

I steady staring out the window and I barely noticed that a boy took the empty seat next to me. I didn't really get a good look at him. I was scared to even look in his direction. One of the biggest things that I hate is attention even if it's just from one person.

The whole ride to the mall I was crossing my fingers that he wouldn't talk to me.

"So are you from around here?" I turned to see if it was me he was talking to and it was. I was caught off guard.

"uhmm yeah, I mean no, I'm from Naples". God I felt like beating myself up for stuttering so bad. When I get worked up I start to stutter. My face was starting to get hot like I was blushing, not that anyone could see it or anything.

I have a dark complexion of a skin tone. I love it, it's very exotic. I remember being a freshman back in high school and constantly being made fun of for being dark. Everyone made me think that something was seriously wrong with me. I really hated myself, I constantly wished I was someone else and asked god why did he put this upon me but looking back I wonder why I was so ignorant.

"You start in the summer?" By now I was looking at him. Examining him. He was caramel not the food but the color and cute. Kind of like your average lacrosse player cute. He had a clean college boy look. He had tattoos a lot of tattoos which was a big turn on. His body was built and his face, it looked so smooth I just wanted to reach out and touch it.

"Yeah, you?" I was so glad I had my stutter under control.

"Yeah"

"Oh cool" I didn't want the conversation to end but I wasn't one to converse. "What's your major?"

"My major, business but I'm thinking about changing to medical I don't know yet, you?".

Business, medical that just made him even more enticing than he already looked.

"Education, I love kids"

"Are you a heats fan?" that was pretty random well not really, considering the fact that it was basketball season and Miami and OKC were battling it out in the finals.

"Not by choice, I don't really watch basketball but the people in my house all love the heats so I guess I am, I'm more of a football type of girl"

And with that the conversation died. I kept thinking that I said the wrong thing, like I wasn't supposed to like football. I wish more than anything at that moment my phone hadn't died. I go to my phone for comfort a lot.

"I'm Chris by the way"

"Caroline!"

"Nice to meet you"

The bus came to a stop in front of the mall. We both stood up. I didn't get why we stood up so early because we were all the way in the back and it would take some time for it to actually be our turn to leave. Chris was the perfect height. That is one thing that I do love, tall guys!

I was debating on whether or not if I should bring the orientation bag they gave us back on campus.

"Can we leave our bags on the bus?" I asked the Jamaican girl who sat behind us.

I wanted to turn around and tell her how much I loved her accent when I first heard her speaking behind us, but I just couldn't put the right words together.

Out of everyone from our group I wanted to be her friend. Not in a creepy way but in a warm way. I really did feel like I would be able to connect with her and she seemed really interesting.

"I don't know, I am"

I looked forward and Chris had his bag in his hand.

"Hey Chris you know you could leave your bag on the bus right" I didn't know where that came from but I sure as hell did surprise myself.

"Oh yeah I know, I have important things in here"

"Yeah I forgot boys don't carry around purses" Who says that. Me of course. You should have seen me attempting to laugh it off.

I left it. It had nothing important in it anyways. If I had anything important it was in my cross body handbag. I had 220.00 dollars in it and I was only allowed to spend 20.

Everyone got off the bus and started partnering up. I knew I was in for a lonely walk in the mall. I wanted to stay with Chris but I figured he was waiting on a friend from the other bus.

We ended up walking in together; we were straying slowly away from the crowd in fear of having nobody to walk with. I was going to do it. I was going to ask Chris if he would be interested in chilling with me the whole time there.

"Hey do you want to be my food court buddy?" he says.

I take a sigh of relief.

"Sure"

We take a right in hopes of it being the way to the food court