I arrived at cuyahoga community college one morning and I sat in my music music reading skills class and I looked at the board full of lines and circles, a language that made no sense to me. A nock occured on the door of the classroom and a I heard his voice "Is there a Taja Rogers here?"
"Chris?" I said as I looked back at him
"I need to talk to you" he said, I followed him into the hall and he held my hands and said, "I haven't heard from you in weeks, what's going on?"
"We did it"
"I'm married now and very much pregnant" I said as I rubbed my stomach.
"You're pregnant" he looked off into space, he then looked into my eyes and said, "how far are you?"
"so wait....din't we....?" he began
I cut him short of his words and said, "Yes, and I thought about it, he doesn't know and he won't know"
"so, you're not gonna tell him it's mine?" he said, "that's my seed!"
"It doesn't matter because I'm not having it" I cried as tears raced down my face.
"Taja you can't do this" he said as his face filled with dispair.
"Chris you have your money and your fame, I want those things. I have dreams and having a child right now just isn't in the cards. I love him, he will HATE me forever if he find out that I'm pregnant and it's not his." I said as I laid on his chest, "i want this, trust me I do but you and I live in two different worlds right now. The deal with def jam was a canner, so I'm back where I started"
"you turned it down?"
"I want to do this the right way, and if you really care about me you'll respect that."
chris got down on one knee and looked up at me, "Leave him, he can't give you what you need. we made a child together! please, we can make this thing us, I'll be here for you"
"I have a husband, please Chris just go before you make difficult worst." I said as my cell phone beeped I looked and read a text, it was Daniel saying "What are you doing?"
I looked at Chris and I texted back, "I'm on my way home baby, see you soon."
he text back saying, "I made your favorite, it'll be nice and hot when you get here."
"ok, Love you, bye"
"Love you too"
I looked up at Chris and I said, "I've got to go Chris, my husband needs me"
Chris grabbed my arm and kissed my lips. I pulled away but he held my face in place and pressed hard onto my lips and cut off my oxygen and when he released me I said, "Chris, I love him." I walked out of the door and caught the bus home. when I walked through the front door I saw midnight blue candles lit on the kitchen table with ensce filling the room. On the table was clamari and fetuccini alfredo with aglass of sparkling water. Daniel walked up to me and I aproached him, he wrapped his arms around me and said, "I missed you" I closed my eyes and said, "I missed you too" he kissed me slowly as he caressed my body. my lips were so wet I whiped off his saliva and there was a drop left, he took his index finger and cleared the corner of my lip and cheek. I looked up at him and I smiled as I cried inside.
he pulled out my chair and I sat down, he sat across from me and gazed at me as I ate, he said, "I've been wanting to make love to you all day. To be inside of you for the first night as my life. Your lips remind me of cushions and you feel so good to me and I want to make love to you tonight. I want to give you all of me tonight. I'm sorry that I don't spend as much time with you as I should, but as your husband I'm going to do right by you, by us. Just let me show you tonight just how much you mean to me."
I began to cry and I said, "I don't deserve this."
"What?" he looked in worry.
"I don't deserve...." my heart jumped into my throat, I heaved my tears as I wailed "I don't deserve how much you love me. i don't deserve you. You are a good man and I've done your wrong so many times. Why are you with me? Why do you forgive me? How could you forgive me after all I've done?"
"Taja I love you, love doesn't hold hatrid inside. It forgives. It was my fault because I wasn't giving you what you needed. I thought it was enough to be in your life, but so much as inside of you. I should have been there to touch you, to hold you and love you. I should've supported your dreams more. I should've been happy for you. the better question to this all is why are you still with me? I take you for granted every time you serve me hand crafted meals and tell me all the things I need to keep me strong. when I need you you're always there for me, so why then don't I owe you my undivided attention? my love, my sencere love. i don't want to loose you to someone like Chris, he is consumed with himself and all his posessions. He doesn't deserve you, he can't appreciate you"